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Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.
Ignorant person talking please excuse me but I've seen a bit of discourse involving Heathcliff's birthday art and how giving him dog features is racist and I'm wondering why???
Like I wouldn't want to portray him as a dog unless necessary, especially post canto 6 since doing so would be ignoring his character arc so I get the dog features being disliked in that regard. But the racist stuff is completely lost on me unfortunately
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I've reached a point with the lordlu doomed yaoi one-shot where looking at it fills me with cringe and the only way out seems to be rewriting and readjusting the plot,,,
anyway, if I don't spiral any time tomorrow then I'm probably fine and good to get back to interacting with other people normally but I make no promises
Old version of that Yi Sang thing// (I won't use it but if anyone else wants to then whatever, go for it)
You were starting to wonder if the pay really was worth it for you to keep working at Lobotomy Corporation.
Between your coworkers dying — some of which you were friends with, too — and the mental and physical strain it took to work on abnormalities, it would be better to quit now and go back home. You were sure that you made enough to hire several butlers to take care of you anyway.
Nearly one month of this yet already getting sick of working in this place… There was a time when you dreamed of working for one of the Wings and escaping the slums that you grew up in. Past you surely would’ve thought you were pathetic for struggling to last a month in a Wing.
“Hey, you there!” One of your coworkers called out to you. “Orders from the manager, you’ve been tasked to work on T-01-68.”
The new abnormality? Maybe the manager also wanted you to quit, or they wanted to get rid of you quick.
“Got it.”
Time to see what nightmare you were going to work on this time around.
— — —
Stepping into the containment unit of T-01-68, you weren’t expecting to see something so humanoid first thing. Apparently it — he? — wasn’t expecting to see you either, as his eyes widened for a brief moment; breaking the stoic expression on his face before it swiftly returned.
“You…” he began, the grip on his coffin tightening ever so slightly.
“Me?”
He stared at you for a moment longer before turning away from you. “Apologies,” he said, voice as cold as death itself, “I did not intend to glare at you so. That was unbecoming of me.”
“It’s alright.” You weren’t used to abnormalities apologizing to you, that’s for sure.
“…Pardon?” Funeral— no, Yi Sang looked taken aback by your words.
“I want to quit,” you repeated, staring into his eyes as you spoke so he understood that you were serious and that you meant every word.
The entire time you knew him, Yi Sang’s expression never really changed; only ever wearing that emotionless look on his face that only seemed to soften whenever he was “mourning” the death of an employee. Right now, however, he looked oddly upset with what you said to him.
“…Quit,” he breathed out after a moment, flinching as if the word itself was painful to utter even though he had no problems with it in the past. “You wish to quit.”
How ironic it was that the abnormality who usually left you puzzled with his words seemed to be struggling to understand what you were telling him. Seriously, what part of what you said to him was difficult to understand?
“Is there something wrong with it?”
“Yes— No! I…”
How ironic it was that for once, he seemed at a loss of words as well.
“You are cognisant of what it means to ‘quit’ in this place, are you not?” he asked, his voice almost trembling.
“I am aware of it but what other choice do I have?”
He didn’t answer beyond looking away from you. That’s what you thought.
“I’m tired of losing friends every day, tired of working with their killers,” you continued. “If there was a way to quit and live a normal life, I would’ve done that already but I can’t even have that here. None of us can! You’re the best choice I have. The higher ups might not let me quit, or they might throw me at an abnormality as a sacrifice after telling me they’ll let me go. I could go to another abnormality for this, but frankly I don’t want to give them the satisfaction of killing yet another abnormality. But, you…”
You didn’t finish. Didn’t feel the need to. Yi Sang seemed to understand where you were going with this all the same.
“You… really wish to…” He let out a shaky breath. “Is that what you truly desire?”
You nodded.
“…Very well.”
If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he hesitated to extent his hand to you then. He wouldn’t, of course. Hesitating meant that he was questioning his role, and given his existence as an abnormality thus a being incapable of changing, that wasn’t possible.
“Thank you,” you smiled as you took his hand. “I was a bit worried that you might refuse, to be honest.”
Then again, Yi Sang had never really been like the other abnormalities, had he?
He didn’t reply, instead pulling you close to him; close enough that he could wrap his arms around your waist. He was so cold.
“I’ll make this quick, dearest.”
…Dearest, huh. That was a new one.
Not that whatever he called you mattered now.
<- Back to the masterlist?
tag list: @rosaberrii, @yuri678, @existence-is-a-pain87, @successfulthinkgirl, @rainachain, @costcosundae22, @keiiqq, @dem1sedscholar
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- i’m socially exhausted
- i don’t have the time right now
- i don’t know how to reply
- i have a bad memory and got distracted
- i’m having a depressive episode and don’t have the energy to socialise
not reasons i haven’t replied back:
- i’m ignoring you just because
- i hate you
- i’m fed up with you
- i don’t want to be your friend anymore
Old thoughts I will post while waiting for ellipsus to fix itself so that I can finish up the funeralsang thing but
I've noticed that sinners getting egos as a duo can sometimes be to show how the sinner in question relates to that abnormality + a subversion of that relation with the other sinner.
Christmas Nightmare Ishmael and Gregor, for one. I'm going to oversimplify it a lot but the abnormality is viewing yourself as a monster (oversimplified since there's significantly way more to this abnormality, such as letting your anxiety take over you and in general it seems to represent moral ocd to some degree, if not fully, but I'm not in the mental state to start that conversation right now).
The contrast between the two is that Ishmael seems all too happy to lean into that role and be a monster, while Gregor is horrified that he is a monster yet he still accepts that role and acts as the monster he believes to be.
You can see this in their respective cantos as well. Despite hating Ahab from the bottom of her heart, Ishmael, at her worst, becomes a second Ahab. It doesn't matter to her what she becomes as long as she gets to kill the one person she truly hates.
^ as a side note, write whatever you want and all that but this is why I struggle to believe that yandere Ishmael would be upset about resembling Ahab. If you compared the two together outloud then I could see her getting mad but more so out of jealousy that you might also like Ahab and not just her. Yandere Ishy wouldn't give a fuck about acting like Ahab otherwise
^^ in fact please don't change your writing so it fits what I think yandere Ishy would act like. Having two cakes is wonderful but if everyone had the exact same understanding of the characters, that'd be very bring
Gregor, meanwhile, wants to be a normal person but is constantly reminded of the fact that he's a walking talking bio weapon meant to take lives. He doesn't want to do that, he doesn't even want to hurt people. However, due to the way he was brought up as well as being constantly reminded of the fact that he's a bio weapon due to his arm, he has more or less given up on that. He hasn't given up completely on it, you can see it from the way that he makes himself smaller so that he'll hurt less people for the inevitable when he hurts people. However he doesn't see any hope in himself.
He's still getting better in spite of this (and that's due to being surrounded by people who won't be affected by his bug arm acting out, or people who are capable of getting things under control) but that underlying "I'll always be a monster so I might as well act like it" mentality followed by regret which causes a self fulfilling prophecy is still there.
hi its the guy who stared at la mancha rodya for hours. i did that more and then i thought "hm. one more ten pull for nursefather rodya can't hurt much" [i need to save for dawn gregor] and so i did a 10 pull and i got her. i went so crazy... i <3 rodya im gonna go stare at her for so many hours
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