dreamer

—Drop Off

002:

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As much as people hate to admit it, it really does start from weed. 

By definition “Gateway drug; a habit forming drug that, while itself is not addictive, may lead to the use of other addictive drugs.” 

You can say you won't touch other stuff, you can let yourself get comfortable with rolling a blunt between your fingers, and soon you'll find that a cigarette basically feels the same. Maybe you'll get bored of how it feels, the same old heavy hum in your body that starts to feel sluggish instead of relaxing, red eyes that once induced giggles now get covered up with eye drops. It gets boring fast. It's a slippery slope.

But buying happiness is a lot easier than trying to fake it 

“one, two, three….”

Ellie mumbled under her breath, counting the bills, the rough paper flicking between her fingers. It becomes a rhythm rather quickly. A chime of a phone, the roar of her engine, quickly slipping whatever vice was on demand into her buyers hands, a protocol she had gotten used to. Don't ask questions, Don't get too personal, keep it at a distance, getting your fair share of highs is okay, but don't get too comfortable. 

It's not ideal, being the campus drug dealer at 19 wouldn't make any father proud, but college is expensive and her scholarship will only cover so much. 

“Twenty, twenty-one-”

A harsh few knocks spooks her out of her counting, she lets out a yelp of surprise, jolting her focus away from the bills. She waits quietly, furrowing her brows as she slides off the edge of her twin mattress, feet hitting the carpet floor of her dorm. 

“Yo?”

Ellie calls, suspicious. It was maybe 9 o'clock, so it wasn't exactly late, but who would be knocking on her dorm at almost curfew? 

“It's dina!”

A familiar voice chirps behind the wooden door, and Ellie lets out a deep breath.

“Forever paranoid, I see.”

Dina hummed as Ellie turned the door handle and let her in, rolling her eyes as the women strode into her dorm with a level of comfort that was almost annoying. 

“I have like, 6 felonies worth of shit in my dorm right now, I think I'm allowed to be paranoid."

Ellie said, going back to where she was sitting. Dina nodded, picking at her nails as she leaned on the edge of Ellie's desk.

“Fair. Anyways,” Dina put her hands together, grinning as she spoke. 

“Abby is hosting another party. You're coming.”

Ellie scoffed loudly, rolling her eyes and setting a stack of bills down. She scrunched her face and a frown slid down her face.

“Uhm, no I'm not. I'm busy.”

“Bullshit.”

“I am! I am seriously very busy..”

Ellie groaned and threw her hands up, shaking her head. She toyed with the old money, flicking the edge between her fingertips. Truthfully, she was not busy. Abby and her butted heads like idiots, and she did not want to go to another one of Abby's “epic parties.” It would be a waste of both her time, and her drugs. 

“Ellie, we need you!”

Dina whined, she tugged on the sleeve of Ellie's hoodie, shaking it with an exaggerated pout. 

“Please, you have good weed, and the party is gonna be a bust without you. Plus, you can make some money!”

Ellie clenched her jaw, grinding her teeth together with an exasperated look. She wished Dina was better at taking no for an answer, but Dina was about as stubborn as a brick wall. 

“Fuck, fine. You guys are bunch of fuckin’ feins..”

Ellie grumbled, shaking Dina off and sliding off the bed. Dina grinned, feeling accomplished in the fact she had managed to convince Ellie. Ellie pouted, curling her lip as she glanced out the window, which gave her a clear view of the campus. 

“When is it?”

“Later tonight, around 9.”

Dina slid next to her, watching people walk across the brick pavement. She threw her hair in a quick bun as she continued to speak. 

“should be fun. It's at one of the frat houses, I'll text you the address.”

“Great…I'm so excited.”

Dina scoffed and rolled her eyes at Ellie's lack of enthusiasm. She jabbed her elbow into Ellie's side, which earned a muffled groan from her. 

“Suck it up. Maybe you'll finally get laid.”

Ellie groaned louder and shook her head, running a hair through her messy hair. She moved past Dina, the floors creaked under her feet as she climbed back onto her bed. 

“Have you ever thought that maybe my abstinence is voluntary?”

“nope.”

Ellie sighed as Dina grabbed her phone, perking up and trotting her way to the door.

“I'll text you the address. You better show up, or I'm kicking your ass.”

Dina said, pointing a finger at Ellie and narrowing her eyes as she swung the door open, to which Ellie rolled her eyes and nodded.

“yeah yeah…ill be there..”

She mumbled begrudgingly, eyebrows furrowed as she leaned against the wall.

A party was the last thing she wanted to go to, especially if Abby was the host. But she also didn't wanna deal with Dina's whining, so she decided to suck it up and go. Plus, maybe she could make some money, there would be plenty of people, and a frat party was nothing without drugs and booze. 

.

.

.

The music was loud, almost obnoxious as she stepped inside. Her head spun as she walked with a practiced ease, she had been high enough times that she learned how to mask as sober. The living room was filled with people, some idiot jocks playing some beer games, while some were lounging on the couch. 

Parties were definitely Ellie's scene, she loved the anonymity of it, loved how she could just let loose and have fun, she loved how easy parties were to deal at, alcohol made everyone less anxious, so naturally her stash was sold quicker. Ellie spends more nights partying than she does studying; the rule about “getting your fair share of highs is okay, but don't get too comfortable” is total bullshit, any dealer who doesn't shoot their own shit is selling laced drugs, Ellie knew this. She loved to party and that was obvious, but what she didn't like was Abby's parties. 

Too many shirtless frats, not enough girls. They somehow were so loud, and always so wrong at the same time. It made Ellie's head ring, all they did was flex their biceps and play beer pong. 

``they seriously need better music.`` Ellie groaned to herself, slowly making her way through the crowded house. She eventually found the kitchen, pouting her lip out as she looked at all the bottles; vodka, hard lemonades, nothing fancy. She settled on a lemonade, not wanting to get too wasted too quickly. 

“This place is a bust."

She murmured, pushing past some drunk girls. She was about to go hide in a bathroom when her hand was tugged back. 

“Ellie! There you are.”

Dina smiled, and Ellie hummed in response. Dina wore shorts and a tank top, her hair thrown in a messy bun. She threw herself at Ellie, hanging off her neck with a lazy smile. It was clear she had already had something to drink. 

Ellie stiffened just a bit before she patted Dina's back softly before sliding out of her grip.

“Yeah, I came..unfortunately.”

Ellie mumbled the last part quietly, running a hand through her messy hair, sweat beading at her forehead. Dina watches her preen, watches how she adjusts her clothes, fixes her hair, it's funny. 

“Are you dealing tonight?”

Dina asks quietly, tilting her head and crossing her arms under her chest. Ellie slid her hands into her pockets, nodding silently. 

“Could I perhaps steal some weed off you? I have cash…pretty please.”

Dina put her hands together in a pleading motion, a sly smile curved up on her cheeks. Ellie rolled her eyes but opened a small pouch she had, pulling out a sealed container of bud. She picked out a few, already knowing Dina's usual amount from countless times selling to her. 

She wrapped it up, holding it to Dina between 2 fingers. Dina smiled brightly and gave her the cash, folding it up and sliding it to her. She gave Ellie a quick kiss on the cheek, something she always did. 

“You're amazing, thank you.”

Dina coo'd, and Ellie hummed, nodding as she watched Dina shove it in her pocket. 

“You say this every time.”

“Because it's true!”

Dina was amazing at stroking her ego. Ellie went to take a sip of her drink, but it was empty. She hadn't even realized she had been drinking it this much. She frowned and crushed the can. 

“Im gonna go get another drink.”

Ellie said, shuffling on her feet as she looked towards the kitchen. 

“Alright. Find me later.”

Dina rolled on her heels, and Ellie nodded in response, already moving as soon as Dina finished her sentence. 

She weaved her way through the crowd, the music blared, the base throbbed in her ears. She was in no mood to deal with people, but she needed cash. 

Ellie looked through the bottles, grabbing a solo cup and pouring a chilled liquid into it. 

“You here alone?”

A sultry voice called out from behind her. Ellie groaned internally before glancing over her shoulder. A girl, whose hair was disheveled, the strap of her tank top hanging off her shoulder, waltzed closer to Ellie with a drunk grin. Ellie frowned, leaning on the edge of the counter. 

“Nah.”

She answered dryly, and the girl pouted.

“Thats a shame. What's your name?”

Ellie sighed loudly, loudly enough for the girl to hopefully get the memo that Ellie was in no mood for flirting. She didn't. 

“None of your business..”

Ellie mumbled. The girl whined, getting uncomfortablely close. She leaned on Ellie, and Ellie shivered in response. 

“Dont be a prude!! Loosen up. I can help, if you need it-”

“Fuck off, respectfully.”

Ellie shook her off, narrowing her eyes. The girl scoffed, and Ellie shuffled away, out of her reach. 

“Fine then, be like that.”

The girl crossed her arms, storming off. Ellie rubbed her eyes, she was this close to ripping someone's head off. 

She quickly slid out of the kitchen, her head spinning and her vision blurred. She was so overwhelmed, and needed some quiet. 

