Impulses and venting

You claim that I haven't experienced any hardships. So why am I in therapy because of the abuse YOU put me through?

My mother says that sometimes she thinks I hate her. Sometimes it's true.

I wish you had learned to regulate your own emotions before you had children but I try my best to understand that you needed us.

I sleep in a bedroom that doesn't belong to me and a dirty couch that gives me swollen eyes. I wish I had a place to call my own but here I am going back and forth between other people's homes.

I wish I could feel emotions such as anger and jealousy without wanting to cut up my skin and end my life

I am an adult that feels like a child and yet I'm not safe enough to feel like a child.

How do you, a fully grown man, have the courage to tell an underage person that you "wish they were younger"? How fucking sick are you?

I trusted you. I was scared of you. I adored your attention. I feel sick when I think about you. You made me so happy. I wish you were dead.

There is so much shame in finding your own abuser attractive.

One time "How to Save a Life" by The Fray came on and it triggered me so I asked the staff to change the song. Some guy around my age said that it was a good song. I stayed quiet because I didn't want to explain that while it is a good song, my friend had just died by suicide.

People think I'm doing better because I haven't cut myself, but trust me, I think about it daily and I've tried but there were too many tears in my eyes to see what I was doing.

You ever have sex with your friend, admit to yourself that you're really into them, they break things off with you and date someone else</3

I haven't cut myself in so long, and while I am glad to not self-harm anymore, it's so frustrating to have these urges and not act on them due to fear.

Lately I've been forgetting to take my anti-psychotics. Forgetting to eat. Forgetting to clean. Forgetting to study. Forgetting to keep in contact with people.

I want the bad dreams to stop. Why must you touch me? Why must I dream of pedophiles?