☽༒Selena✽࿐

Cuz i almost lost this account. I just got back and was lucky to recover it🥰

Patiently, untill in our own time; it acts by fate.

A life that is half lived, turns a ghost— can't be sealed.

yjra? 💜

I don't know what's wrong with me really, I think I am in a complete mess with myself and that I can't find my way back again. Today, I met my old classmates/friends, we chatted for a while and then they bid their goodbyes later. during our time together they have shared their struggles and pressures that they are into from the course they have chosen. I can relate for a while but I think I envy them more, I mean I don't get to have that feeling anymore, the pressure that drives me to strive for more and to be more. I forgot what really is important, I became just like the rest of my classmates and constantly absorbed bad habits. I soon realized that they are serious and care about what they want to achieve and I envy them because of one reason. They could be the best in the field soon after graduation because of the intense training they are into, while since I no longer strive to be better and that things that I liked before don't interest me anymore, I think I won't have that same path as they have. I won't be successful if I will continue to be like this. I wonder if, in the future, I would remain the same. I wonder if in the future I won't be making the same mistakes and regrets that I did now, if I would grow as a better person, or if I could at least pretend to be better, where would I be? Could I even make a difference after these years? I wonder... if I won't move will I get into somewhere? Does "calling" work with me too? I am different in a good way? or I am just pretending all along that I am special. I can't see more. For these past weeks, I am constantly screwing my future with a bad attitude and stupid mindset. I'm feeding myself with toxic information and trying to be better at it. I realize don't read that much, paint that much, draw that much, write that much, and pray that much. I wish I could find my way back again just like what I always do. I also wish that I could find myself in a better place in the future, by then maybe I have changed and learned.

and yes, i am a human being loving a monster with lots of role