--YOUR PAIN IS MY PARADISE

Okay I wasn’t serious about that, I just have a very shallow view on mortality, like I really don’t care. Don’t read into it it’s nothing serious lmao

I think these days I yearn for something like tumblr but maybe not tumblr. Maybe I miss myself as a teenager and wish I could tell myself some things and tumblr reminds me of how I viewed myself. Maybe I’m just kinda stupid and failed at life so far? Idk I’ve always thought about killing my self when I turn 30. Like I’m 23 now. Im kinda tired of it all. Fuckkk idk really

I hope you don’t mind my like weird posts. I think I miss those times or maybe I’m romanticizing when my life was easier and it was also at the time of tumblr so like that was a part of it. I remember being up in my room and having tumblr open and believing I was like the ultimate tumblr aesthetic but I was in my dimly lit room and listening to kind of shitty pop-punk music all dramatic. Having teenage crushes and vague-posting about them on tumblr and hoping they’d see and wonder if it’s about them. I remember posting me and my friends group photo I took back in 2015 when I was 16 and like just thinking how cool tumblr was and how cool I was for having 700 followers on a personal blog

Actually I’ve been on tumblr since about 2011 and I have many stories and really when I look back I’m always like, I have no idea how I did not commit suicide. Or like do something fucked up, idk. Like, this site is so weird it brings out the weirdest of people, which like unfortunately includes me.

I remember when tumblr was like, it was probably around 2014 and I made my first tumblr friend. I was 15 at the time and anyways the person claimed to be 24. Being 15, I thought it was cool if I was friends with a 24 year old woman and they would tell me of like insane shit how they were like taking care of some teenager that ran away from home and they had like a big mix of mental disorders and the state was trying to take their house. To this day, I’m not sure if that person was a 24 year old woman or what, or what that was all about, but like recently this repressed memory came into my head and I HAD to share it.

Remember when tumblr loved British guys?

Been kinda nervous to go out to populated areas

You might have heard about the massive stampede in Itaewon, South Korea. I was there that night. I was in one of the side streets at a bar my friend works at for Halloween night celebrations. I was super lucky though, the DJ played a few songs I didn’t like and my friend was like, hey you should go somewhere else, the music is gonna get worse. So I left at around 11:00. I managed to get to the subways where it was completely packed full of people. I saw so so so many people cramped in the Main Street of itaewon, even at itaewon station. I don’t know why I was so lucky to have left before it got worse. I can’t believe over 150 people died. I’ve been having intense nightmares since Saturday and I feel so sad and depressed. One of my friends stayed the night there and told me about what they saw and it’s so so sad. I feel terrible.

One more month and I’ll have all my debt paid off sheesh this was a rough couple of months

I smoke way too many cigarettes when I drink godddd my lungs are FILTHY this fine afternoon