Is Anyone There?

I can’t wait until I finish school and make enough money to gift my friends what they deserve

I’ve run away from this issue a lot. I never want to think about it or talk about it to anyone. I kinda just deal with it alone in silence, which clearly isn’t working. This topic was brought up with a friend the other night and it’s easier to talk to her about it because we have similar life experiences and she’s the only friend I have who’s personality is extremely similar to mine. Anyways. I literally cried and I never realized how much it was affecting me until that night. I’m aware that I run away from my problems (some of my friends know that too I’m sure Kristen knows that best HAHAH) but I never realized that I like run. Like I SPRINT AWAY.

I just want someone to talk to about this. I can pretend like it never happened. I can pretend none of it ever happened, but the fact is that it did. It’s always going to be in the back of my mind. I’m always going to get reminded about it someway and some how. I don’t know what to do.

I’m really glad to have reconnected with Mark. It’s really nice having a friend I can be myself around and just have talks like this. I haven’t had a friend like this in what feels like a very long time.... My life has felt so lonely lately. So routine. I really appreciate moments like this.

I am feeling overwhelmed. How do I find time to go out and spend about 2 hours doing laundry? I only have 2 pairs of scrubs and you have to wear scrubs, but you can’t wear scrubs that aren’t from the school. If I were to buy another pair it would cost me $35, which is fucking ridiculous. How did the cohort above us say they got everything done 5 weeks ahead? NAISNSKWNSKANS

Sometimes I just wanna get my priorities straight and say no to hanging out with friends. Hopefully they’ll understand.

I miss having someone to casually drink with. People think I drink to get fucked up, but I just like enjoying a cold beer with a meal. I like having a drink and having long deep talks. I’m not some raging alcoholic lol

I just want to be enough for someone

Kristen is that one friend I have in my life that I really look up to. I’ve been friends with her for so long and I’ve seen her grow into this amazing person. I really hope that I’ll be able to grow into such a kindhearted and good person like her. We don’t talk much, but she’ll always be one of my favorite people and someone that I will always do anything for. EVEN KILL. Jk don’t report this post.

The holidays with Aileen, Sho, Alex, and Andy makes me so happy. I gave Barry so much scratches and kisses, I’ve missed him so much ☹️ THE BESTEST BOI

It’s extremely rare to find people who vibe at the same frequency as you. Mark is one of those rare people for me and I feel so grateful for that.

I miss life before things got crazy busy. I miss being able to hang out with you. You were the only friend who was down and could keep up with me. Our lives are so boring and tame now LOL. I guess that’s bound to happen as we get older. I know the baby is keeping you busy and school is for me. I just wished we could go back every now and then ☹️

I’m stuck in this cycle and I know I need to break out of it, but I don’t know how. I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this.