SeeCJGo

I am looking forward to reading future historical analysis of this particular epoch in America's history. I found that living through this experience was a crash course in empathy and striving to understand humans. What drives them? How can they do such terrible, things and believe such terrible things? It seems like no matter where you turn, there is someone doing something just horrendous to someone else for no reason other than hate. TPEH that was 45 just taught a master class in fueling the fires of hate to wield as a weapon.

America saw firsthand the consequences of ignoring the cancer of racism that has been at its core policies and culture since its inception.

I watched in horror, disgust, awe, rage, heartbreak, and gratitude at what TPEH did. (Also in stitches, the man truly is the world's dumbest criminal) And no, that was not a typo. I said "gratitude". Allow me to explain.

While I've seen the horror of what hatred can wreak in the last years, I've also seen a world that in no way could avoid the truth of racism because it was sitting its disgusting orange ass on it's highest seat and wreaking nasty havoc with every lie that leaked out of its mouth. It took this absolute abomination of a human preying on and exploiting humanity's worst impulses to gain power, to finally put America on trial for that age-old and ever ongoing sin of racism.

It has been tried and found wanting on the global stage and now it will forever be a country that allowed hatred and racism to rule it because it was too afraid to acknowledge that evil and allowed generation after generation to suffer for its callous profit.

And now, we FINALLY get to talk about actual racism out loud and people agree and support instead of dismissing it.

And the conversation around privilege has taken on proportions I could never have dreamed of.

Add to that, the knowledge that a world full of impressionable kids saw a world full of people fight the injustice of inequality and scream for fairness in the streets. Those kids, our next round of world decision makers, already have a better sense of truth and fairness from watching TPEH lie and exploit hate for years than they ever could or would learn in school or any book.

(Especially in the history books which will have to be rewritten going forward. Starting the beginning because you can't possibly tell the story of Donald J. Trump, without telling the story of America's racist roots. )

Now, if that's not a cautionary tale and a reason to be grateful at the same time. I don't know what is.

So it’s Monday morning and you wake up with your mind racing. You’re thinking about all the stuff you should have done on the weekend. Your mind is yammering away about all the stuff you have to do at home and work in the upcoming week. And then, because that’s not enough you’re also thinking about all kinds of situations that might happen which you want to prevent or prepare for just in case they occur.

All this before you even get out of bed and have your coffee. It’s enough to make you want to crawl back under the covers. But you can’t because if you do, your mind will just continue informing you of all the things that didn’t happen, have to happen, might happen.

It’s relentless. It’s overwhelming. It’s exhausting. It’s your normal. And it occurs all day, every day, without you even being fully aware that it’s happening.

This is your inner asshole. We all have one. We think it’s helpful but really, it’s just an asshole Monday morning armchair quarterback making us feel anxious, guilty and not good enough. And it never shuts up.

Let me tell you why this voice is really a jerk.

Let’s start with all the tasks it tells you that you “should have done”. Think about those. What absolutely terrible thing is currently occurring because you didn’t do them?

You didn’t get to the grocery store because you were lounging in your p.js bingewatching old Friends episodes on Netflix. Now you have to buy lunch which you “should do” to save money. Inconvenient? Yes. Terrible? Nope. Yet somehow your inner voice sees fit to berate you about it with the same level of shame and guilt usually reserved for Nazi war criminals hiding from justice for crimes against humanity.

Why? Because your inner voice is an asshole.

Need more proof? Let’s go.

Moving on the the things your inner voice is reminding you that you “have to” do.

Now I know what you’re going to say. “That inner voice is doing me a favour! It’s helping me remember all the things I might otherwise forget. It’s necessary!”

Bullshit!

Think about WHEN that inner voice is telling you this stuff. You’re having your morning coffee, having breakfast with your family, driving to work. And not enjoying any of it because all the while you’re thinking about the zillion things your inner voice is insisting you have to do to keep the world turning on its axis.

At the moments you’re consumed with these thoughts, there is virtually nothing you can or have to take action on. But instead of being present and enjoying where you are at that moment, your inner nag is creating anxiety by pummelling you to death with future “have to’s” which very quickly turn into the dreaded “mights”.

“I have to xxxxx or xxxxx might xxxxx and then I will have to xxxxx.”

And this is the asshole’s finest trick. Helpfully warning you of all the things that might happen, and helping you mentally prepare for the myriad of situations that you need to prepare for and prevent.

