Section Chief Aaron Hotchner

Hotch/Reid moments.

Once they were in the familiarity of his neighborhood (though all of DC had become familiar to him with his trips on the train, buses and cabs by now), he finally sat straight in his seat again and gave a sideways glance towards Aaron to watch him as he drove.  Studying him as Aaron’s eyes were directed at the traffic they were going past, Spencer burrowed his brows in thought.  Nothing sour in his expression.  Just thoughtful.  How much did Aaron understand that he now needed him around?  That being gone those weeks and their schedules being shit before he left was taking a toll on him?  More than once, a comment was made on how he was brooding or moody.  And it took a conscious effort to make it stop.  Yeah, they might have chalked a lot of it up to Blake leaving but there was more on top of those reasons.

Was Spencer Reid pouting?

Maybe..

Probably..

Fine.  He was.  

Anyway.  No reason for that now.  They were together and that’s what mattered.  The car soon pulled into the parking space for his apartment that was only occupied by visiting company (which usually meant JJ or Garcia who stopped by or Aaron himself) since he’d left his own car back in Vegas years ago.  He’d kept telling himself he was going to bring it back but ever since the trip to Gideon’s cabin and the few short months he kept it after that?  Spencer just didn’t feel like driving anymore.  And he really didn’t need to.

Once the car was shut off, Spencer squeezed Aaron’s hand one more time before he let it go and unbuckled his seatbelt then grabbed his satchel.  Out of the car, he waited for Aaron to catch up, gave him one of those small, content smiles and took the lead to the door where he unlocked the entrance and then started up the three flights of stairs that lead to his apartment at the very top and to the right.  The keys rattled in his hand as he found the one for his apartment (Aaron could see his hands shake, he was just as anxious to be out of there as Aaron was only Spencer showed it more physically than Aaron did).  One lock, then another was undone until the door was swung open to a dimly lit with an amber glow in the sconces lining the deep forest green walls of his apartment.  His bag hit the floor with a thud, when Aaron was clear of the door, Spencer’s heel nudged it closed and he turned to face Aaron.  Not two seconds later, a set of slender arms were wrapped around Aaron’s broad shoulders and Spencer hugged him tight enough that he had to bury his head into Aaron’s neck to fit right.

Yeah, he missed him.

There he was.

The Spencer that had long ago found his way into Aaron's heart. Aaron cradled him gently and kissed the man's temple. "Hi." He rubbed Spencer's back, holding on as long as he needed to before stepped back and pushing his hands through Spencer's hair, holding his head between his hands and looking into his eyes, "I missed you too, you know." He leaned in and kissed him again, softer this time with meaning and depth before he pulled back and murmured softly, "I thought... before you left I thought that we'd lost this, that I'd lost you..." He shook his head as their eyes connected and he swallowed thickly, "I've lost too many people that I love. I'm not adding you to that list, Spencer. We will make this work."

As soon as they were outside, Spencer could feel the muscles in his arms and legs start to relax.  He took in a deep breath of the cool D.C. summer air and blew it out slow through a set of puckered lips.  Climbing up in the car, Spencer tucked his bag beneath his feet, thumbs his glasses up and went for his seatbelt but was stopped short by the feeling of Aaron’s hand sliding into his hair.  A short gasp came from his chest as he felt the tug against his scalp (was it terrible for him to say it hurt just as much as it felt so overwhelmingly amazing that his stomach did a flop flop and his heart practically pounded right out of his chest?) and his eyes squeezed shut only opening wide once he felt the pressure of Aaron’s mouth on his.

Spencer caught a glimpse of the side of Aaron’s jaw before his gaze lazily closed, his mouth working as quickly as he could to keep up with the kiss that was equal parts deep and possessive and made him want more the second it started.  They could officially sit there all night with Aaron doing that and Spencer would be just fine.

