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ā i wouldnāt find the need to tell you āi told you soā if you werenāt so allergic to admitting iām rightābut by all means, keep walking into walls just to prove a point. ā
ā there are better hills to die on, but iāve always had a flair for the dramatic, so this one? this one suits me just fine. ā
ā would you come with me? i know i could go alone, but everything feels a little less terrifying when youāre beside me. ā
ā thatās not the worst thing iāve ever heard, but itās definitely in the top tenāand iāve been to family dinners. ā
ā i would love to help you, truly, but iām currently suffering from a terminal case of 'not my problem' and my doctor says thereās no cure. ā
ā could you, for just one second, think about someone other than yourself? iām not asking for a miracleājust a moment of humanity. ā
ā iām not going to stand here and argue with you about how badly you need rest. when you crash, donāt expect me to catch you. ā
ā would you be a dear and shut the hell up? thereās only so much self-centered rambling a person can survive in one sitting. ā
ā i know i need help. i know. but asking for it feels like walking into battle without armorāgive me a second to find the words. ā
ā do you know where weāre going? or are we just letting the chaos guide us now? ā
ā iām trusting you with this. thatās not something i give away easily, so pleaseādonāt make me regret it. ā
ā do you like it here? not the placeāthe moment. the quiet. me. ā
ā are you still happy? and i donāt mean surface-level smiles and small talk. i mean really, truly happy. with me. with this. ā
ā i didnāt lie to you. i just told the truth in a way that made it easier to swallow. if thatās betrayal, then maybe you never wanted honestyājust comfort. ā
ā do you even like spending time with me anymore? because lately, it feels like all we do is circle the same argument and call it conversation. ā
ā one of us is going to have to be honest eventually, and iām starting to think itās going to have to be meāagain. ā
ā i want to tell you something. something real. something raw. but i keep getting caught in the storm of my own hesitation. ā
ā if you were the religious type, i think iād still find a way to make you worship me. or at least remember me in your prayers. ā
ā donāt tell me to stop being dramatic. itās the only thing that makes this unbearable mess of a life remotely entertaining. ā
ā were you ever going to tell me, or were you just hoping iād eventually give up trying to read your mind? ā
ā i never needed you to fix me. i just needed you to stay when i was falling apart. but even that was too much, wasnāt it? ā
ā sometimes i think you love the version of me that only exists in your head. the quiet one. the easy one. the one who doesnāt talk back. ā
ā iām tired of being the bigger person. itās lonely up here and the view isnāt even worth it. ā
ā you donāt get to disappear and then waltz back in like you didnāt shatter something on your way out. ā
ā if you wanted to hurt me, congratulations. you did it with terrifying precision. ā
ā itās not that i donāt care anymoreāitās just that caring has become exhausting. ā
ā i donāt know what we are anymore. i donāt know if we ever really knew. ā
ā you keep saying everythingās fine like youāre trying to hypnotize me into believing it. ā
ā loving you felt like setting myself on fire and pretending it was candlelight. ā
ā i keep telling myself itāll get better, but iām starting to wonder if thatās just another bedtime story i made up to survive. ā
ā you canāt just say āiām sorryā and expect everything to go back to the way it was. apologies arenāt time machines. ā
ā you left. and somehow, iām still the one who feels guilty. ā
ā i didnāt push you away. you just stopped reaching out. thereās a difference. ā