Protecting Them

leuthros: she realizes her mistake from the moment recognition shines in his eyes. she hadn’t even had the chance to explain ——how could she have? clary had arrived in idris and barely made it back to amatis’ house alive, then she’d been  unconscious, then luke had been gone and she was sneaking out of the window to find jace. and she’d found him, alright, but they had apparently moved beyond that topic — both to her frustration and relief — and onto ragnor and she was racking her brain to try and remember how much jace had told the rest of them about her plan.

there’s no point in keeping the secret now, she figures, and maybe alec knows where ragnor is, maybe he’d be willing to help. fat chance, she thinks, but it’s obviously too late to evade the topic. and then he’s all but dismissing her before she has a chance to answer and clary scrambles up to stand in his way as if to prevent him from walking away from her.

❛  alec, he knows how to help my mom. madeleine told me it had to be me. ❜    there’s a tinge of guilt that rushes over her at the thought of madeleine. magnus had said she was the one person who hadn’t made it through the portal when they’d all hurried through to come here and clary can’t help but wonder if this is her fault, too. shaking her head, she refocuses on alec.     ❛  that’s why i had to come, that’s what jace didn’t understand.  ❜     and with a sigh, and a hopeful look, she shrugs.    ❛  i don’t suppose you might know where i could find him ?   ❜

He wonders if the drama in her life has always been this present and annoying or if this is a recent development. Simon would know, if Alec cared to ask, and if he wasn’t currently locked up in jail. “Because Ragnor would know the difference between you and any other shadowhunter?” The idea seems a bit far-fetched to him. There’s three other people who could handle the task and not be dead weight and oil to the fuming flame that has become Alec’s parabatai wherever the little girl is concerned. 

leuthros:           ouch. she’d known from very early on in their acquaintance that alec would probably rather smack her than speak to her ——it wasn’t as though he’d ever made his dislike a secret. but clary hadn’t expected his words to feel as though he’d actually reached out and done it. 

physically recoiling from the mention of her own plans with simon, clary takes a step back as if trying to find her footing again, shaking her head.   ❛  what —— no ?   ❜   but there’s no use lying about it. taking her mind off of jace had been exactly what she’d been doing with simon. using him. and simon had known it, too. so maybe she’s earned alec’s ire, and maybe she deserves to be miserable. it was certainly beginning to feel that way. but even still, even as alec’s frustration with her bleeds into his words and expression, she can’t stop herself from feeling a little bit of hope from this news. if jace had been kissing aline just to rid his thoughts of clary—— 

                  ——but then, it doesn’t matter anyway, because he’s still her brother. 

          as if snapping out of some trance, she looks back up at alec, her jaw set tight as her words flow through gritted teeth before clary can stop them.  ❛  i wasn’t raised like you, and your family, alec  ——all i have are mundane eyes. and i’m really sorry that they’re such an inconvenience for everyone but i wasn’t about to sit around and hope someone would manage to find a way to wake my mom when the only one ragnor said he would see was me.   ❜     by the time she’s done speaking, her voice has raised loud enough that anyone passing by might overhear, and — without noticing — she’s managed to plant herself uncomfortably close to him. with more than a little embarrassment, clary steps back again, muttering something not unlike sorry under her breath. but she’s not, not really. because she couldn’t have trusted anyone else to save her mother, no matter how much they doubt her capabilities, no matter how mundane she might be ——it had to be clary.

Hands slide into pockets with thumbs just peaking out. Shoulders rise and conceal his neck with a shrug. “I don’t care. You’ve been hanging with us and you’ve been around for enough fights. Existing only in your world gets you killed in ours.” Pandemonium was clear evidence of that. But maybe those raised mundane have short memories, too. They do walk about a lot like goldfish, swimming in a bowl, not really with any purpose just constant wandering.

Alec adjusts his footing and a hand rises out of his pocket. Fingers loosely point at Clary’s direction, “Wait... Ragnor?” he questions, brows furrowing. He’s heard that before, well overheard it. “Why would Ragnor only see you?” He vaguely remembers hearing grumpy green warlock in association with his name, but the link with Clary escapes him. His head looks up to the sky. “Are you connected to every single warlock in the world?” His tone is a mixed cocktail of a sigh and a groan, both equaling out to pure annoyance.

poor boy… one doesn’t need to hold a cat to attract cat hair. carry a lint roller

leuthros:           she hadn’t come to alec because she’d imagined he’d have some expert advice about how to stop loving your sibling. in truth, she hadn’t come to alec on purpose at all. the sight of jace kissing aline had twisted something painfully in her chest that she couldn’t name ——didn’t want to name, because it didn’t matter. but when she’d seen him — the eldest of the lightwoods — clary hadn’t been able to help the question that had come tumbling out of her mouth before she’d even had a chance to think. because maybe no one could give her any kind of guidance on what she’s going through, but at least alec — no matter how much he’d tried to fight it — knew what it was like to be hopelessly in love with jace. 