Her hand touched the doorknob to the bathroom, and as soon as she closed the door, it felt like she could breathe. Her shoulders relaxed and she closed her eyes as she sat down on the cold, closed lid of the toilet. 

The air was lighter, the once annoying party music was muffled by the tile walls. She was definitely not high enough to be socializing. 

Her fingers rolled the unlit joint, feeling the thin paper dance between her fingers. She moved to hold it between her lips, taking a lighter and flicking it alive. She puffed as she lit the end of the joint, and it blew to life, the end sizzling as smoke started to affectionately swim around her. 

It had been maybe 10 minutes of silence, just Ellie and her joint, before the door to the bathroom opened. She hadn't even realized how foggy the bathroom had gotten until the person coughed a bit, and their voice made Ellie's red eyes flick up. 

“Jesus- shit, sorry..”

Another girl, though this one much more sober and polite. 

“You're fine.”

Ellie's voice came out rough and smoke worn, her eyelids heavy as she slowly looked the girl up and down. She looked nice, definitely shy. You stood awkwardly in the doorway, smoke swimming past you to the fresh air of the hallway. 

Ellie lazily leaned back against the back of the toilet, one hand holding on her knee. She took a moment to study her; she was clean, her hands toyed with the hem of her jeans, she smelled fresh, not like weed or booze, but like expensive perfume and floral shampoo. 

Definitely not the type Ellie usually talked to. 

“You gonna keep standing there staring,”

Ellie mumbled, taking a big drag before blowing it towards her teasingly. 

“Or do you need something?”

Youl shifted nervously, letting out a breathy laugh. 

“I need the mirror, if you don't mind..ill be quick.”

Ellie hummed at that, nodding as she shuffled away a bit, giving her enough room to come in and close the door, to which the mysterious girl did. 

Ellie watched as her eyes flicked across her, and she chuckled at the way they fixated curiously on the burning blunt between her fingers. She noticed it immediately, how you seemed curious, unlike Ellie, who held it with a practiced ease. 

“You smoke?”

The question caught the girl off guard, blinking at Ellie. You shrugged, shyly looking away as you spoke softly. 

“Not really.”

Ellie smirked at that, almost predatory. 

“Thats not a no.”

Ellie teased, she spread her legs, lounging back, almost intentionally making her presence known. 

“You gonna take it if i offer?”

Ellie said lowly, holding it out. You hesitated, clenching her jaw. 

But, you took it. 

You held it between your fingers, watching how it burned. 

“I'll be honest, I've never..smoked before.”

Ellie chuckled at that, biting back a grin. 

“Oh? Well there's a first time for everything.”

Ellie stood up, moving to lean on the sink next to you. 

“I'll teach you.”

Ellie took the blunt back, holding her hand up to show how to safely hold it. 

“You just gotta inhale.  Inhale, breathe in after, blow out. Watch, it's simple. Pretty hard to fuck it up.”

 You nodded, blinking up at Ellie with your big eyes. Ellie stared just as hard as she took a drag, breathing in after and blowing it out in her direction. You gulped and took a deep breath as Ellie handed it back, your fingers brushing Ellie's as you mimicked how Ellie had held it before. 

“Breathe in slow.”

Ellie watched as you put your lips where hers were just a second ago, your lipstick staining the paper as you took a big drag,  inhaling after, opening your mouth to let the smoke flow out.

“Atta girl.” Ellie whispered, the quiet didn't last long before you coughed harshly, quickly handing it back to Ellie. 

Ellie giggled, trying to stifle an actual laugh as she watched how your eyes watered and your cheeks went pink. 

“That tastes horrible..”

You mumbled, pouting her lip out. Ellie flicked the ash away and spoke. 

“Yeah, but the high is great.”

You hummed, jumping up and sitting on the edge of the sink counter. 

“So..do you have a name?” you asked softly, voice a little hoarse from coughing. 

“Ellie. You?”

When youl replied with her name, Ellie nodded, repeating it to herself as she twirled the joint between her fingers tips. 

“I like it.”

“Thanks.”

Ellie silently offered the joint back after taking a hit, and you took it, mumbling a quiet “thank you” and taking a much smaller hit as you two talked. 

“Do you come to parties often?”

You asked kindly, blowing the smoke out your nose as you watched Ellie. 

“Yeah, I sell this stuff so..bunch of dope fiends here.”

You giggled softly, and the sound made Ellie's stomach swirl. Somehow, it stroked her ego in a way she didn't know she liked. Maybe she was just high, but she felt warm.

“Oh that's cool..how long have you been doing it?”

You seemed genuinely interested, and Ellie nodded. 

“About a year,”

Ellie paused to take a hit, blowing out the smoke after.

“This seem like something you'd be interested in?”

Ellie asked, handing her the joint. You paused for a second, humming as you watched how it burned. You nodded, taking a small drag and holding it much more effectively than before. 

“Yeah, maybe. You'll have to teach me more but..”

Ellie smiled, biting her lip as she pulled out her phone, pulling up a new contact and sliding it over. 

“I gotchu, I wouldn't just leave you hanging.”

Ellie watched as you typed your number in, adding your name and snapping a quick, cute picture of yourself as the icon. 

“I want a drink.”

You said, sliding her phone back over to her.  Ellie smiled coyly, flicking the burnt roach into the trash. She could tell you were high already, your unsteady movements, your red eyes, and the fact you seemed more shy now. It was cute. 

“Let's go get you a drink then, hm?”

It wasn’t anger, what you felt. Not exactly.

You weren’t the furious kind. Never a problem-child. As far as everyone knew, you were mute. Perfect. Polished. Not because it came naturally, or because it’s the way you were raised, but because you had to be. Failure was a luxury you couldn’t afford. And with all eyes on you, you’d grown used to never coming close to it.

Hockey was important to your family. You knew that. Your father was a legend of his time, a top player, a name you had to live up to. You were certain there were more golden metals lined up across your living room walls than family photos. You’d never questioned it, though. Never thought that, maybe, it wasn’t normal to care more about public image than anything that might resemble love.

After your father’s injury during one of his games, the doctors had made it clear he’d never be able to play again. A life-long career he’d built with his own two hands, a team he’d captained and trained for years, gone within the blink of an eye. Forgotten once a clip of his brutal accident went viral.

He’d been devastated. Mortified. Then, he’d made it his life’s mission to make you the next him. And after his long recovery, with a permanent limp to accompany his haunting memory, your father had forcefully tossed you into the world of hockey.

Cold, cruel, biting— hockey.

You were nothing short of seven years old with star-printed bandaids on your battered knees and missing front teeth. Your mother, forever too distant to argue, stayed quiet as your father’s passion became yours. Even still, you’d quickly learned that the only recognition that mattered was the kind followed by golden metals and article headlines.

If nobody remembered, it didn’t happen.

That’s what your father always said.

As you grew into puberty, hockey became a second skin, a beating heart, a tough shell of equal protection from the world and from yourself. The cameras didn’t matter so long as you got the goal. You were good at hockey. That meant something. When you were on the ice, gliding like you defied all the common laws of physics, you were sure— for a moment— that nothing else existed.

You were well aware that your father lived vicariously through you, nitpicking each move you made as though he couldn’t fathom that your mind and flesh were singularly your own. His control bled into every aspect of you, blurring the lines between father and manager. His voice was a constant buzz in your ear, an endless reminder that nothing was ever enough. But you didn’t have a say. You never did.

Now, captain of your team and one of the most trending, influential players in the world, you were burdened with the task of representing your family. Your name. Your father’s legacy. And although you were older now, and you’d be damned if you let anyone hold that same control over you, you knew that you still couldn’t fail.

Winning was engraved in you.

Like you were a machine and your father was the inventor.

Coping was never your strong suit. You tried the breathing, the journaling, the top-notch therapies— all the stupid crap that people preached so much about. But the stress still gnawed, still twirled inside your gut. You were a ball of nerves with tensed shoulders and a tight jaw, because the truth is, fame didn’t leave room for emotions.

Fame didn’t comprehend you as anything other than a player number on the back of a jersey, or the replicant copy of an all-time hockey legend. No amount of fancy therapy could make you think any differently. No amount of medicine could outshine your dulled-out youth.

But hockey could.

And it did.

Because hockey made you focused.

It made you forget.

And that was far more productive than any emotion you could’ve possibly felt.

Ellie was sick and tired of everyone telling her what to do.

She didn’t give a shit about brand deals, or fawning girls, or whatever bullshit the media had spewed out that week. Much less did she give a shit about what the world and all of its people thought of her. She just wanted to play hockey.

Well— play hockey and win.

The stick against the puck, the puck against the net, again and again in a continuous, constant rhythm. She’d memorized the sounds, learned to count the seconds as though she could anticipate the next move, the next goal. Adrenaline pumped through her veins like hockey was her drug of choice.

It made her feel alive.

Nothing had ever made her feel that way before.

She’d always been consumed by a strange sort of numbness. Not the kind that came from trauma or the act of blocking things out, but the kind that existed there regardless of any fact. The kind that remained. She didn’t understand. She had a family that loved her. Friends that cared. For a long time, she had a girlfriend. But none of it felt right.

None of it felt real.

