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    the summer breeze is a soft caress     of merciful serenity against     seared skin     bearing regret     and pain     

“The letters helped, I promise.” Ellie assured her friend with a subtle nod. She didn’t want to think about how she would’ve handled things without the communication. Having a trusted friend disappear and then Finn would’ve led to a horrible outcome and she knew it. The infirmary trip would’ve been sooner and probably worse, but she tried not to dwell on the potential too much. “I knew you were alright and that you hadn’t forgotten about me. That’s what really matters.”  She added in a sincere tone. Each and every letter was carefully stored between the covers of one of her personal books. She had treasured each one more than he could ever know.

The apology shot straight into her sensitive heart and caused a worried expression to take over her features. “It wasn’t under your control, you didn’t choose to go away. So please don’t feel guilty for not being here through all that. I did…alright. I’m still here and kickin’ after it all.” She assured him. There was some relief to knowing Bambi hadn’t seen her at her worst when Finn was gone, or when she was admitted to the infirmary. His next words were a challenge to process and react to. She wouldn’t be surprised if his job took him away again, but she knew he would let her know and stay in contact through it. Ellie simply nodded at the promise with a serious expression.

Ellie’s eyes misted over at the genuine confession from Bambi about their friendship. She knew he was often a man of few words, which only added to their weight. Her eyes quickly glanced away to blink away the few tears before returning his gaze. “It won’t disappear, I promise. And someday we won’t have to worry about that, you won’t have to act like a guard. I’ll make it out of here and then we can just be friends.” She signed back, momentarily realizing just how rarely she thought about leaving Thornewood. 

. A small smile lit up her tired face at the comment about letting her rule breaking slide. “No, they haven’t bothered me really.” She answered, leaving out the part about fairly easily sneaking into the basement a few times while he was away. If anything it felt like security had loosened in his absence. “You’re not rambling at all, and don’t worry about me being tired. I’ve already been awake for a few hours and know I won’t be able to get any more rest. This is a lot better than sitting in my room staring at the ceiling.” She reassured him. 

   A bashful smile was hiddes against the porcelaine of the mug, eyes averted at her sweet words. It was an emotional overload, being told that it was okay, that he did enough to alleviate her worries about his whereabouts. thoughts bounced from one point to another, a mess that they usually were intense and to some degree uncomfortable even if it didn’t show through the neutral mask always worn when that whirlwind became too loud. 

   A sip was almost finished when her words struck a chord heavily enough to make a chill shoot through his body. The smile vanished in a flash, still hidden by the white-blue paint of the coffee mug. As tense as he always was, it felt like her words turned every muscle into stone, and the cup was stuck at parted lips, eyes widening a fraction in the darkness. It wasn’t under your control, you didn’t choose to go away. It was the most effort Bambi had ever made to be unaffected, his sole focus on her further words as to not let that demon in his mind delve on the meaning behind her sentiment. She couldn’t know the heaviness behind that, and for that to come out now was too much of a burden. White knuckles eased by force and the cup was lowered to hide the tremble behind it, and he nodded along, even if the sudden rise in blood pressure made the shill buzz in his ear grow louder and louder. Like drone bombs all over again.

   Before his eye was drawn to the silent signing, a trained eye caught the glimmer accentuated by the sunrise outside. A soft heart wasn’t new for him, but her openness at words he deemed too much was appreciated, and clinging to that sweetness made the sudden walls crumble. As soon as the signing began, his eyes left hers and focused on the graceful words. Covertly swallowing the lump in his throat, Bambi untangled his fingers from his drink. A contemplating pause went on before he started once, twice to reply. “I'll always act like a guard, but maybe outside this setting it’ll be easier to be...” Another pause as the beginnings of words started but never finished, “Easier to be.” He finished with a shrug, and a cautious smile, palms flat on the cold table.

   “This early? That’s not good, you actually need at least eight hours of sleep a night.” Realizing the hypocrisy in the words made Bambi sigh and lean back in the chair with a creak, old palms now resting against his thigh instead, calming breaths coming easily no when he was further away from her perceptive eye. 