     ❛    right.  ——sorry.   ❜     it’s a mumbled, half-hearted apology. as if her presuming alec would have any interest in what she’s going through was ridiculous. and maybe it was. it’s not as though the two of them had ever really gotten along in any meaningful way. after all, the only thing they really had in common was jace. 

          and then, her eyes snap up to study alec’s face as he mentions jace’s own torment, and she falters. jace is hurting too. not that she hadn’t already guessed, already assumed as much. but seeing him attached to aline by the mouth had given her pause. was it awful that clary felt some kind of sick satisfaction, knowing he wasn’t unaffected by their situation? yes. as it turns out, clary fray was a terrible sister, and somehow this made her feel even more depressed ——if such a thing was even possible.    ❛   what do you mean ?  how is he handling it ?   ❜

Fingers press on the tip of the bridge of his nose, sighing. “He thinks he’s some monster.” It seemed obvious to him. Jace never said the words to him specifically, not that the two have ever had a true conversation about the big reveal. But he sees it in the exhaustion under his eyes, a rune can give you energy but it is not a replacement for sleep. “He was kissing Aline to stop thinking of you, stop thinking of himself as this monster. That should be clear, but you’re both too wrapped up in your own drama to get what’s going on here.”

Angel, the Institute would be a much better place than stuck in the Penhallow’s home. It was easier to be barely present for their drama than to be the one consulted in the middle from the new girl.

listen i put it under a cut, you’re the one that clicked the read more ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The reason in Lost Souls that the thought ever popped up in his brain to do such a thing was not out of his jealousy that Magnus had been with other people. His talks with Camille are always about Magnus. She knows more about Magnus than he does, and since his boyfriend won’t talk to him openly the way he’s been trying himself (there aren’t many times in Alec’s life where he’s been able to be openly honest in the intimate way that a relationship requires) he might as well go to the person Magnus has been with the longest. Conveniently, it’s the only ex Alec has confirmation of. The meetings Camille and Alec have aren’t simply about what Alec needs to do to rid Magnus of his immortality (having discussed Alec’s options for himself too bc it’s not like Camille wants Magnus dead).

@leuthros​ it’s not the same, he says, and clary knows — logically — that he’s right. but the other part of her, the one that feels like her entire world is being torn apart every time she sees jace, that part wants to scream that it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter what specific facts are drawing the line in the sand, the line still exists.

but despite the thoughtless, tactless way she’d blurted the question at alec, and despite the fact that he certainly doesn’t owe her any sort of answers, it seems as though he’s at least trying. the trouble is —— alec doesn’t get it. he doesn’t understand that the saying is wrong. it isn’t better to have loved and lost. it isn’t better to have had someone, loved him, and then learned you couldn’t have him anymore. that is far worse than it never happening at all, she thinks, and somehow slumps down even further.  

❛   i know. i know it’s different.   ❜   not better, but different. those words die on her lips, however, because clary doesn’t think he’d appreciate them. a groan of frustration comes out instead, and she drops her head into her hands.   ❛   what is wrong with me ?   ❜

The smirk on his face comes with ill-timing. What is wrong with me? she asks. She wasn’t raised with Jace, finding it difficult to accept him as her biological brother holds some logic to it. Even if it is highly frowned upon. He was the one who spent years asking himself the same question. Boys aren’t supposed to like other boys that way. There wasn’t anything saying it was wrong but it wasn’t talked about but he had seen his share of mundane propaganda on the topic.

“I don’t know. I don’t even think Izzy would know, so why you come to me baffles me. I can’t explain your relationship with Jace better than you can. I just know what I see and even that doesn’t give me anything to say. I have no experience with this type of thing.” The experience he has is extremely limited. Simon has more to testify to, but that would be a touchy subject even if they did know his current location. 

khruseos:Ever his trademark it was, the grin that’d flash and settle amidst his countenance so habitually; surely to Alec’s utmost annoyance by now, “Of course they were; what else would they be on?” Twisting, the stele that still sat lodged within his palm found temporary rotation between his fingers, eye only promptly glancing over his arm, still injured, “So, is my first punishment that I have to take care of this myself, no offer of brotherly super healing power to help rid me of the ache?” Okay, so he was severely exaggerating, “—You seemed concerned about it enough back at the club, unless that was your way at attempting to impress our little peeping mundie girl.”