I swear I'm working on it...

Generally speaking, people have trouble perceiving others objectively due to the fundamental attribution error: they are unable to clearly distinguish between dispositional versus situational factors that influence people’s behavior - beware of this cognitive bias.

Zuko is too black and white in his moral judgments, too morally righteous without reasonable justification, too concernedwith restoring his sense of honor. He becomes the worst version of himself when he seeks to overcompensate for perceived moral failings, looking in all the wrong places for validation and fleeting feelings of “success” (Fi-Te). 

Because of auxiliary Ne, INFPs are often imaginative, easily getting lost in their own fantasies about who they are and who they can become. Being a victim of abuse, Zuko’s Ne is unhealthy and often manifests in dark and dysfunctional ways, full of cognitive dissonance; he can be blindly optimistic in believing that his quest will be successful yet also deeply pessimistic about the world and what is necessary to succeed in it. 

He gets completely consumed by what he believes is “doing the right thing”. He gets too caught up in defining himself according to values that he has internalized from his family/culture. Not realizing that he should question his value system, he believes that all of his problems stem from an unforgiving world of power and brutality, and he desperately tries to gain control over those forces in order to cover over his unhappiness, misery, and low self-esteem (Te grip). 

This confusion is common for newbies. It sounds like you're reciting a simplistic and stereotypical description of Fi that doesn't tell you anything about the many possible ways Fi develops in real people or how it actually operates in response to real world situations. There are several problems to address:

For NPs, “secure” and “happy” are oppositional concepts when Ne and Si are in conflict.

Fi-Si loop means that choosing “secure” means being unhappy because you are unnecessarily limiting yourself to conventional thinking or stopping yourself from realizing your full potential due to unresolved fear

Healthy Ne means choosing “happy” by taking the necessary risks to achieve fulfillment through inspiring possibilities

It is imperative for INFPs to be true to who they are and what they want, which means that it is largely irrelevant what others or society expect. Thus, if they are passionate about something, there should be little to hold them back from forging their own unique path in life. It is simply a matter of allowing dominant Fi passions to feed auxiliary Ne movement toward one’s dreams. (If you have no idea who you are and what you want, then you should double-check your type, because that would mean having no connection to Fi or Ne.)

You’re already an adult, which means that it’s past time to learn independence and stop looking to others for hand-holding. At some point, your parents will be gone, and you will be forced to reckon with the choices that YOU’VE made for YOUR life. You can’t blame mommy and daddy forever for holding you back. At some point, you will have to admit that it was you holding you back all along. Whatever you do in life and whatever society you live in, someone somewhere in society is going to find you disagreeable or disapprove of you. At some point, you have to decide whether the “social acceptability” you gain is worth feeling like a slave to social conventions.

In high school I was also laser focused on doing well academically due to parental pressure, and hence didn’t involve myself in any clubs that were meaningful to me. Now I’m 20 and bereft of the valuable skills, interesting experiences, and solid sense of self that people have gained through actually living their lives during high school. I feel like a young teenager learning to discover themself, and similarly to the anon in the linked post I struggle to maintain conversations with people as 1) I don’t know what to say and 2) I don’t feel like I have much to contribute, due to having a weak sense of self and not much life experience. I know I have a sense of self in the sense that there are things I’m interested in and want to do (and I’m involving myself in some of them, but of course as a total beginner) but I don’t have anything fully realized that I can actually use to connect with others.

I wasted an entire gap year on reading self-indulgent but ultimately intellectually and stylistically basic fiction and browsing the internet because I was in a home environment I didn’t feel comfortable exploring interests in- what kind of person does that. Am I even a person? None of this feels normal. It doesn’t feel like I’ve lived life at all because I haven’t, I don’t know what to speak to other people about because all I’m ever thinking about is how I don’t know what to say, or how I’m fucking up in this social situation, or how I’m not being interesting enough to hold their attention or be worthy of friendship, or how everyone else around me is fucking normal and can speak to people and sustain conversations and make good impressions on people and cultivate friendships but I’m cooked.

Apologies for the rambling wall of text and thank you for reading this - sincere thank you in advance if you decide to answer this, it seems like a lot of effort goes into answering these questions and trying to help people.

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If the problems in that post apply to you, then the advice given applies equally to you, since they are not type specific. I'll leave you to review it and implement.

The only difference for INFP would be to address Si loop and Te grip problems. Basically, this would require you to stop wasting time with making excuses and self-flagellation and get on with life. The past need not determine anything unless you want it to, unless you have deemed identification with your past self to be more important than building a new future self.