The pressure of winning was more sustainable. The anger it ignited, more physical. Hockey gave her a sense of control she desperately craved. It was a place where her anger could belong. The sweat building on her skin, the lack of breath coming in and out of her lungs, the game so rough she could drop dead on the ice— it was the one thing she had a say in.

Control was all she needed.

It made her stop thinking about all the other things she couldn’t change. How her father was the only parent she had. How he’d given her everything since the moment he’d taken her in, and now he was getting older, sicker, less able. How she felt like she owed him, but didn’t know how to give back. How her friends had their lives figured out, in their 20’s already settling down, and she still had no idea what she wanted to do with her life other than play hockey.

Maybe she needed a different outlet. Maybe obsession wasn’t the answer. Maybe control wasn’t the purpose. She knew that. It was a truth she didn’t want to admit, but a truth that ate her alive nonetheless. Her father had repeated it many times. He insisted that her impulse would be the thing to ruin her.

Maybe that’s why, when she saw you on the ice for the first time, she felt this visceral need to know more.

You were an answer to some sort of unknown equation, a push to her endless pull. She felt a loose bolt in her head that only you could tighten. And it wasn’t obsession that drew her in. Nor was it her infectious need for control.

It was strategy. Patience. Technique.

You were an uncontrollable force. An unpredictable entity.

And she was determined to figure you out.

December 2013

The weather this morning had seemingly decided that today wasn’t your day. It was gloomy and grey, large clouds looming over you like some sort of warning. A terrible start to the most important day of your life, you thought. The game that would dictate much of your future— and whether or not your father would respect you as an adult player.

You were eighteen now. The youngest player on either team. The so-called ‘nepotism baby’ that the public either spat on or worshipped with little-to-no in between. Today was your chance to prove yourself. Sure, being your father’s daughter gave you undeniable opportunities. But getting up there— up to the very top— you’d done that all on your own.

Your father had dialed you about twenty times this morning, to which you could only decline. The voicemails went on about how he wouldn’t make it to your game, though you weren’t exactly surprised. He hadn’t gone to one of your games since middle school. Instead, he watched from the television in the comfort of his home, probably so he could yell at you freely through the screen. You were certain your mother watched too, only she never had much to say about anything.

As important as hockey was to them, they sure didn’t seem to care enough to show up.

Your phone rang again. You felt it vibrate in your pocket, picking it out with a loud, annoyed sigh. You watched your breath escape into the cold air.

It was your father.

This time, you answered.

“Game’s about to start, Dad, I don’t have time for this,” you spoke into the phone, hiding by the emergency exit at the back of the building like it could save you.

“Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”

“I’ve been… busy…” you lied through your teeth, squinting your eyes like the conversation hurt to entertain.

“Are you caught up with what the press is saying?”

“What? No—“

“They think Boston’s got this in the bag. You gotta step it up, kid. Anticipate. Watch instead of do.”

You swallowed his words. Internalized them, nonetheless.

You didn’t have it in you to argue. Not when he was mostly right. Not when you’d already spent most of your life trying to get him to understand.

“Yep. Got it. Thanks.”

“Just… make me proud.” He paused. “You know what to do.”

You closed your eyes, already feeling a headache form between your eyebrows. “Yeah. I will, Dad,” you said, voice quieter than expected. “Say ‘hi’ to Mom for me, will you?”

And just like that, the call was over. You were left with nothing but the burdening silence of your racing thoughts and the chilly winter breeze. You held the phone up to your forehead like you half-expected it to ease some of your worry. But it was no use. You were a mess, and the day had barely begun.

You dragged out a breath.

Regulated yourself. Composed yourself.

You checked the time on the phone screen, still not quite ready to have your hockey skills broadcasted for the entire world to see. This was your first international game. Your first time close up on a big screen. Your first time hearing equal parts praise and hatred. With only a few minutes to spare before the big moment, you dug into the pocket of your jacket for a pack of cigarettes and a lighter you’d absentmindedly tossed in there earlier, silently grateful that you had.

You let the smoke reach the back of your throat and sneak its way into your lungs, exhaling slowly as the familiar scent of tobacco pooled your senses. You didn’t smoke often enough for it to be considered a bad habit, but it was enough to be something you turned to when reality bit too hard.

“That kinda morning, huh?”

You heard her before you saw her, the voice catching you completely off guard. Your head snapped to face her— Ellie Williams. Boston’s best player. America’s most talked-about celebrity at the moment, known for her cocky attitude, unmatched winning streak, and hot-headed temper.

She also happened to be your opponent.

America might’ve been wrong about many things, but Ellie Williams being a heartthrob wasn’t one of them. She was even hotter in person. Her slim figure loomed over you, barely but noticeable, maybe more of a confidence thing than actual height. Her eyes were dark despite the awfully bright green of them, focused like she was already studying you.

You shook the thought away as quickly as it’d formed.

She pulled the grey beanie lower over her head, crossing her arms over her chest as her feet took deliberate steps towards you. She settled beside you, leaning on the wall like everything about her was fixed and casual.

“I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke here, Golden Girl,” she teased, her voice low as she pointed up to the faded ‘no smoking’ sign pinned on the wall behind you.

You rolled your eyes. That damn nickname made you want to puke every time you heard it. “Please don’t call me that.”

You exhaled smoke into the air again, choosing to ignore her initial comment.

There, at your lack of regard, she cracked a smile. It was more of a smirk, you thought, but a smile nonetheless. You couldn’t tell if she was mocking you or simply watching you, but, god, that look she gave you made you want to scream.

“I’m Ellie,” she quickly switched topics, extending her hand for you to shake.

Your eyes squinted, suspicion filling your being. “Yeah, I know who you are.” You met her hand with yours, briefly shaking up and down. “And clearly you know who I am, so…”

Ellie nodded slowly, her eyes never leaving you. “So…” she echoed, as if waiting for you to say the next word.

“So…” you repeated. “I’m gonna wish you good luck.”

She finally looked down at her shoes, sucking in a breath through her teeth. “I don’t believe in luck.” She shrugged.

“Well, I do,” you insisted, your gaze never faltering, your tone never softening.

And she just looked at you. Memorized you with that same so-close-yet-so-far look. You didn’t know what to make of it. Was she doing it on purpose? Was she trying to leave a mark?

You blinked, clearing your throat. “Anyway, I should probably get in there,” you mumbled, scratching the side of your nose just to give your hand something to do.

You took one last hit of your cigarette before dropping it to the ground. Then you turned, already walking away, prepared for the never-ending thrill of your upcoming game. But before you could make it too far, Ellie spoke again.

“You won’t be so nice when we beat you,” she said, her tone still teasing like she wasn’t letting up, still cocky like she wouldn’t accept your unbothered response.

“Keep dreaming, Williams,” was your simple response as you continued your path straight ahead.

You smirked to yourself when she didn’t say anything else.

The rest of the day, however, was an awful blur. And you were convinced Ellie Williams was a goddamn bad luck charm. The second you stepped foot on the ice, she was on you like gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe. She was quick. That, you could admit. And they weren’t lying when they said she got under other players’ skins. It must’ve been a tactic. A way for her to get into your mind and destroy your focus a little. Either way, she was getting to you. And you didn’t like it one bit.

You should’ve expected it, honestly. The aggravating messiness, the annoyingly perfect stealthiness, the way she moved with such ease and fluidity. For a moment, you caught yourself just observing her, watching her as she focused on the puck beneath her control. She didn’t tremble, she didn’t falter, she didn’t even seem nervous at all. In that brief moment of weakness, you wondered what it might be like to live in her skin. To inhabit her mind. To take control of her hands, and her hips, and know what it felt like to be so free.

Then, before you knew it, you’d blinked back into reality. The puck slid across the ice in perfectly timed intervals, your eyes forcing themselves to chase it rather than her. Then, when the puck neared you just enough, her shoulder nudged roughly against yours— an act you were sure was so purposeful, so meticulously planned, that it made you angry. The impact made your body jerk.

“What the hell?!” Your arms extended on either side, shoulders raising in frustration as you glared at her.

If you weren’t live on international television right now, you probably would’ve shoved her right back. Except it didn’t matter at all whether you did or didn’t shove her, because the whole world had just seen that interaction. And they wouldn’t forget it, to say the very least.

Ellie slowed in her tracks. “Watch where you skate, L/N.” She smirked again, her stick sweeping the puck away from you.

You wanted nothing more than to wipe that stupid smug look off her freckled face. When the game finally reached its end, and you were all sweaty and breathless and riled up, you were convinced she was the most annoying person on this planet.

Worst of all, not only did her presence make your blood boil, but she had actually beat you. Canada versus America. Montreal versus Boston. The game that you were so sure you could handle. She fucking won, just like she’d said she would. And that pissed you off even more.

Both teams were now lined up for the post-game handshake. Your teammates had their spirits crushed, and as captain it was your duty to keep a good face, not just for them, or for you, but also for the press. For the fans. For the viewers at home. You couldn’t show any ounce of weakness, especially not now that Ellie probably expected it.

That sore-loser mentality had no place in the hockey world.

You’d learned that from your father, too.

