I'm so glad you are writing for the pitt! Your work is amazing ❤️
May I request trinity santos doesn't want to label what relationship she has with R. So r takes a step back since she was basically doing girlfriend duties maybe flirts around with baran (santos knows r had a crush on baran when she joined) maybe with a happy ending? Thank you .
❥・summary; no strings attached. that's what trinity said, anyways. reader gets tired of being expected to behave like a girlfriend without the label, though, and starts trying to provoke trinity.
❥・tags/warnings; nurse!reader, sweetheart!reader, fwb to lovers, anxious!trinity, jealousy, flirting with baran?, except reader isn't actually into baran, petty!reader, angst, fluff, happy ending.
❥・wc; 4.2k
thank you sm for being my first pitt request! i appreciate your kind words 🖤
a free spirit- that’s how trinity has always described herself.
from your first day at pittsburgh trauma medical center as a meek, unseasoned student nurse, you’ve been taken with her. trinity was in a similar position, being a mere intern in a room of doctors with years of experience and novels worth of stories under their belt. she didn’t come to you seeking solace. she didn’t come to anyone seeking solace; rather the pretty student with the piercing eyes intrigued you, and you began to ride on her coattails.
at first, trinity paid you no mind. she waved you off and hoped that you might catch the hint. you never did, though, and how glad you are.
beyond the tough exterior, you found a woman who was deeply hurting. you were paired together with various difficult cases, and discovered that your quick thinking and her thorough analysis worked together perfectly. others began to see it as well, and before long, the two of you became something of a dynamic duo. she started to smile at you from across triage, to which you smiled back and eagerly waved, then started to linger after difficult shifts and respond to the small talk you struck up with her.
“do you live around here?” you asked.
“yeah, about twenty minutes down the road,” she hummed, kicking one leg against the wall. so beautiful, despite the tragedy you’ve both had to witness that day. “you?”
“uhh.. not far. i can usually walk here.”
she snorted, shook her head. “must be nice.”
“eh, sometimes i think it’d be nice to live further away. i feel like i can never escape this place.”
trinity looked to you- truly looked to you, and your heart skipped a beat. the corner of her mouth tugged up in a lazy smirk as she inched closer, a friendly gesture. to you, it was anything but.
you may not have been able to name what you felt at the time, but this was the first time you thought you might consider trinity more than just a colleague. more than just a friend, even. trinity, though, ever aloof with walls built a mile high, has always been difficult to read.
“you’re preachin’ to the choir,” she sighed, and you chuckled. “you know how your phone listens to what you say? i keep getting ads for this place, talking about top-of-the-line care. i swear, it’s a bad omen. it always shows up when i’m having a good day, too.”
over time, you started being invited to the woman’s apartment, just for movie nights where the two of you would put on the trashiest, lowest-budget horror movie you could find, cheap takeout, and laugh to the point of tears. that evolved to drunk nights doing karaoke at dive bars, sometimes the gay bar if trinity was feeling frisky- scream-singing 2000s ballads while holding hands and growing too close to explain away with friendship.
eventual flirting ensued. winks thrown over trinity’s shoulder as she passed off radiology results, you brushing her hand for a little longer than necessary. you leaning over the desk as she charts, offering little remarks like, “your hair looks so pretty, trin. why don’t you wear it like that more often?”
you’re the only person she’ll let give her nicknames without ripping their head off. she wouldn’t dare admit it out loud, but she truly does have a soft spot for you.
you fell into an almost romantic dynamic, with you cooking for trinity when she was too tired to do so herself. she would take both of your clothes to the dry cleaner’s, while you comforted her late at night when she expressed insecurity about her abilities as a doctor. you may not know it, but you’ve been the woman’s saving grace throughout the challenges dr. langdon put her through.
it got to a point that colleagues started to catch on, with dana jokingly saying to “go help your girlfriend present a case” and samira throwing knowing smirks over her shoulder. you two were going through the motions of a genuine romantic relationship, minus the label- and after a while, it grew grating. it near drove you insane.
once you were forced to confront your feelings after a drunken kiss at the bar, messy and backed by exhaustion, the two of you had a conversation. surrounded by empty celsius cans and the wafting smell of her dragon’s-blood incense, you sat on her bed.