If you truly want to make progress, it is a simple matter to exercise Ne: put in the hard work to upgrade yourself and your life through taking full advantage of all the opportunities available to you. The study guides and previous posts already have information about Ne development. I've also written about and recommended books about how to improve communication/social skills. Your problem is not unique and opportunities to learn abound.

It helps to distinguish “enable” from “encourage”. When you enable someone, you just smile and nod at everything they do, which might make them overdependent on you for affirmation. To properly encourage someone - not just cheer them on but to be helpful - you should try to point them in the right direction BUT without getting personally invested in their response or the outcome of their actions. Otherwise, you add the possibility of disappointing you to their burden. 

You can encourage someone by being positive and giving them emotional support but, if you genuinely have their best interests at heart, you will also practice “tough love” whenever you believe that they are doing something self-sabotaging. “Tough love” is to be truthful yet compassionate in how you deliver your message, to ensure that they know you are not judging but trying to help. If they think you are criticizing because you’re passing moral judgment on them, they won’t be very receptive to what you say. 

Being afraid that you don’t have the skills is not the same as not having the skills, is there a possibility that you are underestimating yourself (as INFPs with low self-esteem often do)? People are unpredictable, so if you’re going to wait until you can do relationships perfectly, you’ll be waiting forever. Missteps are part of the deal, the best you can do is learn on the job. 

A common sight in 49 of the 50 states, the resourceful raccoon is also spotted all over the world, such as in Europe and Japan. They can be adorable pests for sure, but nobody questions their curiosity and ingenuity. Check out the personality below!

As Always, please visit the full analysis for full behaviour interpretation as well as in-depth explanations of each trait.

Written By: Joan, Jul 03, 2013

Personality Specs: 

MBTI: ENTP, INTP, INFP

Enneagram: 5w6, 9w1

Hogwarts: Ravenclaw, Ravenpuff

D&D Alignment: True Neutral, Chaotic Neutral

Core Traits: These traits are absolutely essential to this form, meaning they have multiple behaviours that point towards each trait. If you don’t express these traits, then this form is not for you.

Independent

Socially flexible

Conflict-avoidant

Intuitive, curious

Adaptable, opportunistic

Unambitious

Inferred Traits: Inferred Traits are a combination of multiple core traits. They represent the traits one should expect this form to have, even if there are less behaviours to reflect this. These aren’t as inflexible as core traits, but if you don’t express these traits as well, this form is potentially not for you.

Manipulative

Friendly, open

Tactful, socially savvy

Adventurous

Compliant, passive

Spontaneous, flexible

Understanding, patient

Negotiable Traits: Non-essential traits thrown in for flavour and roundness of the form. This form may/may not express these traits, so they do not “make or break” the form if you do not see them in your personality, but the form may still feel incomplete without them being present to some degree.

Playful

Defensive

Loyal

Cooperative

Giving, selfless

Resilient, hardy

The serval is wanted by poachers for its beautiful spotted fur. It is often wanted by dæmians for the exact same reason - although those oversized ears probably play in too. But do you have what it takes to call yourself a serval? Read below to find out!

As Always, please visit the full analysis for full behaviour interpretation as well as in-depth explanations of each trait.

Written By: Jill, Apr 16, 2014

Personality Specs: 

MBTI: INFP, INTP, INTJ

Enneagram: 1w9, 4, 5

Hogwarts: Ravenclaw, Raverin, Slytherclaw

D&D Alignment: True Neutral, Chaotic Neutral, Neutral Evil

Core Traits: These traits are absolutely essential to this form, meaning they have multiple behaviours that point towards each trait. If you don’t express these traits, then this form is not for you.

Introverted, independent

Specialized

Adaptable, opportunistic

Intuitive, aware

Conflict-avoidant

Patient, efficient, ambitious

Focused, obsessed

Manipulative, bluffing

Inferred Traits: Inferred Traits are a combination of multiple core traits. They represent the traits one should expect this form to have, even if there are less behaviours to reflect this. These aren’t as inflexible as core traits, but if you don’t express these traits as well, this form is potentially not for you.

Tolerant, understanding

Self-serving

Loose bonds, disloyal

Passive-aggressive

Confident, calm, sturdy

Tactful, socially savvy

Perfectionist, self-disciplined

Negotiable Traits: Non-essential traits thrown in for flavour and roundness of the form. This form may/may not express these traits, so they do not “make or break” the form if you do not see them in your personality, but the form may still feel incomplete without them being present to some degree.

Playful

Curious

Spontaneous

Passionate

The TDF analysis of the sand cat is very interesting – because there are in fact two of them. I only post one here, but as it’s a lovely example of how interpretations can differ from person to person I encourage you more than ever to follow the link and read both. And keep in mind that just because an analysis fits you doesn’t mean that your form finding journey is over. The writer’s interpretation is only one of many, and it’s your own mission to research your potential forms beyond what any one person can tell you about them.

