Shaanti Amor

Tear drops drip onto this paper Like the rain falls from the sky Cleansing me of all that was and the pain of worrying what will become There is healing behind my eyes And I am thinking of you Maybe just the idea of what it could be like to really love again To completely give myself to another human in ways that would make me feel safe As if safety had ever been truly lost in the first place I have been run over, over and over again since he left It is sad the nights I have spent hopelessly sobbing, screaming, shaking Wondering if I will ever come together again My life has devastated me and this is why I want to love you so bad I want to prove to someone so beautiful that I too am capable I want to write poems of pain and love with a pen as the tips of my fingers on your back Drawing soft doodles of a life we are embodying that remembers no lost forgotten thoughts, Hopes, or dreams I want to make you, the one, believe That all I have ever been is not for nothing even just for tonight Please It breaks me to not know how to be Am I not capable? Healthy enough to love? The chain rope confiscating the part of my brain that just might allow me to try with you will proceed And I don’t know if I will ever be the same Yet hope shines behind your eyes And when you look at me I smile While still shivering inside Blushing, thinking of what it would be like if we touched Funny that I know I cannot And I still keep thinking of you How haunting to be in love And not at the same time

It was all fake

Jesus, There is pain in my heart that keeps me up at night Lonely thoughts isolating the purity of my existence Claws wrapped around my body taunting me, pushing me to fall You hold me tight in my times of trial Your tests have blessed me with love and appreciation for all that you are My mind is not right, right now, but it is with you I keep you always and never stray too far And even if it were to ever happen, I know you would be there for me, welcoming me with open arms upon my return This is why I love you Because during every hardship, every meaningless negative thought You are there, Excited for me to come back I care for you very much And at the same time, I cannot level with you because I am not perfect But the idea of perfection is enough for me to know you are real And that God is watching And that you, Jesus Christ, are God’s only son Sent to save us sinners from eternal damnation It is impossible for me to understand what you have done or why And that is okay Because all that I have, And all that I am is enough This moment, right now, is enough for me to handle And I feel this way only with you by my side In my heart As a friend I cannot wait until we meet again

I am not a pretty woman I am a warrior,  A lost, bent, masterpiece I am not a regular human I have been sent here to be free What a paradox it is to be wrapped in chains of a life lost forgotten I am not a poet, an artist, or anything I claim A label would not suffice regarding how I have changed  Through trial, error, acknowledgment, and healing I have found A calling, a meaning if you will, to all that I am bound It'd be my ultimate pleasure For if one moment,  You wouldn't define the lines under my eyes By the tremble in my shaking voice As I read you these lines

Everything I feel is incredibly deep A cave within endless oceans I see vivid imagery as I sleep These thoughts of a mind unlike another are sent through divinity  I am a woman of intense ups and downs  With nothing in between Honest to God, it is my wish to be like this And yet the gift come along has poisoned me  It has choked me, shamed me, sent wind down my spine Yet in my heart there resides The will of love, to give to one, to give to all I care so much for the pain of others that it is my mission to take it on My life I'd give to preserve peace To project wholeness and hope for the lost and broken And I could not be as I am today without having been the same My life has not been easy I have been left repeatedly while bleeding Screaming, "Save me" With no one to come The purpose was not to torment But strong I've become

Come with me on an adventure I am a woman of life long dreams I need a partner to show me grounding Someone to teach me how one climbs a tree Let’s drive to the shoreline With a bed in the trunk I want to show you all that I am And resist what anyone says Days pass by while looking into your eyes Each moment a glance at what could be The vibrations of your words get me lost I’m settled in the feeling of these thoughts

Paint me a picture baby Anything for you I’m day dreaming in your arms On the side of a mountain Never could I fall The sun rises and sets As we lay there to rest Your words soft like the hair on your arms I’d love to go this far I’m waiting for you to say it So that maybe we could be A life, settled in love, peace, and poetry

Please, please, don’t dream If you do, it is said that he will surely leave Everything you think is sending you right and left Gone off track Welcome, welcome back Your home is within And now is the reason Please, please, don’t dream

The oceans movement is sending me to sleep A light so bright, its warmth is pushing me forward I want you

I am love She said it I am love She felt it In her heart There lies a man and a woman intertwined A life not lived A series of divine Serene experiences A kind kindling of a fire caresses her The warmth of another He is blue He radiates sunshine He opens her eyes A feeling so gorgeous Yet in her mind another kind of fire Where will she go from here? This beautiful man knows not of her fears She lives and begins again another life untouched He, his mind, his path unscathed by her wrath Should she leave it as is? Or will he love her back?