A harmonious series of ‘good game’ flooded your ears as each player shook another’s hand. When it was Ellie’s turn to shake yours, she took it with a strange familiarity. With her helmet tucked under her arm and sweat dripping from her forehead, the wetness glistening in contrast to the white of the ice, she leaned in close to your ear.

“See you at the draft,” she whispered, lingering momentarily, but only enough for you to catch it.

When she separated, you caught that same smirk.

And as she skated off, you did nothing but clench your jaw.

It was official— you hated Ellie Williams.

June 2014

You really didn’t want to be here right now. Six excruciating months after your pitiful loss against Boston, and you still found it hard to show your face at any of these gatherings. It felt like all anyone ever wanted to talk about was how Ellie Williams had beat the daughter of the greatest hockey player in history. To put it simply, you were embarrassed. Not just that you’d lost, but that you’d been so sure you’d win.

It wasn’t all bad, though. You’d gotten drafted, and so had Ellie, which meant that you were both the brand new, talented faces of the major league. Despite the loss, you’d made it a step further into your hockey career. And it’s safe to say that it wasn’t because of your father’s status, but the unforgettable image you’d already put out there for the whole world to see.

In those months following the game, you were sure you’d never seen your father so disappointed. What he’d said on those phone calls, you didn’t even want to remember. The yelling, the insults, the scolding like you were still a little girl that needed to be disciplined— it made you feel lucky that, for the next few months, you’d be too busy traveling the country for hockey games and promos to see him.

So you sucked it up. Just for today. You let yourself forget your father’s words, let yourself destroy the weight of his anger towards your failure. You couldn’t allow Ellie to get to you like that. And you wouldn’t— you’d make sure of it. It just felt impossible when the mere thought of her made you want to rip the hair right off your scalp.

“We don’t care that she came in number two,” the man in the fine suit and tie said to your father. “Montreal is head over heels, especially with how young she is.”

Your father glanced your way to see if you were still listening.

The man spoke about you as if you weren’t right in front of him. You did nothing but stand there and look pretty, just like your father said to do. Either way, you were too distracted to respond. Too preoccupied by the sight of Ellie standing on the staircase in that dark tuxedo, her dress shirt half-unbuttoned to expose parts of her collarbones, hands deep in her pockets like she was too cool to be anxious.

You blinked. Looked away before anyone could catch you.

“Many kiddos out there will see themselves in her. That’s important, these days,” the man continued, his hands swaying dramatically like his words held so much meaning.

“I completely agree,” your father chimed in, listening closely and intently— or at least, pretending to.

You stayed quiet, still half-blinking like you were drifting in the spaces between here and somewhere else. Taking a sip of champagne, you found your mind wandering. Past summers, scheduled vacations, that lunch date you’d planned with your best friend and never followed through with— anything to keep you from falling over the edge.

“She seems to have a bright future ahead of her,” the fancy man in the suit continued, pulling you away from your distant, everlasting thoughts.

Your father nodded. “Yeah, she’s amazing,” he paused to look at you. “She just needs discipline.”

You looked down at the champagne glass beneath your fingertips, unable to meet his eye.

“Nothing a little PR training can’t fix,” the man responded with an awkward chuckle, probably feeling the tension in the air.

You cleared your throat, then put on a smile. “I promise, I won’t disappoint.”

The man nodded once, convinced. “I have no doubt about that.” He grinned, looking at your father as if to tell him that he should be proud.

Instead of dwelling on your father’s lack of reaction, you looked up again. Maybe it was out of habit, or a simple, practiced mindlessness. Or maybe it was something more intentional. More visceral. Either way, you saw Ellie up there again, standing at the top of the stairs beside her father, nodding her head at every muffled word like she was paying close attention. It bothered you, how easily she blended in. How all this fame and fortune seemed built into her, like she didn’t even have to try.

Having grown up in the limelight, this stuff should’ve come naturally to you. The cameras, the interviews, the picture-perfect agenda— it was your birthright. Your inheritance. You couldn’t understand why the constant attention made your mind circle, why your palms felt drenched in sweat and your chest felt like it was compressing and collapsing in on itself.

The version of you that everyone else saw… that wasn’t you.

It never was.

Maybe that sentiment was more suffocating than you’d thought. But it was the hefty price that came with following your dreams.

All of a sudden, you blinked. Your mind and body were one again. And then, you noticed her looking right at you. She had that same expression, like she was daring you, tempting you. She took a sip of champagne as she stared at you. She mumbled something in her father’s direction. You couldn’t hear what it was, but she held out her champagne glass for him to grab. Then she looked at you again, her eyes a shakingly piercing green.

Her gaze didn’t leave yours as she stepped into the women’s restroom, disappearing from your line of sight.

Was she communicating something?

Was this another challenge? Another attempt at pressing your buttons and pushing you over the edge?

You cleared your throat, utterly conflicted.

You thought about staying put beside your father, letting their words muffle in your ears for yet another hour. But this feeling you had, it couldn’t be ignored. This urge. This thrill.

“Hey, Dad, I’m gonna run to the restroom real quick. I’ll be back,” you whispered, handing him your champagne glass.

He nodded. Waved you off.

He didn’t care enough to argue.

Your legs seemed to have a mind of their own, leading you to nowhere in particular. Part of you wanted to stop, to stay, to ignore whatever hold Ellie had over you. But the way her gaze had carried such power, the way her eyes sunk into you— tore through you— it was impossible to push away. And impossible to understand. A strange curiosity filled your being.

Before you knew it, you were entering the women’s restroom, sucking in a breath like you were bracing yourself for some kind of disaster. And then, there she was, leaning against one of the porcelain sinks like she’d been waiting for you. Her confidence baffled you.

“It’s been a hell of a day,” she said, awfully casual.

“Yeah.” You let out a breath. “Twelve hours straight of ‘stand there and look pretty.’”

She looked you up and down, as if taking in all the fancy clothes and expensive brands you had on, as if memorizing this very scene.

The moment felt heavy.

“Is that why you followed me here?” she asked, her head tilting to the side like she was desperate to get under your skin. Always teasing. “Needed a break?”

Your face felt hot. “What? No— I wasn’t— I didn’t follow you.” You crossed your arms, defensive all of a sudden.

“Hm,” she mumbled, probably not convinced.

She studied your body language like she was trying to dissect you. Like she was desperate to know what you were really thinking. What you hid underneath. You felt exposed. Raw. The vulnerability made your gut twitch.

Ellie sucked in a breath, then dropped her shoulders like she was letting down a wall. “I guess we’ll be seeing each other more often now,” she said.

“Yep.” You nodded, unable to muster up too many words. “Montreal and Boston. Destined to clash.”

She looked at you with that familiar mischievous grin. “Better get used to it, Golden Girl.”

Your eyes narrowed, face stoic. “I told you not to call me that.”

She looked down at her shoes. “I dunno, I think it’s kinda fitting.” She looked up at you again, and you just knew that whatever she was about to say would piss you off. “Y’know, you being all perfect and proper all the time.”

“Right.” Your voice was monotone. Unimpressed. You let out a breath through your nose that resembled a scoff. “And now I know why they call you Bad Temper. You bashed your shoulder into me halfway through the damn game.”

Two could play at this game, you thought.

Instead of responding, Ellie just laughed. Truly, fully chuckled under her breath. She must’ve found you utterly amusing, and in a way, that bothered you more than any response. In a swift movement, she eased off the sink, slowly approaching you as her hands snuck into her pockets. Your eyes drew down to her tux, then back up once you’d realized you’d been looking.

She inched closer in brief, deliberate movements. Always careful, always stealthy. She always had tricks up her sleeve, and not just on the ice. With her eyes jabbing into yours, she placed herself in front of you, blocking the entrance. Now, you couldn’t leave.

“You’re still mad about that?” she asked, her voice low and menacing, brows curling like she couldn’t believe it.

You huffed, crossing your arms harder over your chest like it would keep you stable. “I’m not mad.”

She smiled again. You caught a pair of dimples— one on either cheek— then mentally scolded yourself for noticing such a thing. “Right,” she practically whispered.

You rolled your eyes, curiosity dying as another sort of heat began to wash over you. You swallowed the large lump in your throat, leaning over Ellie’s shoulder to reach for the door handle. But before you could escape through the threshold, her hand found your wrist.

“Good luck out there, L/N,” she murmured, low enough for only the two of you to hear. The sentiment should’ve felt genuine, but her tone was ever playful.

You scoffed, full-on this time. “Whatever, Williams,” you said, fighting past the hold on your wrist and through the entrance.

Outside of the women’s restroom, you were once again faced with the real world. Your father somewhere in the nearby distance, with other fancy people talking his fancy ear off. Your heart was thumping in your chest at an unnatural rhythm, a strange adrenaline consuming your system. You didn’t know what the rest of the night would hold, nor what the future of your career would look like.

