10 years and I still have this feeling of sinking sometimes. I’m finally in a place where I can let my emotions flow freely without feeling as if I have to guard myself. I feel dread when I ask certain questions of you because I fear for the answer. I want to scream grow up, but am I in the right to ask that of you when I want an alternative version of you and not the real you.
I want the alternative version of myself that doesn’t feel the need to over compensate for my perceived shortcomings. I want the lie I tell myself over and over again that I am worthy of all of these blessings I’ve received. Yet, I still strive for more, feel inadequate and began the cycle of self loathing again.
Help me, help you, help me. This is my selfish request, if you’re okay then I can finally breathe.
