#1 rachel FFVI akgae

New and improved meet the artist, because I am now, miraculously, seventeen.

As always, I have a side blog which is exclusively my art: @archiveofskin

As per the title suggests, this post will be discussing suicidal ideation, suicide attempts, and depression.

Celes is...a character I see many people like because she has a pretty design, or she's badass, or endearing, which I completely get, she is very cool-- and while the iconic scene of her after Cid's death, ready to throw herself off the cliff edge absolutely is arguably the most talked about scene for her, apart from the opera-- Celes' behaviour leading up to her "leap of faith" isn't something I see brought up very often, despite the many instances that show that her suicidal ideation isn't anything new.

First Meetings:

Now, it is censored, but the first time we see Celes she's tied up and being berated and beaten by a couple of soldiers. We can conclude that she spoke out against The Empire and Kefka's plans to poison Doma, and now she's here and set to be executed.

It's never said why she goes against The Empire, apart from the dialogue showing that she's just very clearly against Kefka's plan. She's grown up there and has been surrounded by propaganda all her life, she led the raid on Maranda, she's a Magitek Knight, and a strong sword wielder.

With those points in mind, it makes me wonder if she chose to be captured and go through with the execution on purpose. You can easily assume that she's stronger than these two lower-level soldiers, she could use her magic despite being tied up, but instead she just chooses to fight back verbally and insult the soldiers. And since she's grown up surrounded by this system, you can also deduce that she would know what speaking up and being a traitor means.

Guilt and shame can be really prevalent symptoms and feelings that you experience with depression. Her knowing what happens to traitors and choosing to fight back anyway instead of fleeing, along with the guilt she must feel in general knowing what she's done during her time as a soldier of The Empire very much reads as "I'm going to die because I deserve it for what I've done." and "I don't have anything to lose." A way to "repent" for her sins, if you will.

Before The Returners, Celes had no one but Cid, and even then it's not explicitly clear if they were as close as they were then compared to the short moments in WoR. Being fed propaganda her entire life, only having The Empire as any sort of home, and now that she's trying to break out of that propaganda and indoctrination, it's apparent that she doesn't have anywhere to go. Death--to her--could not only be repentance for what she's done, but could also be the only other outcome because there's nothing else for her.

(Also, not sure if this is just a little gaming error or on purpose, but after Celes is seemingly knocked out, the guard who hits her leaves and the other one immediately falls asleep, Locke goes inside and Celes is WIDE awake and just staring dejectedly at the floor. Which also makes me wonder if she was truly just faking passing out to get through it faster.)

Her refusing Locke twice and telling him she thinks it's better she stays just drives home the point that yes, she knows she's going to be executed, and she intends to follow through with it. It's only after he insists and says you'll be fine that she goes with him. Maybe it's the idea that this isn't the end or the only outcome for her that finally makes her think: Okay, maybe I can do something more.

The Returners:

Upon meeting up with The Returners and Cyan finding out that was a General, he gets in her face and makes his intentions rather clear, and Celes just stares back at him. And then again, on their way to defend Narshe, he makes it clear that he doesn't trust her, and she doesn't fight back to tell him No, I'm good, I promise I'm on your side, but rather just acquieses and lets him make up his own mind.

Like, she knows that she's bad. She knows she's done awful things but she's trying and she knows what she looks like and what he sees and she understands but just look, look how I've changed, believe me, I am trying to be good, I'm trying to make up for all that I've done.

Magitek Research Facility and Her "Betrayal":

When Cid runs into her and the party at the facility, he has no idea who Locke, Edgar, and Sabin are, and Celes greets him normally(?), but has no idea how to explain anything about who she's with, which tells me Cid obviously just had no idea about anything Celes planned, so she didn't tell him.

After being accused of being a spy for The Empire and trying to deny it and the party get attacked, Celes goes and protects them from anymore harm, which includes essentially sacrificing herself as she's blown away with Kefka and the other soldiers with the force of her own magic.

Her parting words before she leaves sounds like a goodbye, and she is willingly using her magic to carry herself and the soldiers and Kefka out of there, she knows what Kefka is capable of, she knows there is the possibility that she could die doing this.

(Random note but this is making me realise her and Locke have very similar patterns of self sacrifice and martyrdom. They need to cut it out immediately. That's not something to bond over.)

Floating Continent:

At the Floating Continent with Gestahl and Kefka and with Locke and Edgar (or whoever it is in your party) incapacitated, we get Gestahl's mini speech about Celes being meant to rule the world with him and Kefka, her birthright because she was born to do this and be this.

Again, she's met with this enforcement, this reminder of what she's done all her life and what she should be doing because her abusers are telling her to. It's an awful reminder of what's implied when we first meet her: she is trapped here, in The Empire, and this is one of two options.

And then...she stabs Kefka.

With her friends unable to help at the moment, this yet again seems like a sacrifice in a way, especially right after her stating that she does not wish to have been born in the first place. Death is the second option and the only other outcome, but as long as she can protect her friends before she dies and do something to try and stop this, it's worth it.

World of Ruin:

On Solitary Island with just Celes and Cid, and her friends being presumed dead, we circle back around to the beginning with Cid being the only person she has. With the world in disarray and her closest friends lost, Celes is ultimately at her breaking point. She and Cid only have each other here, and once he dies she is completely alone.

Believing everyone she cares about is dead, she's once again back in that mindset of when she was getting ready to be executed, except this time she truly has nothing to lose and nowhere to go.

(One of my favourite details here, but also such an awful one is how Celes walks backwards towards the cliffs edge at first, as if she's scared to look. She turns toward the edge slowly too.)

When she comes to on the shore and the bird stands next to her, before she notices the bandana she gets angry and yells at it, sounding more like she's yelling at Cid.

The question of why he would do such a thing, why he would help her, why wouldn't he let her just die?

Of course, she then notices the bandana around the bird and realises Locke is alive. When she finds the note Cid had left her, I really love the wording about her finding her freedom.

(We all know he's talking about the raft, but I love thinking about it in a more figurative sense, especially because of all the bird symbolism and imagery around her on the island. Birds famously symbolize freedom and rebirth, and the dead bird on the cliff next to her along with the healed bird who sits by her on the shore when she wakes is just...so beautiful to me. I love it.)

Determined once again, imbued with the hope that this isn't the end, Celes sets out to go find her friends.

...Those are all the moments I noticed where her suicidal ideation was most apparent, but if I missed any let me know. They become hard to ignore once you see the pattern. Oh, my Celes </3 she is very dear to me...

Technology troubles.