As Always, please visit the full analysis for full behaviour interpretation as well as in-depth explanations of each trait.

Written By: Pocky, Jan 13, 2013

Personality Specs: 

MBTI: INFP, INFJ, ISFP

Enneagram: 1w9, 4, 6w5, 9

Hogwarts: Hufflepuff, Huffleclaw

D&D Alignment: Neutral Good

SLOAN: RXOAI

Core Traits: These traits are absolutely essential to this form, meaning they have multiple behaviours that point towards each trait. If you don’t express these traits, then this form is not for you.

Solitary, independent, introverted

Secretive

Conflict-avoidant

Nonaggressive, docile

Cautious

Determined

Tolerant

Resilient

Proactive

Confident

Inferred Traits: Inferred Traits are a combination of multiple core traits. They represent the traits one should expect this form to have, even if there are less behaviours to reflect this. These aren’t as inflexible as core traits, but if you don’t express these traits as well, this form is potentially not for you.

polite

curious, adventurous

unassertive

passionate, hard-working, ambitious

withdrawn, high emotional boundaries, unexpressive

Negotiable Traits: Non-essential traits thrown in for flavour and roundness of the form. This form may/may not express these traits, so they do not “make or break” the form if you do not see them in your personality, but the form may still feel incomplete without them being present to some degree.

Unselfish

Kind

Naive

Intuitive

Passive-aggressive

Proud

Courageous

Planners

Passive manipulators

Today we are visited by this gentle feliform. The striped hyena stands for a personality that is reserved, versatile and passive. If you value independence and new experiences, this might be something for you.

As Always, please visit the full analysis for full behaviour interpretation as well as in-depth explanations of each trait.

Written By: Lauren, Oct 07, 2014

Personality Specs: 

MBTI: INFP, INFJ

Enneagram: 9, 9w8

Hogwarts: Ravenpuff, Huffleclaw

D&D Alignment: True Neutral

Core Traits: These traits are absolutely essential to this form, meaning they have multiple behaviours that point towards each trait. If you don’t express these traits, then this form is not for you.

Socially Tolerant Introvert

Independent, Loose Bonding

Reserved

Versatile, Opportunistic

Passive, Conflict-Avoidant

Mediators, Tension Defusing

Impulsive, Impromptu

Inferred Traits: Inferred Traits are a combination of multiple core traits. They represent the traits one should expect this form to have, even if there are less behaviours to reflect this. These aren’t as inflexible as core traits, but if you don’t express these traits as well, this form is potentially not for you.

Private, Unforthcoming

Calm, Unperturbed, Long-fused

Noncommittal

Bluffing, Passive-Aggressive

Easy-going, Amicable

Slow to Trust

Communicative

Cooperative

Negotiable Traits: Non-essential traits thrown in for flavour and roundness of the form. This form may/may not express these traits, so they do not “make or break” the form if you do not see them in your personality, but the form may still feel incomplete without them being present to some degree.

Protective

Prone to Procrastination

Quietly Manipulative

Affectionate, Playful

Friendly, Approachable

Tactful

Another animal that leaves you wondering if it is actually real; the maned wolf. Yes, this stilt-walking canine actually exists, and have not been photohopped. It is not a wolf, though, and not a fox either. What it is is a cautious, introverted and loyal personality. Take a look below to find out more!

As Always, please visit the full analysis for full behaviour interpretation as well as in-depth explanations of each trait.

Written By: Jill, Apr 29, 2014

Personality Specs: 

MBTI: INFP, INFJ

Enneagram: 6w5, 9w1

Hogwarts: Hufflepuff, Hufflerin

D&D Alignment: Neutral Good, Lawful Good

Core Traits: These traits are absolutely essential to this form, meaning they have multiple behaviours that point towards each trait. If you don’t express these traits, then this form is not for you.

Introverted, independent

Loyal, dutiful

Aware, intuitive

Conflict-avoidant

Confident, assertive

Habitual

Inferred Traits: Inferred Traits are a combination of multiple core traits. They represent the traits one should expect this form to have, even if there are less behaviours to reflect this. These aren’t as inflexible as core traits, but if you don’t express these traits as well, this form is potentially not for you.

Tactful, socially capable

Stubborn

Empathetic, perceptive

Cautious

Protective

Untrusting, wary

Negotiable Traits: Non-essential traits thrown in for flavour and roundness of the form. This form may/may not express these traits, so they do not “make or break” the form if you do not see them in your personality, but the form may still feel incomplete without them being present to some degree.

Oppurtunistic

Altruistic

Affectionate

Anxious

Straightforward, non-manipulative

Dramatic, posturing