carl

You were either a Magic Treehouse kid, a Goosebumps kid, an Animorphs kid, or a Babysitters Club kid.

Why choose? I was into Goosebumps AND Animorphs. Get you a babe who can do both ;)

They don't talk about this enough, but i recently managed to seduce the governor into letting me pass a bill so that every street light in the state is outfitted with a new type of lightbulb that gives off an imperceptible but profoundly disturbing supersonic tone that causes insomnia and nightmares. This makes it easier for people to engage in risky behaviors such as unprotected sex to cope with the increased psychological stress. And thus the birthrate has skyrocketed, but not too much, since it's offset with the new wave of strange and disturbing murders. But sure ok let's ignore the achievements of women in STEM.

wears all of these at once to convince people i’m god

You're listening to 102.5 COCK radio the station with the penisest tunes all day long