Cereal

these boys each scarfed down a tuna sandwich and then proceeded to breathe fish fumes into each others mouths and that was when they both realized they were in love. when you put it like that you just really believe. that anything is possible

this isn’t even a revolutionary thought but like. making daniel old in amc iwtv was such a fucking cool and important choice that forces people to deal with their ageism and how much of that is linked to aesthetic beauty. and daniel is beautiful because he has aged. like almost every single other character is years upon years older than him and yet because they look young they move through life forever being seen that way. and now we have a vampire who wasn’t turned as a young adult but has lived a full human life with all the hardships and struggles that come with it and has grown old and sick and jaded but is also experienced and wise and a pro at what he does and only now after he’s spent years coming to terms with his own aging and the decline of his health, is he gifted with vampirism. a thing he thought was only accessible to him when he was young and eager and hopeful. and his maker wouldn’t give it to him then, and louis wouldn’t give it to him then, and if you think for even one second that armand turned him out of spite then you don’t know what it is to have loved someone the way armand has. and armand has loved him, for an entire lifetime, watching him grow and fail and change and begin that death march and still he waits until there’s no other choice, and he’d rather do a thing that makes him sick, that he swore he would never do, and yes it’s selfish in a way because it’s armand who can’t bear to lose him. but it’s also devastatingly poetic because young daniel didn’t deserve to have life taken from him but old daniel has EARNED the right to die with dignity. and armand SHOULD be the one to give it to him because loving daniel meant taking their shared memories, loving daniel meant watching him from the shadows, loving daniel has always meant letting him go. except now. except now. loving daniel means letting him Be.

thinking about the end of the 2 weeks. the last morning. the absolute reluctance to get out of bed. ilya zipping up his packed bag. the last time together making them run late. the kiss before they’re out the door. the one in the driveway. the last one in the car before they get to the airport. holding hands throughout the drive. the curt heartbreaking goodbyes because they can’t do anything else. because they already had to leave that all behind in the private safety of shane’s home. knowing they’re going forward but it’ll still be weeks, months before they’re back together again. the last look before ilya has to turn away and leave. shane sitting in the car watching ilya walk away. ilya walking into a crowded airport with the sting of it in his eyes. they saved my life not putting any of that on my screen id be suicidal

Honestly? Honestly the idea of Ilya Rozanov sitting himself down at twelve years old and saying I have GOT to get out of this country. It killed my mother. It's going to kill me. And then growing up a little bit and realizing some Things about himself and saying I have GOT to get out of this country. I have tried and tried and for some reason people keep Knowing What I Am. Ilya, young bisexual man with an apparently pretty clocky affect to his speaking voice. A strong young man with a natural and lovely flamboyance in him, a sweetness he tries to smother and the ability to play hockey like it was bestowed upon him by GOD. I've GOT to get out of here, he thinks to himself. And then he leaves (but not really) does some more growing up and he falls in love only he can't let himself be in love because the lead weight of this country is still tied to him and he thinks I have GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. Then his father dies and the man he loves says "Come with me" and Ilya says I am NEVER going back!! I will wear my mother's cross and I will think of her every day and she will forgive me for never visiting her grave because her beautiful boy got OUT. I will go to a place where I am loved by a man A MAN who I love more than I ever thought I was allowed. Who holds my face and my hands and my heart. I will find a home for myself in his arms. I will never go fucking back.