The reminder that they both needed to breath came in the form of Aaron breaking the kiss that Spencer whimpered in protest of losing.  He gulped down a breath like a drowning man and pressed his forehead against Aaron’s soon as the other man’s came in contact with his own.  A smile twisted onto Spencer’s wet mouth.  ”Okay.  You know my mom would like to see you again.  And it would have been much better with you there..  Next time, we plan it better.”  A shaky hand reached between them, blindly finding Aaron’s cheek and caressing down the stubble and hard line of his jaw before it cupped there softly and Spencer eased back.  His glasses were taken off his nose, set in the console of the car and he blinked a couple times to get his vision straight.

Aaron sighed as Spencer's hand brushed along his cheek, tracing his skin with the soft fingertips that Aaron had missed so much more than Spencer would ever know. His head turned, pressing a gentle kiss to Spencer's open palm and he looked back with steeled eyes, "Next time we plan it better and we take Jack. I think it's time for him to get to meet her too." Especially if I'm going to continue having you stay in my house and my life and eventually, God help me, become a permanent fixture... He chuckled and leaned back into his seat as the glasses came off and rested on the center console. Aaron smiled at the simple gesture and reached forward, taking Spencer's free hand in his and entwining their fingers. It felt so good to have him back and to have their connection re-established. He had genuinely felt like things were falling apart without this man in his life. Aaron wasn't the only one to find the irony in the fact that he'd spent 20 years married to a blonde woman who had bore him a son and that he had loved and grieved for openly; and now the only person who could complete him was someone who was the complete- literal- opposite of Haley.

"I did miss you."

"Actually, I could use something."  These photos could wait til later.  So could the caseload and whatever else he missed while he was in Vegas.  He wouldn’t have come in here right off bat had he had the slightest thought that Aaron was still up.  Calling this late if Jack was home?  Poor kid was woken up enough in the past with their job being the way it was and risking waking him up again wasn’t what Spencer wanted to do.  Getting out of here now that he knew Aaron was free?  That was something he definitely wanted to do.  "I could use a ride home?"  Keeping that eye contact in place, Spencer smiled and untangled his legs from one another using the heels of his sneakers to push him up and the chair back.

He was already going for his bag when he paused half-bent over as he rooted for the strap that’d fallen into the open bag.  ”I brought some things for Jack.  You can come in and get them?  Maybe I can show you some pictures?”  Or they could catch up, he could have Aaron to himself for a while.  See what was keeping him awake?  Not that he had much room to argue the no sleeping thing but that was a habit that Spencer was well known for.  Upright again, a balled up fist went into the pockets of his dark brown corduroys and he didn’t bother fixing the deep blue dress shirt that’d come half out of his belt (might not have ever really been in there to start with, not that he would have noticed) or the tie that was barely in a knot at his neck.  (Yeah, he really didn’t put much thought into the whole getting dressed thing tonight..oops.)

Aaron paused in his footsteps at the soft sounds of the younger man's voice breaking through his own thoughts. Air whooshed out of his lungs in a breath that he was sure almost knocked him to his knees in relief and he found his head dropping forward in a silent prayer of thanks that maybe, just fucking maybe, this wasn't over. That maybe he hadn't lost the one person he could connect with and understand without needing so many words. Even with his background as a former prosecutor, Aaron hated talking about feelings and emotions. He felt strongly, he was passionate and he needed someone who could understand all that without needing to constantly poke and prod and ask what was going on inside his mind. Spencer got that and, in many ways, Aaron felt like he did the same for Spencer. He turned back toward him as the younger man caught him and talked about having something for Jack at his place and that he could maybe show Aaron pictures from the trip. Aaron gave a slight nod and pulled his keys from his pocket.

He didn't give a shit about pictures or souvenirs.