   “But I have no say in that, I’d be contradicting my own waking hours if I did.” A chuckle, easiness in his tone again as the earlier discomfort was shoved aside. “I’ll have a talk with the others to allow some more recreational things in rooms. There are many who suffer short sleep cycles here, guess that’d be only fair. Better than breaking the rules.”

Camille was completely unaware of the internal struggle Bambi was battling, should he scold her for her casual take of the hospital’s rules or not? Though she did take note of the heavy sigh and guessed it could be from their different views on some things. She decided it was a subject best left alone when chatting with the guard. Camille silently brushed it off and focused on the chilled coffee once again, trying to finish it before all the ice melted in the heat.

“Ah I’m sure that’s not true, there’s gotta be a patient or two that have warmed up to you.” She assured him with a wave of her hand. Camille thought over the comment about how chaotic Thornewood could be, and she had to agree. Sometimes she wondered if having the Forrester family around made things worse. “It’s better to be kept on your toes sometimes, keeps things interesting and time doesn’t drag.” She agreed with a half smile. 

Was her stress really that obvious? Camille was well aware of the dark circles that sat under her eyes and the constant aura of exhaustion, but she tried her best to cover up the truth with an energetic attitude. “You know me, always a bit stressed and running around…but I kind of prefer it that way. I think it just comes with being a nurse. The infirmary has been on and off busy, though a recent case really broke my heart. Poor thing clearly hasn’t been eating properly for months, probably since she got here. Can’t believe a therapist didn’t catch it sooner.” She said, her brows pulling together with concern. 

   The mention of having one or two patients that didn’t immediately ostracize him for his job had a dark crimson sneak up from under the collar of his shirt. Fingers that were busy picking at the grass faltered and soon came to hide the expanding blush on sharp cheekbones. If it was the compliment or the veiled truth behind her words that caused the fluster was a mystery, and Bambi wanted to get rid of that feeling as quick as possible. “I hope they’ll find ways to keep us on our toes that doesn’t include breaking the rules.” A grumbled reply came without eye contact, and once again those endlessly fidgety hands were picking at the weeds in the grass. 

A perpetual lack of sleep had caught up with the patient, a nocturnal state had taken over his sleep schedule and considering the therapy session awaiting him early this morning, Cameron came to the unwanted conclusion that sleeping now would be detrimental. The repercussions were not something he wished to face and so, coffee was needed to fuel his groggy movements. Tired feet dragged the yellow patient down the quiet and empty halls, bloodshot hues struggling to stay open in his short search for caffeine.

Rounding the corner to the cafeteria, dilated pupils struggled to adjust to the dim lighting of the room and only caught a glimpse of the startled figure by the coffee machine the remnants of a smirk pulling at the corner of his tired features, taking a twisted sense of amusement over scaring the other with his ominous presence.  

“Can’t be too early if you haven’t actually slept,” Came the mumbled reply as tattooed hands reached for a mug, side-eyeing the man beside him. “You keepin’ tabs or somethin’?” A disgruntled frown followed his question, weighing up the guard that he vaguely recognised, even in his fatigued state, Cameron knew Shiloh hadn’t been present at the hospital in some time. “Someone summon you in a witches circle? Where the fuck have you been?”

   Accusations made the guard step away back to the table here he’d left his belongings, a hum of agreement reverberating through his chest in lieu of a vocal reply. Even the statement of not sleeping was already stored away as a concer and Bambi couldn’t lie about that; It was his job to now everything. If he didn’t, he wasn’t doing his job. Feigning a reply wasn’t what the guard usually did, but something int he back of his brain told him it was okay, a self-reservation tactic. While dwelling on that strange sensation he pulled out a chair and set himself down, hazel eyes turning to the tall man beside him at the question.

   Confusion was a momentary feeling before a huff of breath resembling a chuckle came through tired lips. A joke brewed from the words, barely bitten back with a shake of his head and Bambi turned to stare at his coffee as he mulled for a reply. “I don’t think an email counts as witchcraft. I was doing my job at another location. I doubt that’s too interesting.” A hand brushed over the slight stubble before rubbing the rest of the red-eye flight exhaustion from his eyes, and subsequently wiped away the last apprehension still clinging to him from the other unit.