All you knew was that Ellie Williams was on the opposite team, not just on the ice, but everywhere else.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ⋮ @lesmerri @dulcesthoughts @abstabz @cutflwr @liifeunwritten @marcvo @seasonsofchaos @notlinearr @isaellie @fibrogirlie @sevikas7princess @baicurious @girl-so-gay @stup1d-inc @liztreez @starduszt @switchermar @m0on1ight1 @ph4rmacyfa1rie @disasterlogy @ellielovrfr @ikarisisnotonfire @kanadadryer @lesbikitti @ellieskitty @mothsinwyoming @thinkingabtellie @letmebeurbaby @milanyas @moonlightxaridw @jujueilish @yoongzmin @thebaddestbitcheva

a/n : alright gays, what do we think?? i hope it’s not too obvious that i know nothing about hockey… let me know your thoughts!! and comment if you’d like to be tagged in the upcoming chapters.

PERMANENT TAGLIST - @notlinearr @seasonsofchaos @pvrnowitch @lobotomymutt @meamouraa @nanastypewriter @abstabz @ladyybabyy @dulcesthoughts @cutflwr @jigugooglieyes @uniquewombatexpert @cherry-kissesxox @m0on1ight1 @mars4hellokitty @simply-jinxed @lenisaob @dazzlinggleamgirl @amberkhghdxf @sevikas7princess @bunniestfemme @girl-so-gay @koraszi @lesbikitti @lyviesb @geeanne @sicklygothic @korliover @flw3rsstuff @1eliana123-blog @ar1-angel @angryoilslick516 (go here to be tagged!)

You checked your outfit for the seventh time that morning, before picking up your car keys but the moment you did, Ellie swatted them out of your hand. You blinked at her, confused.

“What?”

“You ain’t ever drivin’ when I’m here,” Ellie wrapped one arm around your waist, “just be my pretty passenger princess.”

“You’re too much.” You giggled but you were blushing.

“You love it.”

“Damn right, I do.”

You both walked out of the house. You turned to lock the door and Ellie went to rev the car out of the parking lot. Once she did, she opened the car door for you. You got in, she closed it and returned to the drivers’ side.

“We’ve never really been grocery shopping so early before.”

“Well, technically we’re not grocery shopping… just bread.”

“Just bread, got it.”

Yeah, well you knew Ellie wouldn’t ever settle for “just bread”.

If she saw the apple juice she loved so much, she would give you puppy eyes til you put it in the basket and bought it despite what you both agreed on back at home. Those were just the little things that bonded you and Ellie.

She parked once you both reached, and before you could reach for the door— she jogged on to the other side and opened it.

“Come on, princess.”

You rolled your eyes affectionately, “you’re such a show off.”

“Gotta treat my babygirl right.”

You smacked her playfully, “go fetch bread.”

“M’not a dog.” Ellie huffed.

You raised a brow and gave her the look.

Yeah, she remembered the collar and leash in the bedroom. With a groan, she walked ahead into the store anyway. You laughed softly and followed her in. As you looked at the dates on the back of the bread to make sure it’s fresh, you heard another couple behind you.

“Oh my god, we should really try those viral TABS chocolate.”

“Isn’t that just Viagra?”

Your interest was piqued.

“Els, can you go ahead and pay?” You handed it to her.

“Yeah, sure.”

You took your phone out, and typed in TABS chocolate. It seemed like an interesting thing to try in the bedroom, and you and Ellie were always looking to try new things so it seemed like a really good opportunity. You glanced at her.

She stood by the counter, waiting for the person ahead to finish. You looked back at your phone, and ordered a pack before pocketing it and acting like you didn’t just order something aphrodisiac-induced over the phone.

“Ready to go?” Ellie asked, offering a hand.

You took it with an innocent smile on your lips, “yeah, let’s go.”

Within the next week, the chocolates had arrived. You were extra careful, hiding it from Ellie as you brought it in and carefully unwrapped it before snapping off a significantly large piece.

Ellie was sitting in the living room, cross legged on the couch as her eyes remained focused on the TV screen, fingers dancing over the console buttons like second nature. You took a seat beside her, scooting closer til your leg touched hers.

“Hi, baby.”

“Hey,” Ellie muttered, “need somethin’?”

“No,” you leaned your head on her shoulder, watching her play, “I have something for you.”

“What is it?”

“Chocolate.”

You held up a piece with a smile.

Ellie glanced. “Just chocolate?”

“Yeah, just chocolate,” you giggled softly, “what else does it look like?”

“Nothin’.” Ellie reached over, catching the piece between her teeth before chewing and eventually taking it in her mouth.

You smiled, satisfied, “is it good?”

“Yeah,” Ellie chewed, “it’s chocolate.”

You gave it just enough time for Ellie to realise what she’d eaten wasn’t just chocolate. It was something way stronger.

“Baby, what was that thing you gave me?”

“What thing?”

You tilted your head innocently, a smile on your face as you slowly took your bathrobe off. You were fresh out of the shower, body smelling softly of vanilla as you stood there naked in front of your girlfriend who visibly was malfunctioning.

“Oh. My. Fucking. Goodness.”

Ellie stepped closer and then just dropped to her knees. A low thud.

She remained there, kneeling in front of you. Her hands touched your bare thighs like you weren’t real.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty.”

You grinned a little, “you wanna get in bed?”

“Fuck, yeah,” Ellie said with a desperate nod and quickly pulled her shirt off, throwing it to a corner followed quickly by the rest of her clothes.

It started slowly. You climbed into Ellie’s lap, and her hands found your waist like she’d memorised the shape of your body ages ago. She held you there and moved you back and forth.

Your bare pussy rubbed against her thigh, creating friction that made it get wetter. You shivered, shoulders tensing.

“Oh, oh, that feels so good.”

“Yeah baby?” Ellie pulled you in for a kiss.

Your lips met hers and you swore you felt like you were in heaven.

She moved against you rough, like she’d been craving for intimacy for months if not years. Her hands around your body tightened. She grunted softly, feeling the sudden drip of wetness.

“Fuck, babe,” she pulled away from a second, then bit your bottom lip.

You moaned, eyes closing.

“You look so good makin’ a mess on my thigh. Make me wanna just pin y’down, ass up, and fuck you til you pass out.”

“Ellie, stop, you’re— you’re too much…” you mumbled, your cheeks red.

Ellie didn’t listen. She wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

“Y’really got some nerve, y’know, tellin’ me to stop when you’re the one that drugged me.”

You whined, “baby, please…”

“Uh-huh,” she pulled you in for another kiss.

You kissed her back automatically, your pussy clenching around nothing. Ellie felt it. Her hand dropped down to cup your ass. A subtle squeeze.

You parted from the kiss.

“You ain’t got no choice, princess.”

That just turned you on even more.

You drooled, mind feeling hazy because of the intensity of the pleasure but you didn’t want her to stop.

“Els, fuck, please. Please, make me feel good.”

Ellie’s grip on your ass tightened, “y’think you deserve it?”

You nodded. “Yes… please. Please, don’t tease.”

Ellie flipped you open. You squeaked softly.

Her fingers found your cunt, rubbing up the lips before two fingers pushed up against your slit. You whined and clutched the sheets.

Ellie’s fingers moved inside fast thanks to how wet you already were. Your eyes closed tightly as you fought the urge to drool.

Ellie’s fingers moved fast and rough. Your moans slurred with the words you failed to speak. The pleasure was overwhelming you.

She was moving way too fast. You gasped softly.

“Oh! Oh my gosh…”

And finished all over her fingers. Ellie turned you over so you were on your back, rubbing your lower abdomen.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to fuck you with my strap,” she said, reaching for the toy from her beside table drawer.

Your eyes were closed until you felt the prodding tip of her strap against your entrance.

She pushed it in slowly, watching as your hole stretched around the silicone dick, easily taking her in. You whined and gripped the sheets tighter, your back arching as your body stretched to accommodate the big toy.

Ellie rubbed your tummy, her warm palm against your skin as she whispered, “there she goes, that’s my girl.”

You tightened around the toy, clenching around her, “Ellie, Els! Oh my gosh, that feels so good.”

Ellie started moving, her hips slapping the back of your thighs as she folded you. You could feel the way the bulbous head of the toy started bulging your tummy. Ellie rubbed that part, letting you feel just how full you were.

“There you go, princess. You’re so pretty like this. Fuck, if only I could keep this sweet pussy full of me all the time like this.”

Ellie fucked you harder. Your eyes closed, brows curling up.

“Baby! I’m— I’m s—”

Your head tipped back, a thin ring of cream forming around the base of the strap as you came again. Ellie cussed under her breath and rubbed your clit with her thumb, feeling your sticky cum against her finger.

You checked your outfit for the seventh time that morning, before picking up your car keys but the moment you did, Ellie swatted them out of your hand. You blinked at her, confused.

“What?”

“You ain’t ever drivin’ when I’m here,” Ellie wrapped one arm around your waist, “just be my pretty passenger princess.”

“You’re too much.” You giggled but you were blushing.

“You love it.”

“Damn right, I do.”

You both walked out of the house. You turned to lock the door and Ellie went to rev the car out of the parking lot. Once she did, she opened the car door for you. You got in, she closed it and returned to the drivers’ side.

“We’ve never really been grocery shopping so early before.”

“Well, technically we’re not grocery shopping… just bread.”

“Just bread, got it.”

Yeah, well you knew Ellie wouldn’t ever settle for “just bread”.