He wanted his hands in Spencer's hair, and to feel him against him for the first time in months. He flashed him a slight smile then nodded at the elevators, "Pictures sound good." The open invitation for the final two days of Spencer's vacation hadn't slipped past him and Aaron made a mental note to call in the next day, and probably the day after that. He had some major catching up to do with the boy genius and that included everything from verbal communication, to physical forms that had been severely lacking from his life. He waited until they were in the elevator before he let his knuckles brush Spencer's in a silent promise to talk once they were out of the line of cameras and government technology. He led the younger man to his large SUV and climbed into the driver's side, waiting patiently until Spencer was in before he reached over, threaded his fingers through the younger's man hair and tugged his head towards his possessively.

Okay, so that analogy would work better if the cookie jar consisted of Coroner’s reports of several victims of the last case he worked on before he left.  Topped with photos of the crime scenes that could serve as one hell of a gruesome icing on said cookie.  Having been tapping away on the thick cardboard side of his coffee cup and skimming notes at the same time, Spencer’s hand had been twisted into a spidery shape hunched over top of one long, endless line of text that filled up an entire page without any line breaks (thanks to whoever in the small town that typed that up!) and twitched just like the corners of his mouth did before they formed a full smile.  His hand dropped down to rest on the paper and he shrugged.

Spencer went to work closing a couple reports before looking up at him again and warming Spencer from head to toe with the warmth that was being reflected there. "It was late, didn’t have much to do at home, thought I’d pass some time here..and.." Aaron smirked as the younger man rambled for a moment before getting his infamously confused face together and whispering as if the office around them was buzzing with agents. "Why are you up this late?  Shouldn’t you be at home?" Aaron licked his lips and dropped his head to stare at his well polished, shiny, black shoes, "Well... It was late, didn't have much to do at home..." He cast a slightly playful glance at Spencer before shrugging and looking around the office, "I couldn't sleep. Haven't been able to sleep for a while now. Jack's been staying at Jessica's a lot and I'm here."

Coffee in hand from some convenience store on the way from where the cab dropped him off and the building, Spencer let himself into the otherwise empty office.  Fingers from his opposite hand were twisted around the strap of his trademark brown leather satchel and he was wearing his glasses perched up high on the bridge of his nose.  Not caring to really get dressed (not that some would call him taking the effort much of a change anyway), the genius’ black Converse sneakers hitting the tile floor was the only sound to fill up the large, unoccupied room.  His usual disheveled state the norm had chin length hair bouncing off the black frames and getting caught in the tops more than he’d like.  Glaring up at the edge, he puckered his lips and blew them out of sight only to have them fall and have him promptly ignore them like he’d never noticed them in the first place.  Or made an attempt to chase them away.

The flight back from Vegas had only reached land less than two hours ago and he’d got home, tossed down his suitcase and listened to the clock ticking on the wall for about a minute or so and decided an empty apartment wasn’t where he wanted to be.  Everyone was, no doubt, asleep and bothering them at this hour was out of the question.  Least in his book.  A couple of plastic bags from various shops containing souvenirs he promised to bring back for Jack and Henry (and maybe a couple for himself) were sat down on his sofa and he plopped down on the arm of it staring out through the windows at the skyline past his apartment.

Tick, tick, tick.  The clock kept going, getting impossibly louder as the second hand rounded the bend for another turn.  Two more and Spencer was at his computer.  With a flick of his wrist, the screen popped into life.  It still had the website he used to check in for his flight before he left sitting there.  More attempts to fill the time with messing around on the internet had him bored to death and remembering why he hated computers within minutes.  Too wired from flying (like that made a difference in his brain shutting off…it just didn’t want to), too annoyed with the computer and without any real desire to watch something on television..there was one other thing he decided he could do.

Work.

Which brought him to the present moment of folding his too-skinny frame down onto the chair at his desk sitting with his legs folded into one another “Indian-style” in his chair as he flipped folder after folder open taking a peek inside to see what he missed.  A brow raised over the frame of his glasses when he was fairly certain a couple of these were briefings of the case he missed while he was gone that he was “supposed to analyze and complete”.  Suspiciously gazing at those, he set them aside and started digging into his workload with one set of long fingers going through page after page and using the other to lift his coffee, take a sip, scrunch his nose like it bit him, then pick right back up again with another longer draw.