   A loud sigh distorted the steam from the cup before a calloused hand wrapped around the mug. “You should head back to your room to drink that,” Squinted eyes sought through the dim light for the mug in Cameron’s hands, a pointed nod towards it before mixed green eyes sliced to blues, then back to the table. “Unless you actually want a note on your record, that’s really up to you.”

Camille noticed the tactical vest hanging loose, and she didn’t blame him at all. It looked like it was easy to overheat in. The nurse simply gave a shrug at the comment about not handing out contraband. “Who am I to make things harder in here for patients? They deserve to live a little from time to time.” She replied, taking the rules so casually as usual. 

“Oh no, I would appreciate some company. It’s better than sitting out here alone whining to myself about the heat.” She answered, gesturing for him to take a seat on the grass next to her. Camille took another sip of the iced coffee, which was melting by the minute. “Welcome back by the way. Happy to see ol’ Thornewood again?” She questioned with a raise of her brows. Camille didn’t know Bambi too well, but she never had any negative interactions before, so his company was welcomed. 

   His jaw worked against a rebuttal, choice words bouncing around his head as she watched Cam disregard the rules so nonchalantly. While dark brows twitched into a frown, the heat had to be the reason he let the subject go. If she hadn’t changed during the months he’d been away, it was hardly possible to sway her ways now. Instead of reprimanding her, a sigh flowed out of overheated lungs and Bambi took a comfortable seat at the edge of the shadow, one leg stretched out while the other worked as an armrest. Anxious eyes still scanned the garden for others, a worry of being seen as lazy or slacking off prominent on his mind even as forest green hues scanned over the assortment of snacks.

   “Hm?” The sound was accompanied by those deep eyes snapping to hers, her words slightly muffled before his brain pieced the question together. With a soft oh, Bambi nodded and focused on the grass twisting around his boot. “Thank you. I’m sure I’m happier to be here than the patients are to have me back.” An attempt at a joke that made Bambi’s brow rease in confusion at his own words. “It’s good to be back, even if it’s more chaotic than the Ontario unit. I missed being proactive.” A smile adorned pale pink lips, but it was genuine even if the terror of the summer heat still tried to draw it into a grimace.

Ellie was perceptive as always, and she noticed no signs of anxiety or discomfort from the brief moment of contact. That wasn’t always the case with Bambi, so she was thankful to have this relaxed moment. It’s exactly what she needed after a rough night. His answer brought another smile to her tired face, she had caught him at the perfect time. “I’m glad I can be the one to welcome you back then.” She replied. “You’ve been practicing your signs?” She questioned after taking notice of his smoother movements. 

Her exhausted body welcomed the chair despite anxiety that called for her to pace and fiddle. Ellie took in and processed Bambi’s next statement, giving a shake of her head at his apologies. “There’s nothing to be sorry about, you contacted me as soon as you could. I’m just glad you were able to send me some letters, I knew you were okay, unlike F-” Her words stopped short, the disappearance of him still weighing heavily on her at times. The anxiety surrounding Finn’s whereabouts and safety always nagged at the back of her thoughts when he wasn’t physically by her side. 

The question was a difficult one to answer for Ellie. She wanted to be more open with those she trusted, but it was never easy to discuss her struggles. “I’ve been uh, I’ve been alright. Some really shitty stuff happened, but it’s getting better.” She answered vaguely. Ellie did wonder if Bambi would hear about or read about her trip to the infirmary and she felt guilt for not openly telling him about it. Her body language softened and she gave him a bittersweet smile in return. “I missed you too, a lot. It was hard not having you here for the last few months especially.” She signed before reaching out a thin hand to give one of his a squeeze. 

   Another wave overcame pale features when her infinite perception caught him off guard, painting high cheekbones red as he signed a hurried yes. As embarrassment clawed at his very soul, Bambi zoned his attention on the steam rising from the coffee before him. The chair creaked under his weight as he scooted to give her space to sit. Hazel eyes zoned in on the wall of steam rising from his coffee but there was time to flick over to look at her as she spoke. Another apology nearly spilled from parted lips and a short breath, but those cursed, overused words of his were reigned in with a tight smile and a nod. 

