you can't even stitch various body parts together to create a man anymore. due to woke

he shouldnt be at the club he should be in a dark old basement laboratory saying shit like “fascinating” or “by jove” and conducting experiments on himself

kill them with kindness? WRONG! medical malpractice 💉🩸💉🩸💉🩸🩻🫀🩸🫀🩸💉🫀🩸🩻🫀💉🫀💉🫀🩻🩸🩻🫀💉🫀🩸🫀💉🫀🩻💉💉💉💉🩻💉🩻🩸🫀💉🩸🩻💉🩻🩸🫀🩻💉💉💉💉🫀🩻💉🩻🩸🫀🩻💉🫀🩻🫀💉🫀💉🫀🩻🩻🩻🩸🫀💉💉🩻🫀🩸🫀🩻🩻🩻🩻🩸🩻🩻💉🫀🫀🫀

girls want me. youtubers make “Top 10 Social Experiments that went TOO FAR!” videos about me. health and safety inspectors fear me.

(voice of a man invariably alienated from the human experience): Hey guys

accidentally let my clipboard fall, exposing my meticulous notes written in glitter gel pen and labeled “EVIL ROBOT TRANSGENDER ROBOT TRANSFORMATION ROBOT SERUM” and thus revealing to a roomful of test subjects that they were, in fact, the control group. this is met with a chorus of disappointed groans

hey besties friendly reminder to drink water, feed your lab rats, turn off your evil nuclear generator, change out of your dirty lab coat, go for a walk and take care of yourself <3

Girl why don't you put down that yucky concoction, and fuck with a real potion like me..

honestly we don't need more stem majors we need people who sit under bridges and attack you when you try to cross

no way… you’re morose? AND lugubrious??? 😳

Per experimental protocol we cannot disclose whether your boyfriend is part of the test group or part of the control group, nor can we comment on the likelihood of his inclusion in either cohort; suffice it to say that it's possible that we're sorry about your boyfriend.

haters will literally give birth to you

they dont make bombs that are a big black ball with a string sticking out of it anymore

didnt attack OR kill anyone today btw