If she saw the apple juice she loved so much, she would give you puppy eyes til you put it in the basket and bought it despite what you both agreed on back at home. Those were just the little things that bonded you and Ellie.

She parked once you both reached, and before you could reach for the door— she jogged on to the other side and opened it.

“Come on, princess.”

You rolled your eyes affectionately, “you’re such a show off.”

“Gotta treat my babygirl right.”

You smacked her playfully, “go fetch bread.”

“M’not a dog.” Ellie huffed.

You raised a brow and gave her the look.

Yeah, she remembered the collar and leash in the bedroom. With a groan, she walked ahead into the store anyway. You laughed softly and followed her in. As you looked at the dates on the back of the bread to make sure it’s fresh, you heard another couple behind you.

“Oh my god, we should really try those viral TABS chocolate.”

“Isn’t that just Viagra?”

Your interest was piqued.

“Els, can you go ahead and pay?” You handed it to her.

“Yeah, sure.”

You took your phone out, and typed in TABS chocolate. It seemed like an interesting thing to try in the bedroom, and you and Ellie were always looking to try new things so it seemed like a really good opportunity. You glanced at her.

She stood by the counter, waiting for the person ahead to finish. You looked back at your phone, and ordered a pack before pocketing it and acting like you didn’t just order something aphrodisiac-induced over the phone.

“Ready to go?” Ellie asked, offering a hand.

You took it with an innocent smile on your lips, “yeah, let’s go.”

Within the next week, the chocolates had arrived. You were extra careful, hiding it from Ellie as you brought it in and carefully unwrapped it before snapping off a significantly large piece.

Ellie was sitting in the living room, cross legged on the couch as her eyes remained focused on the TV screen, fingers dancing over the console buttons like second nature. You took a seat beside her, scooting closer til your leg touched hers.

“Hi, baby.”

“Hey,” Ellie muttered, “need somethin’?”

“No,” you leaned your head on her shoulder, watching her play, “I have something for you.”

“What is it?”

“Chocolate.”

You held up a piece with a smile.

Ellie glanced. “Just chocolate?”

“Yeah, just chocolate,” you giggled softly, “what else does it look like?”

“Nothin’.” Ellie reached over, catching the piece between her teeth before chewing and eventually taking it in her mouth.

You smiled, satisfied, “is it good?”

“Yeah,” Ellie chewed, “it’s chocolate.”

You gave it just enough time for Ellie to realise what she’d eaten wasn’t just chocolate. It was something way stronger.

“Baby, what was that thing you gave me?”

“What thing?”

You tilted your head innocently, a smile on your face as you slowly took your bathrobe off. You were fresh out of the shower, body smelling softly of vanilla as you stood there naked in front of your girlfriend who visibly was malfunctioning.

“Oh. My. Fucking. Goodness.”

Ellie stepped closer and then just dropped to her knees. A low thud.

She remained there, kneeling in front of you. Her hands touched your bare thighs like you weren’t real.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty.”

You grinned a little, “you wanna get in bed?”

“Fuck, yeah,” Ellie said with a desperate nod and quickly pulled her shirt off, throwing it to a corner followed quickly by the rest of her clothes.

It started slowly. You climbed into Ellie’s lap, and her hands found your waist like she’d memorised the shape of your body ages ago. She held you there and moved you back and forth.

Your bare pussy rubbed against her thigh, creating friction that made it get wetter. You shivered, shoulders tensing.

“Oh, oh, that feels so good.”

“Yeah baby?” Ellie pulled you in for a kiss.

Your lips met hers and you swore you felt like you were in heaven.

She moved against you rough, like she’d been craving for intimacy for months if not years. Her hands around your body tightened. She grunted softly, feeling the sudden drip of wetness.

“Fuck, babe,” she pulled away from a second, then bit your bottom lip.

You moaned, eyes closing.

“You look so good makin’ a mess on my thigh. Make me wanna just pin y’down, ass up, and fuck you til you pass out.”

“Ellie, stop, you’re— you’re too much…” you mumbled, your cheeks red.

Ellie didn’t listen. She wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.

“Y’really got some nerve, y’know, tellin’ me to stop when you’re the one that drugged me.”

You whined, “baby, please…”

“Uh-huh,” she pulled you in for another kiss.

You kissed her back automatically, your pussy clenching around nothing. Ellie felt it. Her hand dropped down to cup your ass. A subtle squeeze.

You parted from the kiss.

“You ain’t got no choice, princess.”

That just turned you on even more.

You drooled, mind feeling hazy because of the intensity of the pleasure but you didn’t want her to stop.

“Els, fuck, please. Please, make me feel good.”

Ellie’s grip on your ass tightened, “y’think you deserve it?”

You nodded. “Yes… please. Please, don’t tease.”

Ellie flipped you open. You squeaked softly.

Her fingers found your cunt, rubbing up the lips before two fingers pushed up against your slit. You whined and clutched the sheets.

Ellie’s fingers moved inside fast thanks to how wet you already were. Your eyes closed tightly as you fought the urge to drool.

Ellie’s fingers moved fast and rough. Your moans slurred with the words you failed to speak. The pleasure was overwhelming you.

She was moving way too fast. You gasped softly.

“Oh! Oh my gosh…”

And finished all over her fingers. Ellie turned you over so you were on your back, rubbing your lower abdomen.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to fuck you with my strap,” she said, reaching for the toy from her beside table drawer.

Your eyes were closed until you felt the prodding tip of her strap against your entrance.

She pushed it in slowly, watching as your hole stretched around the silicone dick, easily taking her in. You whined and gripped the sheets tighter, your back arching as your body stretched to accommodate the big toy.

Ellie rubbed your tummy, her warm palm against your skin as she whispered, “there she goes, that’s my girl.”

You tightened around the toy, clenching around her, “Ellie, Els! Oh my gosh, that feels so good.”

Ellie started moving, her hips slapping the back of your thighs as she folded you. You could feel the way the bulbous head of the toy started bulging your tummy. Ellie rubbed that part, letting you feel just how full you were.

“There you go, princess. You’re so pretty like this. Fuck, if only I could keep this sweet pussy full of me all the time like this.”

Ellie fucked you harder. Your eyes closed, brows curling up.

“Baby! I’m— I’m s—”

Your head tipped back, a thin ring of cream forming around the base of the strap as you came again. Ellie cussed under her breath and rubbed your clit with her thumb, feeling your sticky cum against her finger.

Ellie wasn't born lucky.

She didn’t believe in luck for most of her life— more so, didn’t believe luck was something meant for her.

After losing both of her parents as a child, she was shipped off to Manhattan to live with her uncle, Joel. Joel was a truck driver who would leave her for weeks at a time, completely alone. When he actually was home, he was almost always passed out drunk on his recliner. She knew he was never the same after losing his wife. She loved him anyway.

Ellie learned to do everything by herself. It helped that she was incredibly gifted, and extremely smart from a young age.

Learning was the only thing that truly distracted her from how sad and lonely she was.

Ellie does at least have two real friends, Dina and Jesse. The two lovebirds who would stick by her through anything. They made her feel lucky.

They are also the only two people who know that she’s the secret masked hero of New York City, Spider Girl.

She wasn’t sure if the radioactive spider that bit her and gave her superpowers was luck. Some days it felt like an unbearable burden. She started to feel responsible for all the crime, the pain, the hurt. Every destroyed building, every injured victim, every life she couldn’t save, all her fault. It repeats in her head, uninvited. Allyourfaultallyourfaultallyourfaultallyourfault—

A crash snaps her out of her self deprecation. It takes her half a second to realize she was the cause of the collision, all her textbooks and notes falling all over the crowded school hallway. She questions if she lost her powers. How did she not see that coming?

“Fuck— I mean— shit— sorry!” She scrambles, trying to find her words, kneeling to attempt to pick up her scattered notes as fellow students step on them with their dirty shoes.

“Don’t be sorry— I was totally zoned out.” You say, kneeling opposite of her, helping her pick up her notes. You glance over her notes, a perfect balance of messy handwriting and color coordination.

Ellie looks up at you, a faint pink blush appears on her pale skin. “You really don’t have to help me.” She says as you hand her a pile of her notes.

“You’re Ellie, right?” You ask.

Oh my god she knows my name sheknowsmynamesheknowsmynamesheknowsmy—

“Yeah. That’s— that’s me.” She says, releasing a breath she was accidentally holding. Ellie tries to hide how completely flustered and embarrassed she is, the hallway suddenly feels ten times louder.

You take a proper look at her for the first time. You’ve only ever seen her from a distance. Her clothes were baggy and haven’t been in style since the 90s, her messy hair pulled into a bun, wired headphones in her ears, who still even has those? The bags under her eyes were so dark you could almost feel how heavy they must be.

You put your hands on her arms gently, guiding her back up to her feet. Ellie was always quick on her feet since she got her powers, but something about the way you were looking at her made her feel unsteady.

“Like, ‘top of the class’ Ellie?” You ask.

She nods, shyly. She wishes she could brag about any of the other cool shit she’s done, but being smart is hopefully enough to impress you.

You direct her to start walking with you so you’re not standing in the middle of the crowded hall. Her ears go red because she’s walking with you.