   “I did tell you I wouldn’t leave without a warning again, and I’m a man of my word. Still, I’m so-” As she had done before him, Bambi also cut off his word. For different reasons it would seem, but the apology was now replaced with a low, self-deprecating chuckle and a rough hand running over his face turned away from her. “I’m glad I could ease your mind. It’s been a long time since I’ve sent letters to anyone. You deserved to know.” No sincere letters since the military, or the CV he’d so gracefully mailed instead of sending electronically. Those thoughts already made Bambi feel the threads of tension coil around his heart, her voice the angel from above that kept those treacherous feelings at bay.

   Nodding along to her confession, eyes soon sliding back to meet hers. Without his reports and files Bambi felt like bumbling fool when it came to interaction with anyone, and her admission did raise a cautious red flag. Fingers tapped the hot porcelaine without care for the momentary pain as he searched her tired eyes, his own softening at her tired appearance. “I'm s- Um, I- I wish I could’ve been here to help you through it, but I’m sure the professionals here could offer some support.” As his voice went down in volume, more to a whisper in the silent room, Bambi freed his reddened fingertips from around the cup and resorted to that form of signing instead. 

   “I know I’ve said it too much,and I don’t blame you if you wouldn’t believe me, but I’m not going anywhere.” A lowered tilt of his head caught her eyes and Bambi let his lips draw into a soft smile, a cautious little thing full of hope and apprehension. She had every right to doubt him now after all the times he’d let her down. There was fear behind that thought, but it was held deep inside, hidden from the surface.

   “I’ll do my best to be here for you from now on, as much as my job allows me to be. You’re- You’re my friend, and I don’t want that to disappear. I hope you never forget that, even when I have to act like a guard instead of a friend.” It was a frightening, uncomfortable thought. His shoulders stiffened at the thought of having to drag her to solitary, or even a basic restraining hold unlike that he’d used on her during the fight so many months ago. Mossy eyes sought hers before finding solace in the darkness within his drink, again, but the smile still kept in place. “Until my shift begins I’ll let this disregard for curfew slide. I’m just glad you found me first, before my coworkers. I prefer this,” He gestured between them with a sheepish smile, “To them talking over each other. I doubt anything’s changed with that. They- They haven’t given you trouble, right? Finley isn’t the best at keeping them in check, strange for a Forrester child but- But I’m rambling, I’m sorry. You must be tired.”

It had been yet another night of little to no sleep for Ellie. It was often that way on nights that she wasn’t able to share a bed with Finn. Sometimes it made her feel weak to need him to sleep well, but knowing he was next to her and safe eased a lot of her anxieties. Ellie decided that some hot tea would be soothing after a few hours of nightmares and flashbacks. She doubted she would run into anyone, but she put in her hearing aids just in case. 

Upon stepping into the dim cafeteria Ellie spotted someone else and paused for a moment in confusion. Without his uniform it took a few seconds for Ellie to register that Bambi was back. She didn’t know when he would return despite fairly regular letters from him, so she was just as surprised as he was. Ellie’s tired face broke into a smile at seeing her friend again. She hurried forward to give him a hug, her thin arms struggling to give any solid squeeze. “Oh hush, I know it’s early, but I’m so happy you’re back!” She replied. 

Ellie took a step back to give him some space after the short embrace. She worried he would notice the difference since he had last been at Thornewood. Despite rigorous therapy and treatment her clothes hung loosely on a still withering body, but it was one that was inching towards recovery. In spite of Finn’s recent return dark circles sat under her eyes, but they were improving little by little. “When did you get back?” She asked, signing as she spoke. Fluently signing with someone else again almost felt like returning home, it was familiar and comforting. 

   Once his addled brain caught up with the visage that stood before him, Bambi’s face lit up. It was the first smile he’d shown in months, and here it felt easier than ever. While her thin arms felt weaker than before, Bambi kept the dazzling smile on his face as he returned the embrace; Something he still managed with her around. He looked at memories of the Canadian colleagues attempting a similar gesture with anxiety, but the feeling behind this hug was something familiar. Even in the comfortability Bambi noted the difference, and while her face wasn’t facing his, a brief tic of his brows into worry before the neutrality was back in place. 

