princess of darkness

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on one hand, if there are no changes/minor changes and my doctors just 'monitor' things again i'm going to be annoyed that we are once again playing a waiting game and i have to just feel like garbage for the foreseeable future once again (no energy, bad sleep, hot flashes, high heart rate, all the annoying symptoms that i'm trying to pretend i don't feel, etc.)

but on the other, if there's been a rapid growth or change in the number of nodules found, or if my t3 and t4 levels are higher than they were in march then it's pretty much a given that i have thyroid cancer which is also not ideal, nor would be the needle biopsy needed to confirm it, chemo/radiation treatment, surgery and removal, new medication, time off work, etc.