“Maybe you can help me study sometime. I’m like, totally about to flunk these midterms. My parents will kill me if I get anything less than A’s.” You joke. But it’s kind of not a joke. Your parents mean business and everyone knows that. Your father practically owns half of Manhattan. Ellie read about your extended family once in a history book in the library.

“Uhh— sure— sure, yeah. I can like, tutor you, if you want, if that sounds cool to you—“ She chokes out.

God Ellie— stop talking, stop talking, stop!!!!!!

“It’s chemistry, specifically.” You say, shyly.

Ellie clears her throat, still clutching onto her books like a safety blanket. “I can definitely help you with that.” She says more confidently, not mentioning her literal perfect grade in that subject.

“Perfect, maybe I can get your number and we can schedule something? I can totally pay you to help me by the way.” You say, opening your phone and handing it off to her.

Her hands shake as she tries to type her number into your phone. “Here.” She says, handing it back. “T-text me, yeah. I’m free this weekend. I don’t want your money though, maybe a coffee instead?” Your hands brush as your phone gets passed back.

Goddammit her hands are so soft she’s so pretty and perfect and oh my god she shouldn’t even be seen with a pathetic loser like me

“Alright, fine. Just a coffee. I’ll text you!” You say cheerfully, taking a different turn down the hall.

Ellie stands there, stunned.

—

“Don’t be so delusional,” Jesse says, his eyes focused on the game, hands on the controller tightly. “It’s not a study date. It’s tutoring. She just knows you’re dorky as hell.” He adds, knocking Ellie off her high horse.

“Hey! Be nice.” Dina says from the other couch, working on her homework.

“How can I be normal about it when she’s that pretty?” Ellie jokes, eyes also glued to the TV.

“Girls like that don’t go for nerds. She’s just mooching off you. And she’s definitely not gay, I heard last year she—“

“Don’t.” Ellie and Dina say in unison.

“I’m just trying to protect your feelings!” Jesse says, tossing the controller after another lost round.

“Just tell her you’re Spider Girl and she’ll be all over you.” Dina jokes.

“Right. Like it’s that easy.” Ellie rolls her eyes.

“If the whole school finds out, you’ll actually have a date to homecoming.” Jesse jokes, always pushing the joke too far.

Ellie hits him over the head, not enough to hurt but enough to mess up his hair. “You’re an ass.”

Dina scoffs at her boyfriend. “Keep talking like that and I’ll be Ellie’s date instead.”

“C’mon, you know I love you both. I just want to keep my girls safe.” He says, his tone softening. It’s true, Jesse would do absolutely anything to keep them safe, and he’s half of the brains behind Ellie’s new faster web shooters and stronger web fluid. He stays up late most nights watching the news obsessively, making sure Spider Woman is never reported injured, or worse.

—

You meet Ellie on a sunny fall Saturday afternoon in the park. She looks straight out of a movie, sitting there alone surrounded by textbooks and notes on her picnic blanket. She rearranges the notes for the 5th time, trying to look busy as you arrive.

“Oh— hi!” She says when she spots you. She wants to kick herself immediately for how awkward it sounded coming out of her mouth.

“Helloooo, I brought your coffee, as requested.” You say, handing her drink off to her, she squints at you in the sunlight as she accepts it. She feels a wave of relief now that you’re here, the anticipation was killing her.

Ellie locks into her teacher voice immediately, confidently explaining to you the lesson and the notes she copied for you. Her ease with science helps her not get distracted by the way your hair shines in the golden sunlight.

“I made you these flashcards, I color coordinated them, and drew little pictures to help you remember.” Ellie says bashfully, showing you the cards.

Your face lights up. “You made these for me?” You take the flash cards in your hands, skimming through them.

“Yeah, the drawings help me remember things…” She sounds almost embarrassed as she says it. Ellie can feel her heart racing as she watches you admire the cards.

“This one is cute.” You say, laughing as you hold it up. It’s two molecules with happy faces. Ellie’s face burns, but she cracks a smile at your laughter. You’re laughing at her drawings.

“Focus.” Ellie retorts, trying to spare her embarrassment. She scoots closer accidentally (totally on purpose) and slips back into teacher mode. No more stumbling over her words, she’s comfortable now that she actually knows what to say.

You lay on the blanket, propped up on your elbow. You sip your latte and stare at her, nodding to show her you’re still listening. This closeness is the perfect opportunity for you to really look at her, to analyze every detail. Ellie was charming, in a strange way. Her presence is powerful as she teaches. Her voice is warm… it’s comforting. She smells like cologne and smoke and girly shampoo. Her eyes are so tired. Her iPhone is next to her textbooks, half smashed. You don’t know how she can even see what she texts you. She must be going through something difficult. You’d never ask, though.

“You still listening?” She asks.

“Ah— sorry. I was totally zoned out.”

Ellie feels like she might die. You were just zoned out staring at her. The sight of you all laid out on the blanket looking like an absolute goddess is making her throat dry up. As much as she’s loving every second with you, she’s so nervous that it’s making her stomach hurt.

As torturous as the next hour is, having to pretend she’s fine, she realizes it’s the least amount of time she’s spent thinking about crime or police or violence in the city.

You’re a healthy distraction to her.

—

As the week progresses, Ellie realizes you were a little too much of a distraction.

She’d never admit it, she barely even admits it to herself, but Ellie changed her usual patrol route to keep an eye on you, learning your schedule, your usual places. It’s not spying… just making sure you’re safe. That's what she tells herself at least.

Your routine was the same most days, school, homework and studying at the coffee shop, ballet class, then home for dinner. Ellie totally wasn’t a creep for having this memorized. She just wanted to protect you. Right?

You skipped dinner one night to stay at the dance studio and practice. Ellie watches from a rooftop nearby, she could feel your emotion in your movements. She was completely mesmerized by you, unable to look away. She would stay here all night if she could. She leans closer, watching you float across the floor, completely captivated.

She only snaps out of it once you stop dancing and pack up your bag. As you exit the studio that night, she watches carefully from the rooftops, secretly following you. And thankfully she did, because you were stopped and cornered by two men who were clearly up to no good.

Their body language is predatorial. One man backing you up against the brick wall, the other blocking your escape route, she can’t hear what they’re saying to you but she knows it’s nothing pretty.

She jumps down without a second thought, swinging into the alleyway, she lands gracefully, ready for a fight. Her suit shines in the city street lights, she looks like the picture perfect hero right now.

Her voice is calm, despite the adrenaline coursing through her. “Hey guys, having fun harassing little girls?” She says, standing tall.

“Oh, look who finally decided to show up.” One of the men grumbles, dropping his glass bottle, taking out a knife. The second man grabs you quickly, putting you in a headlock. You try to kick your way out of his grip but he’s got you held tight.

Ellie’s breath hitches, realizing their motives are even worse than she thought. She wants to run at the man with his hands on you, but you’re in the way and God if she ever hurt you by accident she’d never be able to live with herself. She draws her attention back to the man with the knife.

“You’ve been waiting for me? How romantic.” She jokes, shooting her webs at his wrist as he charges towards her with the knife. She snaps his wrist back so tightly he cries out in pain, dropping the knife. She quickly kicks it out of his reach.

With a swift punch to his jaw and a few kicks to the ribs, he’s curled up next to a dumpster, groaning.

What a pussy.

She webs his body in a sticky cocoon to the dumpster so he can’t go anywhere, she almost smiles at the sight. Asshole.

With one threat neutralized, she looks back over to you. Her stomach drops when she sees how red your face has gotten, struggling to breathe in the man’s grip.

“Let go and I’ll go easy on you.” She tries to bribe, her eyes narrowed, voice even deeper than usual. You can see the rage in her eyes through the mask. Tears stream down your face as you try to speak, but you can’t.

He laughs mockingly, grabbing you even tighter, you let out a desperate cry. “You gonna web me up like a bug, little spider girl?”

Ellie’s patience snaps.

“Wrong move.” She says

Now I get to be mean.

Her vision tunnels on him, moving before she can even think. In an absolutely brutal motion, she grabs his head with her webs and slams his skull against the brick wall. The impact is enough for you to escape his grasp, you crawl away, gasping for air. You back up against the opposite wall, trying to decide if you should stay or run.

Ellie gets carried away in a fit of rage, her anger making her completely ruthless. She forces the man to look at her as she grabs him by the hair and hits his head repeatedly against the brick. He cries out pathetically with every hit. The sound of it is sickening. She hates how easily she could let herself fucking kill him.

She finally drops him, webbing him against the wall so he can’t move. Both men are trapped now, she releases a shaky breath and runs over to you. Her heart is still pounding wildly in her chest at the sight of you.

“Are you alright?” She asks, crouching down, assessing you for any injuries.

Tears are still streaming down your face as you reply. “I’m not hurt, just s-scared.” Your voice breaks at the last word.

Ellie wipes a tear off your cheek with a gloved hand. She hates the way that this feels like her fault. “Can I take you home? Or do you want the cops to drive you? I already paged them.” Ellie’s voice is softer now. She forces herself to focus on you instead of the lowlife freaks webbed behind her.