Few good things came from it; the only exception being getting to see the building in ways that no one else ever did. It was almost fantasical to walk the hallowed halls of the FBI building and imagine everyone who'd seen them before him; before the explosion that had rocked their world, and had taken the life of his brother. He could so clearly remember the way the building had looked before that fateful day, he turned down one particular hallway and paused at the memorial that had been designed and built in honor of the victims. He studied the names for a long moment, his hands tucked in his pockets before he turned and headed in the opposite direction in the hallway.

He'd been doing too much thinking since Spencer had left for Vegas as it was. Things had been difficult for them both the last few months. Case loads and jobs had conflicted and resulted in a long period of time where they hadn't had much, if any, real contact. Jessica had noticed that Aaron was beginning to lose some of that light that had been beginning to dawn within himself and he knew that it was palpable that he was starting to fall back into old work habits of late nights, early mornings, not enough family time. The fact was, without someone to share those hours when Jack was asleep with, it just didn't feel right being at home alone. The bed was so much bigger, so much more empty and he was finding himself lonelier and lonelier.

He paused as he passed the familiar glass walls of the BAU, his lips tilting up in a grin as he remembered all those years of working in that space and all the memories of watching his team bonding and growing while they sat at the desks that had seen too many faces come and go. He opened the door and stepped in, his hazel eyes ticking over the walls then pausing as they settled on a familiar form hunched over his desk with a cup of coffee on his desk. Aaron frowned and dropped his eyes to his watch before heading over and clearing his throat softly, not wanting to scare the young genius.

-Spencer’s eyebrows knitted together curiously as Aaron rustled through the contents inside and then when his gaze landed on what he pulled out and sat down?  Derek’s badge and gun?  He blinked.  Blinked again and had to force himself to swallow the knot that felt the size of a softball in his throat.-  No, I didn’t think it would go this far.  -Spencer’s eyes softened as he stepped nearer to Aaron’s desk and reached those thin digits forward and traced over the polished metal of the gun and the leather case that held Morgan’s credentials.  How could someone who he saw as so strong become so….lost?  He figured others had thought that about him, himself, several times before…but this?  He just couldn’t wrap his head around it or make it make sense.  None of it added up.-

He came to me a couple times.  We talked.  I should have seen it coming when he compared himself to me and her a few times..then quickly denied he did when I corrected him on it.  Those were signs.  Maybe I didn’t want to see them.  Maybe I just had so much faith in him that he’d listen..just once to what I had to say.  Or JJ had to say.  Or Garcia.  But…as far as he went?  No.  I didn’t think it’d ever get out of hand the way it did.  I’m sorry.  Speaking up earlier might have helped?  Regardless..  I’m glad it’s being taken care of.  I was about to recommend he go for a psych eval and..

-Aaron had learned to cope with the memories of Spencer and Maeve, had learned to recognize that his relationship with the man was different than the one that he'd shared with the woman, and where other people would've been threatened by hearing Spencer talk about her; but Aaron Hotchner wasn't any other person. He had his own baggage, had struggled through losing Haley, through nearly losing Jack and he understood exactly where Spencer had come from when he'd lost Maeve. But Derek Morgan hadn't suffered something as significant as that. He'd merely suffered the end of a relationship; not the person he was so emotionally attached to being viciously murdered by a psychotic.-

I didn't think he was as bad as he was. I think I kept expecting him to get over it, to move past it. We all lose relationships, I didn't see any reason for it to be as traumatic as he made it out to be.

I’m not sure if I ever really want to see him again..

-Aaron blinked as Spencer's whispered admission sounded in the room. Aaron took a few steps forward and murmured softly to him- You don't mean that, Spencer. You don't mean that because he was one of the only team members you were that close to. I'm sure when he comes back and is... - he sighed heavily- himself again, you'll be happy he's back.

