𝙻𝚎𝚎

In a way, I guess I got what I wanted. In the end, everyone lives, and everyone is happy. They're growing, and they're moving on, and each of them will go on to live happy lives.

But what I got from Will's character was not what I wanted. It's fantastic, yes; it's the story of a boy who learns to accept himself and be who he is in a time where the world will hate him for it. It's another story about self love. In the end, he accepts himself for who he is, he eventually is able to find love, and he continues to grow as himself, free of the rule of an abuser.

He's another character to teach self-love. And I don't need that anymore. A large amount of us know how to do that now. This might help people come out to their parents, this might help people work through internalized homophobia -- but the people who are watching? Who have been waiting for years for blue and yellow to finally meet in the west, to show us "love like yours can be shown"?? They know how to do that already. They don't need to be told time and time again "love yourself, accept yourself", because they already know how.

Shows and stories have taught me how to love myself. Now, I need one to teach me how to be loved. How do I let someone else see me? How do I let go of the ledge and let myself fall without worrying if the other person will catch me? How do I let myself feel these things without hesitance, without fear, without trying to jam myself into an expectation of "good" or "worthy" or "pure"? Teach me. That was the lesson I was expecting. That was the lesson we all signed up for.

Some may think "oh, he found love in the end!! See? Isn't this what you wanted?" And to that I ask, "did you really think the destination was the point?" It could've been mike. It could've been a new character that we got to hear speak even once. It could have been anyone. The point is that we were never shown how he did it. We had a whole story set up for it: one of a boy who has loved his friend for years, is terrified of saying it, and eventually works up the courage to drop off that ledge and admit who he is. But instead of being caught -- instead of the message being "take the risk, don't be afraid; you can be loved if you only let yourself be" -- he landed in a clearing on his own two feet and was told "you don't need anyone else right now. For now, loving yourself is enough. Sit down and take a break." Which is all well and good, except we are sick of waiting. We want to move on; we're on our feet ready to go, and we are sick of characters finding this clearing and having to wait for someone else to come get them. We wanted one -- just one -- person to be caught in this trust fall, and for the person who caught them to grab their hand and take off running down the path so we can finally have someone to follow. We thought we'd get that. We didn't.