* & recently -

there’s a drink in hyeju’s hand, and she’s taken a few sips from it, but she really wasn’t in the mood to be full out drinking. there were too many eyes around watching her, and she usually didn’t drink during promotions. drinking led to weight gain, and her outfits for i just wanna dance most likely could not permit that. she had also finished concert outfit fittings while on this promotional diet which meant she was going to have to maintain it until the concert. a lot of work, but nothing new in this line of work. 

so she’s a little concerned when seungwoo appears to be a little chirpier than usual, but she takes his compliment with a smile. “thanks. it was a little rushed, but i’m glad you liked it.” all her solo music promotions had been rushed but have ended up doing better than expected which was a little surprising. “are we getting any solo music from you any time soon? you write almost all of impulse’s music so i’d assume you have something in works for yourself as well. is it gold star just being an ass?” 

rushed. “ah, but you can’t tell! that’s all that matters to the audience.” rushing might as well be the name of the business they’re in. seungwoo isn’t a fan of it, but he’s become accustomed to it over the years. the last couple of months have been relatively slow for impulse - a lot of flights, and other than their concerts, there hasn’t been much. the concerts themselves are tiring, but seungwoo would never turn his nose up at the opportunity to travel. he still likes to live modestly, a habitual saver from childhood, so holidays abroad stress him out. travelling for work balances it out.

“i just wanna dance is really good, hyeju, really good!” this is as social as seungwoo has been in years. he can count the amount of parties he’s attended in the last couple of years on one hand, and most of them have been over the last week. tonight at the pink party, his cheeks are as rosy as his outfit - he’s drinking a little tonight. seungwoo doesn’t usually drink outside of his home, and even then he usually stops after one or two. that’s no different, he’s only on his second drink, but still, he feels looser than usual. 

in general, seungwoo has been braver lately. he thinks he can identify the source of his slowly growing confidence, but he still isn’t sure if anything is going to come out of that in particular. he thinks he’d like something to. he isn’t convinced that the feeling is mutual.

jiyoo took one long look at seungwoo and tied to stop herself from laughing immediately after.  it was amusing slightly, the fact that she was hanging out with seungwoo. at his apartment no less. ( even though she had him over at hers. ) “relax, i won’t eat you up you know…” and for the fun of it, she shot him a flirty look. “unless..?” the snort came quick this time and she flashed him a smile. “i can get comfortable right?” but it really wasn’t a question. before she even finished her sentence, jiyoo relaxed out onto the couch. laying so that her feet hung off the end. 

then she reached out for her own shot of sujo but didn’t down it right away. “nothing.” that reply came right away but that wasn’t really it. “i did a few things we the brand and the contract will be up for renewal soon. we had some meetings but i didn’t really do anything if you know what i mean.” they weren’t promoting on music shows, they weren’t filming anything and she wasn’t guesting on any shows. it didn’t feel like real work. that was the heart of it. 

she took to her shot after that. making a face as it went down, “oh? non friend?” for some reason she giggled, well, jiyoo knew why but just the thought of it made her giggle. if he was already nervous, would it be wrong to tease him a little? “only fun? if you’re going to get rid me after one night…we should make it unforgettable no?” 

the memory of his plane ride to bangkok resurfaces suddenly - his promise to give jeonghoon access to his apartment. when jiyoo sends him a flirty look, he, for a second, wishes that he’d already given him a key. it isn’t that he doesn’t like it, or isn’t ... open to it. it’s just that he’s out of practice. it’s been ... six whole years since he’s last slept with anyone, and he can’t really tell how serious she’s being about it. if seungwoo is going to get into anything now, he’d prefer it to be something serious. but, he figures that might be too much to ask. he ends up not commenting on her threat to eat him up, though he cracks a nervous smile, and just moves on to nodding his head earnestly, saying, “go ahead. make yourself at home.” 

seungwoo laughs through his next drink, almost dribbling on himself, as he watches jiyoo make herself comfortable on his couch. he’s tempted to think she looks good there, but only tempted.