“i.. what is this,” you gesture, pointing between the two of you. “thing we have going on?”
“we’re friends,” she shrugged.
“we kissed.”
“we were drunk.”
“we kissed.”
trinity sighs, looking forward for just a minute, her shoulders sagging. her hair is down and messy, her lips pulled into a little frown. “look. i.. yeah, i like you, and i know that you like me, too. but it’d just be too messy to make this official. we work together, for fuck’s sake, and i don’t really do commitment.”
so simply said, yet the statement hit you like a bag of bricks. after all of the moments you’ve had together, the secrets you’ve shared, the fact that trinity seldom lets anybody get this close to her- and she still won’t consider commitment?
the fact that she likes you more than a friend should is obvious, especially in the way she told you so on one of your drunken escapades.
you feel that you’ve made your feelings abundantly clear, and trinity is far from oblivious.
“do you not commit to anyone, or just me?”
this makes her huff and run her hand through her hair, then start rubbing her forehead that way she so often does when under stress. “don’t do this. it isn’t you, i just can’t tie myself down to anyone or anything. fuck, i don’t even know where i’m gonna go once my residency’s over. we have something good going on right now, why can’t things stay the way they are?”
you bristle, you can feel anger rising in your throat like bile. lashing out at trinity is beyond you, but the fact this seems to be so insignificant to her?
“because i’m basically your girlfriend without being your girlfriend,” trinity scoffs, and you frown. “don’t give me that. you know it’s true. i’m giving you rides, helping you with patients, playing housekeeper, holding you late at night when you’re too upset to fucking speak, and you’re telling me you can’t commit to me? i’m sorry, i call bullshit.”
trinity’s never heard you like this, with you always being the kinder and more tender person. for the first time in your months-long friendship, you’ve rendered her speechless. her gaze is downcast, her shoulders now sagging as she swallows. it’s a long while before she can mutter a response.
“i get what you’re saying, i do,” hope surges in you, just for a second before it’s crushed once again. “i can’t, though. i’m sorry.”
her word is final, and now it’s your turn to be at a loss for words.
truly, what is there to say? you’ve already laid out all of your feelings, only for the woman to stick to her word. you can’t say you expected any less. if there is any word to describe trinity, it’s stubborn.
so you start to pull back. you go back to only making small-talk with her and working with her on complex cases, citing that it’s best for you to work toward your goal of becoming a practitioner. every pointed frown tells you that trinity isn’t happy about this new arrangement, yet you can’t bring yourself to feel very sympathetic.
every night that goes by without her calling, with her only inviting you out to drink and trying to act like nothing happened, reminds you of that.
“i have plans with my family, i can’t,” you sigh, and trinity’s brows furrow. your shift was supposed to be over at seven, but with an overflow of patients from various memorial day accidents, you’ve been a bit swamped. it’s now nearing ten.
“this late?”
“yeah. they’ve been waiting, don’t wanna keep them any longer.”
she shakes her head, curling her fist beside her. it’s a bullshit excuse, and you both know it, but she can’t bring herself to argue. not when you’re looking at her so sweetly, and when she knows just how much she’s hurt you.
“alright,” she grits out, shutting down the desktop. her charting for the night is finally done. “have fun.”
it’s a neverending dance, a continuous push-and-pull cycle. trinity is so clearly trying to get you back in the same way she once had you, and you know her better than to think it’s her playing tricks. she truly does want that connection.
and she’s afraid.
that’s her biggest fault, in many aspects of life.
you’re still kind to her, still smile and wave at her across the ED. when asked by princess what’s happened- seeing as it’s clear to anyone with eyes that there’s a strain on your relationship- you just shrug and say, “nothing important.”
trinity seemed shaken by the gossip between princess and perlah that day.
you weren’t planning on doing anything about this, other than reverting to a strictly professional relationship. although you can’t put the brakes on how you feel toward trinity, you can put yourself first and keep your sanity. for the most part.
a few weeks go by before trinity starts her second residence year, with your nurse certification rapidly approaching, while the ED is in a state of increasing chaos. everybody has been on edge, as if the entire hospital is holding its breath- before new plans are rolled out, and everyone is promised a steadier future.
then you see a pretty new attending introduced to the pitt- someone you’re not exactly interested in, but somebody you know has an interesting dynamic with trinity, and something stirs within you.