And again, you say, “But this is helpful! I need to plan and prepare! Forewarned is forearmed! By thinking about all the stuff that might happen, I can be ready for when it does.”

Bullshit!

First off, think about the things that you’ve been worried about in the past. (Yes. All that “preparing and preventing” is really just worrying about the future.)

But think about those things. How many of those situations that you spent so much of your time focusing on actually occurred the way you thought they would? Or at all?

I’m willing to wager the percentage is extremely low. Because the majority of the time, the stuff that our mind is frantically preparing for isn’t real. It’s based on unfounded fears that our inner asshole keeps bringing up to “help” us “avoid” future problems.

Funny thing is, it doesn’t help us avoid much. Because the unfounded stuff that we worry about usually doesn’t happen and the bad thing that it may be helpful to prepare for in advance is the crap that comes out of left field so we never see it coming anyway.

So really then, is the voice being helpful by making us focus on future events that may not happen? Or is it draining our resilience to handle future crises by misdirecting all our energy to the fake news of “mights“?

Think about it.

So the question is, how do we get this asshole to be quiet? 

A key is being aware that the voice there. We are used to letting our minds run on without question or real notice. We need to turn our critical attention to our inner assholes and stop accepting what they say blindly. 

When your inner voice starts beating you with “should haves”, “have to’s” and mights", stop, notice, tell it to shut the f**k up. Then focus on the moment you are in versus the past or the future.

 It’s not easy to do every time. It takes practice. This asshole has been bullying you for your whole life so you can’t make it disappear overnight. Don’t give up. Don’t get discouraged. And above all, be aware that your asshole will fight back with its own, deeply flawed logic. 

“You’ve been like this your whole life, you can’t change.” “You’re feeling anxious and guilty again. See! This doesn’t work.” And the asshole’s favourite refrain, “Talking back to the voice in your head is crazy. You’re nuts! I’m your logic. Stop fighting!” 

BULLSHIT!

Like all con artists, your inner asshole knows its bullshit won’t stand up to the light of scrutiny. So it will do everything in its power to convince you it’s legit, including attacking your innermost fears. 

Remember this. You are NOT your inner asshole. Your inner asshole is NOT you. That is a concoction of doubt and insecurity masquerading as logic and common sense and emotionally hijacking you at every opportunity. YOUR INNER ASSHOLE IS FULL OF SHIT. (Pun completely intended) 

Your energy and focus is a valuable (and often limited) commodity. If you find that you’re frequently feeling drained and overwhelmed, think about where you’re spending it. If you’re giving all of it to that asshole in your head, whose sole goal is to own it and rob you of the joy of the present, it’s time to take it back. 

Medication is not a cure for ADHD, but it puts us on an easier path because it allows us to focus. As you know, many people abuse adhd medication because of its strong effects. Now think about how for someone with adhd, that dose is corrective to get our brains to run at the same speed as yours. 

Now imagine spending your life thinking everyone else seems to know something about life that you don’t. How to stay on task, how to be organized. It’s like a magical gift everyone but you got. So you work your ass off to keep up. And you get anxiety and depression because you’re trying so hard to keep up and be better then anyone at what you are good at. And if you’re lucky, you can afford to pay to take care of the life stuff you find overwhelming. If you’re one of a far greater number and can’t, you find yourself slowly becoming overwhelmed with life and fighting desperately to keep up. And you’re drinking masses of caffeine to feel alert because if you don’t, one false move can topple this careful life you’ve built to compensate for feeling out of step forever. 

And then someone talks to you, and notices some stuff, and explains why you feel exactly how you feel and you do a lot of reading and talking and thinking. Imagine finding out there are people, a whole tribe of people who think like you on a spectrum and you realize after almost 4 decades of life that you literally do not think like other people and how could you know that? You don’t know how other people think. You realize you are not in fact, a lazy asshole, which is what you (and likely others) labelled you. You find out you are beautifully gifted and frustrated for the same reason. You find out that the coffee/energy drink/cola addiction you’ve nursed for years is in fact, self medicating to correct an invisible issue. 

And you read and you think and you work on yourself and then someone says, “Hey, taking this medication will help.” And you read and you think and you decide to take the medication. And it helps. Really helps. You achieve and plan and focus. (somewhat) And that is a win.