   Looking at her, Bambi found no objections to her reasoning. It brought down his perceived integrity, but he wasn’t on duty and patrols weren’t scheduled to pass the cafeteria for some hours, so the usual tension that came with skirting the rules wasn’t visible tension or nervous movements. Hazel eyes skipped from her eyes, to the hearing aids and finally to the clothes on her back in what could be seen as disbelief. Cursed by perception, he noticed the hang around the shoulders and wrists, but he made an assumption she wore baggier clothes at night. 

   The grin that had slowly faded into a slight quirk of a content smile got more oomph behind it at her signing. The mug in his hands clanked loudly against the table as he set it down to free his hands for a reply. 

   “I got back half an hour ago,” he signed, the movements less laggy than they were before he left. Being alone in a foreign country with an introvert’s personality had left him nothing but time to practice his signing. His hands fell to his thighs as he sat down at the table and gestured at her to join him, “If you want, it’s still very early.” The heat of the coffee seeped through the mug as Bambi wrapped his fingers around it again, bringing it up to his lips before freeing them for further conversation.

   “I’m happy to be back. I’m sorry I left like that again, both from our conversation and to Canada. Emergencies never rest. How, how have you been?” Eyes averted for a moment to collect his thoughts, the view behind the windows heavy with morning grace to help him find the words.

   It was the earliest Bambi had ever set foot in the cafeteria — or not; he was a chronic early bird, and the receptionist had questioned his motives for coming to work three hours early, today was no different. The plane from Canada had touched down only half an hour before and home hadn’t even seen the man before he’d made his way to the hospital. Although the nights were light in the summer, it was still dim out while the clock ticked closer to five a.m and Bambi made himself at home near the coffeemaker. With the cafeteria — and subsequently the hospital — sound asleep, Bambi hadn’t donned his usual work uniform but sported something he’d never imagined he’d wear to the hospital, sweatpants and a ratty black hoodie. The proper militaristic posture was traded for a slight, tired slouch as his palms held against the countertop edge in patient wait for the coffee to finish brewing.

   “I hope I’m not mistaken for a patient” was an ironic yet prevalent thought as he poured himself a cup of steaming, freshly made coffee. Slow in his movements, Bambi stood by the electronic for a moment longer to rub the travel exhaustion from his eyes. Stifling a yawn came at the same point as he turned to take his spot at the table, only for that yawn to turn into an exclamation of surprise. Eyebrows shot up and the noise that came from the depths of his lungs was as much of a yelp as it as a grunt, and even through the unlit darkness in the room Bambi could tell his eyes widened a comical amount and cheeks reddened into an embarrassed crimson hue. 

   “Jesus, you startled me.” The statement was obvious, but he hadn’t heard the footsteps approaching. Blame it on the incessant tinnitus drowning out the small sounds in the dead of night. Adjusting the slipped grip around the coffee mug, Bambi wiped the shock off his face with a rough palm that continued to push back his short-cropped hair. 

Snacks and Blooms || Open Starter || 6.22.2020

Summer was finally in full swing around Thornewood and the gardens were blooming. Bumble bees lazily hummed around the countless flowers in search of nectar. With the warm season Camille made sure to take any breaks she could get outside to soak up the sunshine. She had just barely managed to squeeze some time between a mountain of paperwork and rounds with patients.

A small packed lunch was dumped on the grass haphazardly as Camille leaned against a tree. She took a sip from an ice coffee, the only thing keeping her going half the time, and let out a big sigh. Before she could fully relax she spotted a figure approaching. Camille gestured towards the various snacks and sandwich by her side. “You hungry at all? I’m already the community cigarette donor, gotta add some snacks in there as well.” She quipped with a half smile.

   The heat was like a blanket too tight and too warm to be comfortable in. Snagging the garden patrol was an attempt to relieve the discomfort brought by a t-shirt already sticking to humid skin, but the light breeze was only a minor help. With curious eyes out of range, Bambi undid the tactical vest that always adorned his form and fanned the burgundy fabric below. Completely engrossed in cooling down and subconsciously tracking towards the shade of the numerous trees, he almost missed the plethora of food until the sunshine was blocked by the rustling leaves.

   Pausing for a moment Bambi quickly let go of his shirt. It didn’t help with the unprofessional outlook with the vest hanging from his shoulders, but he still offered a smile in return.

Wardrobe snapshots: Casual