“hello,” you hum, trailing behind the woman- dr. al-hashimi, you’ve observed. it’s your first day working with her as compared to trinity’s week. “dr. al-hashimi, right?”
she turns around, eyes wide- you must have startled her. nonetheless, she gives you a polite smile. “that’s right. have we met? surely, i would’ve introduced myself.”
up close, she’s even prettier. smooth skin, healthy curls, big doe-like eyes, an easygoing demeanor. she doesn’t hold a candle to trinity’s beauty, in your mind, but you could take advantage of the situation- make trinity believe she has competition.
“no worries,” you smile, telling her your name as she offers a handshake. “i’ve been out for a few days, there’s a lot of people to meet around here.”
“i’m starting to get that.”
you chuckle, and baran looks back for a second at the queue screen. “have you begun any cases yet?”
“yes, i have a woman in south twelve. second-degree burn on the lower leg, and a 12-year-old with a laceration to the forehead in central two. both are stable. i was gonna pick up another, but..” you sigh, gesturing vaguely to the rooms. all wings are full.
she nods, eyes flitting around before landing on trauma one. “they might need help in there,” she offers. “why don’t you go check?”
with a smile, you turn on your heel.
“only because you asked so nicely.”
baran huffs and shakes her head before you’re finally off to the trauma room, asking robby and garcia where they need help. despite your personal troubles, you’ve always been quite good at focusing solely on a case. you wouldn’t be a particularly good nurse otherwise, would you.
somewhere, though, while trinity’s had a second to sit down and breathe, she saw you making baran’s acquaintance. saw you shake hands with the doctor, brush the back of her knuckles with your thumb like you usually would with her. she felt her palms grow damp and something surge in her chest, something she doesn’t want to put a name to.
nonetheless, she feels it, and she tries to brush it off.
that’s much easier said than done as you keep the relationship between you and trinity professional. she still follows all of your social media accounts, still sees you living your life and having fun- but is kept at an arm’s length at work. and she knows that she put herself in this position.
it’s hard, though, when she’s approaching you for help with a difficult patient and your friend overhears you telling baran, “i like that color on you,” pointing vaguely to the white-gold hoops in her ears. “kate spade must’ve had you in mind when designing this.”
to which baran scoffs, the slightest blush creeping up her neck onto her cheeks, and shakes her head. “i guess i’ll have to wear it more often, then. that’s very kind of you.”
and although you and trinity aren’t anything other than friends, trinity being the one who drew those lines, she’s furious at this.
just when she was about to approach you, she curses under her breath and turns around to go find emma. churchmouse, as she calls her. at least emma doesn’t make her question her sanity.
at first, trinity might’ve thought it was a few isolated incidents. rapidly, it’s becoming clear that this is a thing developing between you and the new attending. she sees you brush past her and place your hand on her lower back when faxing records, she hears you laugh at jokes that in her opinion aren’t even that funny. while trinity may have thought baran was intriguing, you’re seeming to form an actual bond with her, something akin to what you and her once had.
she can’t cope with that.
a week after this has begun, trinity finds you in the locker room, gathering your things while singing along with whatever’s blasting through your headphones. she doesn’t try to approach you slowly or gently, just clasps your shoulder and huffs as she tries to turn you around.
“what the hell, trin?”
you take out one earbud and frown, greeted by trinity’s scowling face, her crossing her arms over her chest.
“what is going on with al-hashimi?”
you sigh, rolling your eyes as you turn to fully face her. while this is irritating, internally, you’re rejoicing that your efforts have finally paid off and are having their desired affect.
“we’re coworkers?”
“no shit,” she mutters. “i mean you making heart-eyes at her and being all.. touchy with her. is there something going on between you two?”
“like what?”
“you know what.”
shutting your locker door, you huff as you lean against it and tilt your head. being petty is one thing, especially since trinity knows you to be PTMC’s sweetheart, but truly arguing with her is another. more than relief, you feel heartbroken.
