The Price of Vindication - Who Pays It?
I've been wanting to say this for a while now, but always stood down from doing so. However, recently, I've seen an increase in the number of instances of bullying of writers and artists from within the fandom, Reylo or otherwise, and it's become difficult to stay silent, to stay divorced from the situation.
We may all tell ourselves that it doesn't really matter what we say or do in an online forum, whether through our tumblr posts, or tweets or Instagram comments or Ao3 comments, or whatever your brand of poison is. After all, it's all virtual, words in the ether, no harm done, no-one getting hurt. Or maybe we just don't care if does end up impacting someone.
The reality is, there is no separation of self. Not for you, not for me, not for anyone who creates an avatar to front us on here. Every single one of our online presences carries the essence of who we are as people. Which means that everything on here is us - good, bad or ugly. And we are all flesh and blood and real. And absolutely capable of being hurt by, getting angered or saddened by, being triggered by solely virtual incidents.
This isn't a game of SIMs.
When we say or do something on here, intending malice, it has very real repercussions on a real, live person at the other end of that screen. And sometimes, those people are incapable of dealing with that malice, the toxic words, the poison that is thoughtlessly spewed at them.
It doesn't matter whether the diatribe was valid or warranted or 'he/she asked for it with what they said' or 'how dare they do that'. It doesn't matter.
Why? How can I even say that?!
It doesn't matter because none of us know what the other is going through. Or in what state of mind and body they are. Or what blew up in their real lives. It doesn't matter because you have no way of knowing whether your words, written to show your anger or dislike or self-righteousness, will be the final straw or not.
Are you willing to live with being vindicated if the outcome is someone being so affected by it they try to kill themselves? Is the price of being right worth paying? And who really pays it?
I'm sure you're thinking: Oh, come on, surely you exaggerate! All of this 'I have mental health issues' talk is a play for attention!
Do you know that for sure?
Would you stake your life on it?
Then, why are you willing to stake another's?
So what if someone is being what you think of as immoral, or an 'attention-whore', or likes the wrong ship, or is just plain wrong? So what?
Did you or a loved one lose blood over it? Are you losing money over it? Did someone get physically hurt? Did your house burn down? Did you lose your job because of it? Did they take your food away from you and leave you starving? Did they?
Then, why does it even matter?
Why are you, we, all of us so willing to jump on the first thing we can to attack the other person? Oh, the words needn't be aggressive for them to do the job. Why are we so willing to give in to the baser impulses that bay for another's blood? Why are we so willing to be our worst selves, online, as though it has no bearing on who we are?
Am pretty certain many of you are wondering why I even care, why I'm lecturing you, and boring tf out of you when all you want is something spicy on your timeline.
If the stronger of us don't stand up for those who can't, those who feel weak or attacked, then what even are we as a society? So-called friends who are so willing to drop likes and tweets and heart GIFs and 'OMG, ILYSM's all over social media, but are unable to stand for those who really need it, when they need us?
I have spent too much time on suicide watches, too much time talking people back from depressive states, from self-harm, from tanking in their very ability to function, to think that words have no impact.
It is more important to do right than to be right. It is more important to have empathy for a faceless stranger than to have the last word. It is more important to understand that everything you say and do has a consequence than to go 'I have a right to say this, idgaf what you think'.
It's highly possible this post is going to be scoffed at, ignored, passed on by. However, I do hope it makes atleast one person stop and think before firing off the next hateful message - what if someone you know is at the receiving end of something like this? What if one of your own was receiving anon hate? What if your friends or family were being hounded by poisonous posts, anon or otherwise? What if it was your skin in the game?
It costs nothing to do nothing. It hurts no-one to be kind. The price of vindication, on the other hand? It may be more than you're willing to pay.
turnnoffyourmind
theartofmadeline
areudirty
blakekathryn
stormborns