despite many idols voicing their distaste for long flights, entrapped in the confines of an airplane, jeonghoon finds himself enjoying the quiet nature of the ride. it’s always enticing the way he’s able to observe the different sleeping patterns of his members and their managers, and be hidden away from the barriers of social media, internet news and just 5g lte in general. looking around, he elicits a small laugh, looking at his members strung out lazily across the aisle with their mouths wide open, knocked out from the tiredness of their hectic schedules. 

his quietness and observant moments are interrupted by a soft feeling of his leader’s head on his shoulder. peering over, he gives his leader a loving pat on his head. “hyung… i missed you!” he exclaims, gently placing his head on top of the older male’s. reminiscing back to his trainee days, he always feels somewhat indebted to seungwoo, always grateful that he had reached out first. when he was struck with worry, finding it a burden to mesh well with the other trainees, seungwoo was the one to pull him out of that sticky rut. where he had trouble opening up to people, fearing that his jumbled words would be a deterrent, jeonghoon knew that his leader always carried a sense of comfort, welcoming him with open arms.

“it’s okay, hyung. i suppose i’m okay - i always liked the loneliness, you know?” he replies. truth be told, he missed his members and missed living in the dorm even more than he’d lead on, but how could he voice that when everyone seemed so excited to live their separate ways? “i learned how to order food through the app, so i’ve been ordering burgers lately. don’t worry about me,” he reassures. it wasn’t the same as when his members would cook for him, but it sure was better than the packs of instant ramen he’d go through. “how have you been hyung? you look kind of sad right now, or is it because you’re bloated from the plane ride?”

seungwoo laughs fondly as jeonghoon pats him on the head. he considers jeonghoon evidence that his efforts to be better and more personable as a senior trainee were successful. he transitioned from gold star media’s local loner to someone a boy like jeonghoon could find comfort in. there’s been bumps - one large one, in particular, that seungwoo doesn’t like to talk about - along the road since then, but he’s thankful that their relationship has remained unscathed to this day. “i’ve missed you too.” 

“jeonghoon,” seungwoo’s voice is barely above a whisper, concern for their other members asleep in the plane cabin always evident. the flight from seoul to bangkok isn’t the longest flight they’ve taken together, but six rough hours is still a considerable chunk of time to fill. seungwoo, for one, can’t sleep. it’s probably his own fault for drinking too much coffee. he’s been too distant lately though. seungwoo’s always been the type to go beyond expectations as a leader, as an older brother figure, and as someone his members can go to for advice. to anyone outside of impulse, it wouldn’t look like he’s been neglecting his leadership duties, but he’s been feeling increasingly guilty about taking more time for himself, like he’s been trying to do lately.

it’s good then, all things considered, that he can’t sleep. he has the perfect opportunity to check in with jeonghoon. seungwoo has always overcompensated for his destroyed relationship with his biological younger brothers, especially with jeonghoon, who reminds him so much of the littlest ahn brother - who, seungwoo assumes, is probably not so little anymore. seungwoo’s altogether too soft on the guys most of the time, he thinks. he’s firm when he has to be, but he’s always willing to listen. maybe he’s too gentle, but they have good relationships. he can’t say that about his real brothers.

there’s a strange and rather juvenile sense surrounding seungwoo this evening. he’s possessed by an awkwardness unbecoming of a leader figure, sitting with his legs crossed and hands fidgeting on his knees. he’ll put it down to the fact that he can’t really remember the last time he had someone over at his place who wasn’t a member of impulse. mostly, seungwoo prefers to go out. in his own apartment, he finds he ends up stuck in his head, anxious to play host with the most. perhaps it’s because he’s not used to sharing the space with anyone else. 

that anxiety isn’t too bad tonight, even if it has been replaced with something arguably worse, and that’s due to @fmdjynx​, sitting across from him on his big, cushiony couch. everything in seungwoo’s apartment is big, much too big for a man living alone, but he admittedly likes his comforts more than what would be considered sensible. 

the shot of soju he tips back is calming, helps seungwoo forget his nerves as he laughs along with jiyoo. it’s good, he thinks, to be friendly with her like this. tonight, relaxing with her, and having a drink without his conscience weighing too heavily on him, marks something special. a new chapter for seungwoo, where guilt potentially won’t feature quite so heavily.