“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” your voice cracks as you try to push past her, and the woman swiftly steps in your way.
“you’re flirting with her,” she grits out. “like you were flirting with me. and now you’re barely talking to me, you keep canceling our plans, you won’t answer my calls, you’re acting like i don’t fucking exist. i thought we had something going on.”
“we did,” you murmur, the abrasive front falling down. more than anything, more than any of your anger toward trinity, you just feel hurt.
despite everything, you still do feel for her- you wish that you could be with her, officially, that she’d take a chance. that she would decide you were worth the risk, that she could let somebody see beyond the front she puts on.
“so what happened?” she raises an eyebrow.
“we’re not together, trinity. you said it yourself.”
the words come out in a haughty, injured tone that neither of you recognize. her mouth opens, then closes, and she presses her lips into a thin line. you’re right, and she knows it, and she hates that fact. the situation you’ve found yourself in is her fault, yet she doesn’t want to see the girl she feels such affection for throwing herself at someone else.
alas, you’re an adult, and she doesn’t have any claim over you.
she doesn’t have any words, despite all of the things she wishes she could scream at you- how badly she wants to be with you, how she can’t stand to see you cozying up to the new attending. if she wasn’t so fucking afraid of getting burnt, she’d jump into the fire without second thought.
you’re more than worth that risk.
still, she doesn’t say anything as you push past her, swallowing back tears once the door clicks shut behind you.
if trinity knew any better, she’d give it up and let you do what you wanted.
that’s never been in her nature, though.
today’s a relatively slow day- in the way that all of the chairs in the waiting room are filled, but there’s nobody having to stand up. the average wait time has gone down from six hours to five. typical.
as you punch in, dark circles clinging to your eyes and your work ID unknowingly clipped on backward, trinity’s already trailing behind you. she crosses her arms as you turn back, and you cock your head. “is something wrong?”
“no,” she shrugs. “just clocking in.”
you know her better than that, something’s undoubtedly on her mind. but you’ve also gone beyond the point of going out of her way for her, seeing as she’s stopped going the extra mile for you, as well. as you start to walk away, though, you hear the woman clear her throat and cough out your name, making you stop in your tracks.
“are you doing anything after work?”
you furrow your brows and try not to frown. you know where this is going. “..not that i’m aware of, no.”
she sucks a deep breath in, looking down, retracting into herself. “clear your schedule. come by mine. i wanna talk.”
immediately, your instinct is to shut her down. you’ve already been hurt by her, you have enough self-respect to not put yourself in that position.
the pull you feel toward her, though, is unmistakable, even after all this time. it’s been near three months since the last time you went to her apartment, that fateful night that’s weighed heavy on your mind since.
despite everything, you want her. you want trinity to be happy, ideally with you.
and it hurts you, seeing her so beside herself.
the urgency in her voice catches you off guard, and you pause for a second before giving her a slow nod. “okay.”
she lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, her jaw unclenching and shoulders relaxing. the both of you part ways as you’re called for the typical pre-shift meeting, before the chaos of the day can ensue.
the rest of your work day, you’re a bit sidetracked with all of the thoughts racing through your head. you’re a damn good nurse, one that’s on track to finish her education early and be thrust into the so-called “real world” of being a practitioner. you haven’t been totally in your head, but trinity’s words echo in your mind, clinging to you like a parasite.
you’re not sure what to expect, and that’s what frightens you the most. who’s to say she won’t disappoint you all over again?
still, you’ll see it through, just this once.
sticking an IV into another patient, telling them to squeeze your hand and letting them know a doctor will see them shortly, you catch trinity’s gaze lingering you. she’s biting the skin on her lower lip anxiously, picking at her cuticles, and you turn away to avoid the reality of tonight.
it may have been the longest ten hours of your life.
after clocking out- on time, surprisingly- you drove back to your apartment to quickly wash off the stench of antiseptics and the lingering bodily fluids you’ve had to clean up. you feel a sort of spiritual cleansing as the water washes over you, and a sanctuary in changing into soft clothes after a day of constricting scrubs.
trinity hasn’t texted you, and you’re second-guessing this. you really shouldn’t be doing this. stupid, stupid feelings.
you slide on your shoes before driving to trinity’s, not bothering to queue up a playlist. you need silence, otherwise you’ll zone out on the road.
raising your fist to rap against the door, you’re barely on her doorstep when it swings open. your eyes go wide as she steps aside with a quickness you haven’t seen from her before.