Aaron, I don’t want to do this..  -His eyes softened and a thick knot welled up in his throat.  So much for strong, hard conviction when he was about to be the one to stand against a man he entrusted his life to on many times and had the same done with him.  His voice cracked when he continued and he practically looked on the verge of tears as his eyes reddened-  But if I don’t and he goes out there in the state he’s in, he could risk so much…  

I think Morgan needs help.  A lot.

-Aaron sighed and licked his lips, letting his hand drop at that comment and then took a moment, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a set of credentials and a gun. He set them down on the desk then swallowed thickly.- I know. It's been handled, Spencer.

The kiss came and Spencer’s hands each curled around Aaron’s wrists as if he’d do anything to keep him in place and not let that presence budge even an inch.  Granted, if he’d want Aaron to say, sitting or laying on the bed might have been the best option and would require movement, so the thought was quite pointless but it happened nonetheless and there wasn’t anything Spencer could do about that.  Well.  Other than mirror the touch to his mouth with one of his own to Aaron’s.  Once again, his face colored as a pale pink moved over the bridge of his nose towards both temples and he had to look down between them into the hollow shadows made by a trick of the lighting made by their positions.

Aaron drew attention back to his knee when the words he’d said earlier, the reaction it caused Spencer and the thoughts it put in his head had all but drowned out the ache.  A sad, but dismissive smile touched Spencer’s mouth.  Looking at it, he shook his head and grabbed the pillow setting it at the headboard but to his right and brushed his hands together.  ”It’s fine now.  Was just preempting any issues later.  I used it a lot today.  But it’s okay.”  So far the ache still remained the dull warmth that replaced the discomfort when panic rolled through him.  He’d take that as an additional plus after where the night could have gone if..

He really doesn’t think it’s my fault.  Right?  He means that.  Please?

Aaron’s body heat surrounded him when he was pulled in against the man’s side and he instinctively leaned towards it.  One long, thin arm bent at the elbow, the spidery fingered hand rested on Aaron’s chest while the other rested between each of their outer thighs but instead of the hem of his own pocket being fidgeted with, it was Aaron’s.  Spencer listened as Aaron explained how he felt he’d complicated things for himself.  Sure, that was a given.  This would be complicated and Spencer, himself, wasn’t known as a master of all things social or emotional and was having quite a predicament on how he had to keep checking himself on how he spoke to Aaron or carried himself but he didn’t mind.

He wondered if Aaron did..  Hopefully not enough to say forget it.

Aaron smiled weakly as Spencer shook his head and toyed with the fabric of Aaron's shirt. He reached a hand up, covering Spencer's on his chest and smiled at the younger man, dimples and all, "Listen to me, Spencer." He waited until he had Spencer's complete attention, "I am not going anywhere. It's going to take a lot more than some stress to make me turn and run, okay?" He squeezed his hand and scooted down in the bed, making sure they were eye to eye in the bed before he threaded his fingers through Spencer's and nodded, "Do you understand me, Spencer?"

Without making promises he couldn't keep, or saying words that he wasn't sure Spencer could handle, saying that he wasn't going anywhere was as good as it could get for Aaron. He hoped that Spencer understood what it all meant, that he was all in and was ready to promise something more than a casual relationship. Aaron wasn't good at these kind fo things and frankly, knew he'd have to ask Dave for where to go next. Was this where Aaron was supposed to give his lover a key to his apartment and tell him to maybe move some clothing in? Was this where he offered him a drawer to put things in when he stayed over? Things were different now than when he'd dated Haley. With Haley, it'd been simple; woo, romance, sex, dating, marriage, baby, divorce.

Spencer would be more complicated and not just because he was another man or because they worked together. This was going to change public perception for them both, more Hotch than Spencer, but still. He licked his lips, "I lost one person who meant a lot to me because of the job, Spencer. I lost her and it almost ruined me. I will not let this job tear you away from me again. Not if I have any say over anything. I'm not giving up on you."

”Thank you for staying..”