[???]: siri can you play me a fun movie [???]: siri why aren’t you working [???]: aiiish, i hate you siri

“you know, sometimes we like to vent and trash talk our exes.” and it now it was just a little more noticeable that they didn’t about seungwoo. either it was nothing at all or inyoung’s current fling. “yeah, she’s doing well, being able to travel the globe, every time we talk, she’s having fun.” jiyoo wasn’t sure if inyoung worked at all, the girl had money so anything would be a hobby to her. but she was good and happy, it was jiyoo that held anger on her behalf. six years ago, everything went down six years ago and she marveled at how petty she could be. 

“i’ll just stick with calling you an asshole, well reminding you of it.” because, that wouldn’t stop any time soon. he really was, and it was her duty, it felt like her duty. “but being mean would be counter-productive, not when i’m suppose to be giving you a chance.” a chance. a chance to what? after he cleared the air, were they suppose to become friends? or just be able to say hello without her glaring at him as if he life depended on it. all she could do was sigh before, mentally prepared herself to listen to him. 

and as she listened, jiyoo found herself frowning. that being, because they had some things in common. and even more so because she felt the tiniest ( very tiny ) bit of anger rising on his behalf. it didn’t make what he did right, it didn’t change anything and she wasn’t even sure about how it would tie. the ramen was ready at least and she slid him a pair of chopsticks, trying to figure out what to say. “you didn’t win but you could’ve won. a name is just a name. life just as a funny way of working out.” it was the most comfort she could give, right now, it was all she knew how to give. “…it’s okay to feel used and honestly..they’re assholes too. you don’t become a trainee and just debut, it was a lot to ask for and even if things didn’t go your way..as family, they should’ve supported you.”

“yeah.” you know, she says. he doesn’t, but he acts like he does, cracking a nervous smile. seungwoo can see inyoung now - jetting around the world without a care. he can’t imagine having that kind of life. it could never be him. his only times out of the country have come about through work. “good for her. looks like she got the best result out of all of us, huh?” there’s a bitter note to his voice, evident in the sigh he punctuates his rhetorical question with. he drums his fingers on his knees, thinking about where he’d be if he had that kind of money. in seoul still, maybe. with his family, maybe. 

the laugh that jiyoo pulls out of him is genuine. there’s something endearing about the idea of asshole being a neutral address between them. he wouldn’t go so far as to call it a term of endearment itself, but he appreciates her open mindedness nonetheless. “thanks. i’ll ... stop saying thanks, now. you must be sick of me already.”

jiyoo was silent for a moment, thinking over his words while noting how tense he was. and she couldn’t help but smirk at that. “hold that thought, i’ll be right back.” it was a way to give them both time to prepare themselves for it. in the en, she did let him come over ( for whatever reason. ) and it’d be wrong to have constantly on edge. ( even if he deserved it. ) jiyoo crossed the short distance to get to the kitchen and made quick work of getting everything ready. the one time it was good to have a fancy fridge that could produce hot water. she grabbed random flavors of noddle and got the whole set up together. it’d only take a few minutes. 

“as a matter of fact…” jiyoo came to opening of the kitchen so seungwoo could see her. “come in here instead, we can talk in here.” and they wouldn’t have to walk back and forth. while he made his way over, she grabbed some cold bottles of water and passed one to him once he made his way to her. “i’ll be honest.” at least she didn’t have a bite to her tone this time, instead a sigh left her mouth and jiyoo took a seat at the table. motioning for him to do the same. “it’s been a while since i’ve spoken to inyoung.” 

what was the harm in being honest. “and when we do talk, we don’t really talk about you. i might be angry for someone who’s already gotten past you. i’ll hear you out but i don’t know how much it’ll change things. and i’ll try my best to be nice.” she’d try. 

seungwoo thinks that he must look like a damn fool, perched on the cushion like he is. and he must look even worse, even more desperate as he shoots up into a standing position to immediately follow her into the kitchen. “yeah?” seungwoo slides into the seat across from her, twisting open the water bottle. he’s glad she got him one. his mouth is as dry as a desert, so he needs it. “is ... is she well though? i assume she is.” seungwoo smiles, a thin, hopeful stretch of his lips. “that’s good.” he says, nodding in relief. “i didn’t ... expect you to. talk about me, i mean. why would you?” 

ah, so inyoung could very well be over it. still, seungwoo doesn’t expect that he’ll be receiving a text from her any time soon. “thanks again, by the way. it means a lot that you’re willing to listen. but, uh, don’t be nice if you don’t want to be.” seungwoo grimaces, resigning himself to anything and everything that could happen. “there’s, what, six years of anger stored in you, right? rip into me, if you want.”

if you spent one day with a fan, where would you go and what would you do?