“hello to you too,” you murmur.
“just get inside.”
you hum to yourself, looking around at the dark living room, not much different from how you remember it. a little messier.
“where’s dennis?”
“on the farm,” trinity sighs. chocolate-brown locks fall over her bare shoulders, clad in a black tank and sweatpants that have a million stains and holes in them. for some reason, she refuses to let go of them. “probably screwing amy. just us tonight. come with me.”
she doesn’t give you much choice, you suppose. the woman leads you to her bedroom wordlessly, a place that’s come to carry so many beautifully devastating memories- and you sigh. as you sit down on the edge of the bed, trinity opens up her closet and grabs something you can’t quite make out before dropping it into your arms.
a bouquet.
more than that, one that looks hand-arranged. your birth flower, along with baby’s breath and morning glories. it’s stunning, wrapped in a thick shimmering gold ribbon, something that trinity clearly put a lot of time and thought into.
she joins you on the edge of the bed, tentatively reaching for one of your hands. almost as if she’s afraid.
you’ve never known her to be.. docile. even when faced with the most intimidating cases and the most violent of patients, she keeps a brave face.
“i really am sorry for all the shit i said,” she breathes out. “all that time ago. i know it was shitty of me, and believe me, i’ve spent so many nights beating myself up for it. like, you wouldn’t believe it.”
she lets out a dry laugh, while you just frown and your heart lurches before she continues.
“i’ve known i wanted to be with you for a long time. but i’ve been afraid, and i think you’re way too good for me. i’d ruin you, i’d make your life harder. i think i really realized once i saw you flirting with al-hashimi, and i knew how real this was. you aren’t mine, but god, i want you to be. is that crazy to say?”
you pause, finally lifting your gaze to look at the woman, shaking your head slowly.
insecurity isn’t something that’s foreign to either of you. this is the first time she’s openly admitting to it, though.
“i let you get away. i think that’s one of the dumbest things i’ve ever done. i want you so fucking bad, and i think i just need to get over it. because you’ve given me fucking everything, and you deserve so much more.”
“i don’t need much,” you say, and her face softens. “just you.”
“but i’ll be more. you deserve that much. so.. i know neither of us are working tomorrow, and i booked this expensive restaurant by the water, even bought a nice outfit for it. got your favorite snacks for the apartment, too, if you wanted to check- i’ve been listening to your favorite songs, wracking my fucking brain.. it’s not enough, i know. tell me to stop, and i swear, i will.”
she’s out of breath at this point. finally, you take her hand, giving her a steady and reassuring squeeze.
“i’ll do better. you have no reason to believe me, but i really hope you will.”
“i do,” you murmur.
not because you’re naive, but you’ve seen trinity when she’s determined to make something work- a friendship, a nightmare charting situation. once she sets her mind to something, she’s going to follow through with it, even if the odds are stacked against her.
she lets herself smile, a small smile that sets off butterflies in your stomach.
“so you’ll be there tomorrow?”
“mhm.”
she almost doesn’t believe what she’s hearing. trinity almost fully expected you to shut her down, knowing just how shitty she’s been.
you, with your kind heart and understanding nature, have her utterly entranced. all she can think to do is gradually lean closer to you, with you leaning in as well, closing the distance before your lips brush hers. she places a calloused hand on the back of your neck, brushing the hairs there, her lips moving in a steady rhythm against yours.
you let the bouquet drop onto the mattress.
this is different from your late-night kisses, muddled with alcohol and uncertainty. this feels romantic. real.
“i’ve wanted this for so long,” she whispers against you.
“me too,” you admit, before trinity melts back into you and your arms wind around her waist. finally, finally, you can open your heart to her and trust that she’ll take good care of it.
you fit together so naturally, like two puzzle pieces, and you don’t think you’ve felt bliss like this in your life.
perlah and princess will have a lot to talk about when you go back to work, that’s for certain.
