suki

i get disappointed more than sad these days. #alaia

y am im suddenly missing him and his sex?

nostalgia is a dirty liar 😓

#freedom #is #calling #me

all of the people that were in my life before currently have no value or meaning to me. unfortunately im not even typing this from rage or sadness, it’s just the truth. they would be lucky if i even look at them again. i see no purpose in purposeless people. betrayal is not only weird it’s so unnatural. it’s deliberate and at times so calculated. i don’t believe you ever feel remorse for things like that. who knows im still young but ehhh i don’t think so. i really enjoy being alone most times. it’s way more comforting than bad company. i think a lot these days, i also feel a lot less.

i am sorry that efforts of affection are met with chilling glances via glass eyes. as still as a baby doll, i am. i do in fact feel, i feel so deeply that i become paralyzed. instantly shot into the realm of observation i do not trust your advances, my conditioning tells me that it is a ploy. now, i sink into the void of despair. on the outside it looks dry as a desert but inside.. inside there are tsunamis of an ever raging ocean. i cannot tell you what caused these waves or how to stop them as i am paralyzed by their greatness. maybe i want to scream for help maybe i want to die i can’t be sure because this is all in a moments happening and just like that my demeanor is misinterpreted as ice and we are on to the next..

i will never stop chasing a love like this. titles and rules only taint things.. i just want to look at him. and touch him. hold him because no one ever has. it’s such a tender flame. one that easily burns into rage. that part scares me but ill risk it nevertheless. i love him. whoever he is.