“bring them to the studio, of course!” seungwoo answers, like it was obvious. he’s gotten this question a couple of times before, and he’s learned off his answer by now. “i’d give them an inside look at everything coming up for impulse. it would be the ultimate spoiler experience … but they’d have to be sworn to secrecy.”

which boy group do you like the most recently?

should he answer origin? he never knows if it’s appropriate to. they’re not on the list anyways. are there still fan wars? probably - there always is. seungwoo quickly circles decipher’s name on the piece of paper. “who doesn’t love decipher, right? i look up to them.”

what soloist do you like the most recently?

seungwoo writes down three names: byul, taeyong and vivienne. “is it okay to write down three names? or do you want me to narrow it down again?” no, it’s fine, three is fine. “i’m trying to find more music nowadays though. do you have any recommendations?” not that he’ll remember them. the fansign isn’t anywhere near over, and he’s going to have to sit through a lot more conversations.

what song have you been listening to a lot that you would recommend to fans?

“heart of glass by blondie,” seungwoo writes down, drawing a little heart to go along with it. “i’ve been really into older, more retro songs this last little while. i’ve really liked their sounds. i’d like to try writing something along those lines, but i don’t know that i could do it well enough.”

how should i ask out the person i like?

what’s your favorite scent?

“i like fresh and citrusy scents,” seungwoo says, adding it to the list on the sticky note. they’ve written musky, floral, and manly - and that, he thinks, is usually the same as musky. “it’s not for everyone, some people think i just smell like soap,” he admits with a goofy scrunch of his nose.

what is do you consider to be your most charming feature/trait?

what song would you want to sing to or play for someone you like?

seungwoo covers his mouth as he thinks, mostly to hide the grimace that threatens to emerge. “hm, i don’t know. maybe an original song? i could write a new one for them, and serenade them.” the fan laughs, and seungwoo does too. “what, you don’t think i could pull it off? i thought it was cute. don’t you like my music?”

what is the first thing you think of when someone mentions your fans? 

“the best!” he says, giving the fan an affirmative thumbs up. all fans want is to hear their support actually matters to their idols. “inpulses still sticking by us through all these years means a lot to me.” he says, sincerely. as for seungwoo’s own personal fanbase? he truly doesn’t know. they all seem to either want to adopt him or fuck him, for the most part.

what are your recent wishes? 

seungwoo has to think about this one. some forgiveness in himself? to reconnect with his family? most of his wishes are too heavy to write down on a post-it note. so, with a happy looking smile on his face, he scribbles, “to be kinder to myself.” it’s nice and vague, but encompasses everything he wants to say. “oh,” he adds, as the fan starts to move away. “and for you to be kinder to yourself too.”

what job would you want if you weren’t an idol? 

can you give some inspiring words for someone going through a hard time?

seungwoo hates getting questions like this. he understands why people ask - they’re looking for support from someone they look up to. he always feels like his answers are inadequate, no matter what he says. “keep going! everything is temporary!” is what seungwoo settles on, though he worries that it could just make things sound worse.

what is your favorite movie/book you’ve seen/read recently?

what’s the secret behind your good looks? 

seungwoo still isn’t used to these kinds of questions. yeah, he’s good looking, he knows that, but these questions are weird to him. he scribbles down some genuine advice: “(1) sleep well! (2) drink lots of water! (3) good skincare!” but seungwoo leans across to the fan and pouts cutely at her to say, “but you already have good looks, so don’t worry too much about it.”

give yourself a percent ranking from 0 to 100 in the following categories: cute, cool, and sexy.