Well one day this asshole who had been kind of tagging along with us asks her why she talks like that because it makes her sound dumb and I still remember her response word for word.

“In Russian I am so intelligent and clear. In English I am like [an] idiot”

They’re speaking your language because you don’t know theirs. That’s not something they should be made fun of, it’s something that should be commended because learning a language is hard fucking work.

The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate. Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs I’ve never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go.

Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn’t find anything wrong with it.

People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week.

It’s open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening. 

Regular customers included:

A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject

A little person named Kevin who told me “sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I’m feeling whimsical”

An actual group of Neo-Nazis

An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us)

Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time

A Scottish landscaper who told us we “couldn’t prove he doesn’t know Simon Pegg”

two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not