“Don’t leave me.” You say, the words coming out before you can even think about how weak they sound.

Ellie’s heart does a goddamn backflip at the sound of your voice begging her to stay.

“I’m right here. I got you. C’mon, can you stand up for me?” She says.

She keeps a firm grip on your arm and gently helps you back up to your feet. You’re still visibly shaken up and it makes her chest ache.

You tell her your address and she smirks under the mask because duh I’ve been watching you for the last week and of course I know exactly where you live and now I have to stand here and pretend we’re strangers

She shoots a web to the top of the building. “Do you trust me?” She asks, sliding her hand to your waist. Her palm burns at the contact, even through the glove.

“Oh, you’re not serious—“ You actually crack a smile at her crazy suggestion.

“Hold onto me.” She says confidently. Your arms wrap around her shoulders and you hold tightly. It takes all of her willpower to hold herself together at the feeling of it

“It’ll be fun.” She says, lifting you both off the ground, you’re swinging through the air in seconds. “I know a shortcut!” She shouts. Suddenly all the stress and tears are gone, replaced with laughter and adrenaline.

“Oh my god!!!” You shout between fits of laughter as she swings you through the city. She’s focusing harder than ever, your warmth and your laugh is incredibly distracting.

The city lights blur with her speed, she’s hyper aware of every point of contact. Your arms around her neck, your thighs against her hips, your chests pressed together, fuck.

She lands gracefully on your fire escape. “This one?” She asks. She already knows exactly which window is yours.

“Yeah.” You say breathlessly.

“Alright, home safe and sound then…” she says, reluctantly setting you down just outside the window, not wanting the moment to end. She feels so cold without your touch. She turns away from you, about to swing away.

“Wait!—“

She freezes and turns back.

“Who are you?” You ask, there’s so much admiration in your tone it makes her feel sick. She’d be so disappointed if she knew the truth.

“No one special.” She says, jumping off your fire escape and swinging into the night.

—

Ellie loses her gracefulness as she practically falls through her bedroom window, ripping her mask off immediately. The apartment she shares with Joel is as cold and empty as ever.

She kicks off her suit as she walks to the bathroom, turning the shower water as hot as she can handle. Her mind is a cluttered mess.

What if she finds out it’s me?

What if she gets hurt because of me?

She’s too good to even be seen with me.

I should ghost her tomorrow for our study session.

I want to tell her the truth so bad.

Fuck, she’s so pretty.

She scrubs her hands over her face aggressively in the shower, trying to force herself to think of anything but you.

Ellie climbs into bed that night and immediately pulls out her sketchbook, looking down at the (totally not creepy) drawing she did of you laying on the picnic blanket in the park.

She grabs her pencil and starts sketching you in the dance studio, hoping she won’t ever lose that memory.

In the second semester of your junior year, you developed the fattest crush on this girl in your grade. Her name was Abby, and she was a player on your school's varsity soccer team, and a damn good one at that. She was intelligent too, planning to follow in her father's footsteps of going to med-school and becoming a doctor. There was something about her that you couldn't quite resist. With her kind eyes, broad shoulders, and a smile so bright it creased her freckle-adorned cheeks, Abigail Anderson had charmed you, a part of your heart already preparing itself to be carved out and set aside in devotion to her.

So, when Abby asked you out to prom in the spring, you didn't hesitate to say yes, jumping up and squealing in excitement as you threw your arms around her neck.

Prom was perfect, the baby pink color of your long, sequined dress matching Abby's tie. The two of you were practically inseparable for the entire night, exhibiting the behavior of what some would consider "puppy love."

Abby wasn't your only highlight of the night, though. The moment they called your name out for prom princess, your heart filled so full you swore that it would spill out any second. As they placed the glittering sash over your shoulder, you truly felt like a girl at the end of a coming of age movie, like you had finally found where you belonged in the world, and it was here, under flashing lights in the venue of your high school prom, the validating cheers of your peers blaring through the room.

With a gleaming tiara on your head and Abby on your arm, you knew this night would be one that you would remember forever.

That summer, in the blaring heat of a June sun, Abby asked you to be her girlfriend, and just as you had in response to her promposal only a few weeks earlier, you enthusiastically accepted, throwing yourself into her arms.

Between tanning beside glittering swimming pools with your best-friends, getting virgin piña coladas with your mom, and sneaking out with your new girlfriend, you thought you had the best senior summer a girl could ever ask for—and that’s without mentioning the cherry on top: your father gifting you your dream car, a pink Mercedes-Benz. 

So, when it was time to begin your senior year at Jackson High School, you had not even a single doubt in your foolish belief that your senior year would live up to the expectations of your Hollywood-inspired fantasies you had possessed through all of your youth.

With your sexy buff girlfriend by your side and a hot new ride, your year was bound to go perfectly, right?

As you soon discovered, all expectations you had could be totaled up to nothing but the wet dream of a naïve spoiled suburban princess.

Just a few weeks into the first semester, you were driving yourself to school in your 21st century royal carriage, iced coffee in hand and bedazzled sunglasses balanced on your nose, when the shitty Subaru in front of you slammed on their brakes abruptly, causing you to run into them from behind.

"What the fuck?!" the car in front of you stepped out, fury ridden in every crease of their face.

After profusely apologizing to the angry stranger and offering to pay for repairs, you ended up sobbing while attempting to explain what you had gotten yourself into on the phone with your father, who only sighed in disappointment on the other end, “Daddy, it wasn’t my fault, I swear! They were the one who slammed on their brakes in front of me!”

Though you didn’t know yet, this accident only marked the beginning of the most humiliating week of your life.

Graciously, your parents let you stay home from school that day as you grieved your pink Mercedes. Their mercy didn't last for long, though, as they forced you to go back the next day, not allowing you to miss anymore school.

To your dismay, the angle at which your car was impacted left it in no condition to be driven. Since your parents both had work and Abby claimed she had an early morning gym sesh planned, you found yourself riding the infamous Big Cheese to school that morning. You felt so humiliated being a senior and having to ride the bus to school. The pickled odor ruminating through the air combined with the sticky seats left you less than comfortable, to say the least. Some underclassmen boys were play fighting behind you, and one ended up elbowing you in the face. You glared at them offensively, but neither of them offered so much as an apology, just continuing to laugh obnoxiously while sloppily throwing their hands at each other.

You started that day already pissed off, and what made it worse was that Abby had been acting distant. In fact, she had been acting distant ever since the first week of the semester. She had only been replying to all your texts with one-word responses, and she had been avoiding you at school, too. When you texted her regarding her distant behavior, she just replied, "dw abt it, baby."

Safe to say, you were angry, but you didn't know if there was anything you could do about it. After all, you didn't have any reason to suspect her of doing anything wrong.

You were about to fall asleep in study hall when all of a sudden you got a notification from your best friend Dina.

wifey dina <3 - 10:05 AM

"holy shit, did you see cat's story?"

you - 10:05 am

"who the fuck is cat?"

wifey dina <3 - 10:05 AM

"she's like some stoner chick. has tattoos n shit."

wifey dina <3 sent an attachment

Upon clicking on the photo Dina sent you, you audibly gasped. It was a screenshot of an Instagram story, a grainy photo of some girl with black micro bangs (who you presumed was Cat) with her hand wrapped around someone's hickey-littered neck from behind while leaning down and biting their bicep.

It wasn't just anyone's bicep, though. You would recognize those freckled broad shoulders from anywhere, and the dirty blonde baby hairs peaking out from behind the person's ears only confirmed your suspicions.

you - 10:06 AM

"i fucking know that's not abby."

wifey dina <3 - 10:06 AM

"babe, i'm afraid it is.”

“and leah told me that she overheard someone saying that they saw them making out behind the bleachers yesterday after school too.”

You didn't know what to do. You didn’t want to cry in the middle of class, but your tightening throat and the tears blurring your vision didn’t really give you much of a choice. Sure, you had only been dating Abby for a couple of months, but part of you felt like you truly loved her.

Your mind began racing: Is this why Abby has been so avoidant? Is it my fault? Am I not pretty enough? Did I not give her enough attention?

wifey dina <3 - 10:07 AM

“i’m so sorry, doll.”

“you deserve so much better.”

Damn right you did, and after the initial wave of sadness and heartbreak washed over, you were immediately filled with rage.

As the bell rang for lunch, you marched toward the cafeteria with more purpose than a Navy SEAL.

If Abby had no issue with carelessly making this such a public ordeal that you had to find out through a blurry screenshot, then you didn’t have any problem making your confrontation a scene.

Usually, Abby would sit with all her soccer friends, while you would sit with the cheerleading girls.

Today, though, you stomped directly towards Abby’s table, calling out her name angrily as you approached.

When at first she didn’t hear you, you yanked on her shoulder forcefully, shouting her name again to capture her full attention.

“Oh my god—what the fuck, babe?”

“Don’t call me that.”

“What is your problem?”

“My problem is that you think it’s okay to just run around and fuck other girls when you have a girlfriend.”

“You’re seriously accusing me of cheating on you?”

At this point, her entire table was either staring at the two of you or whispering and snickering amongst themselves, but you couldn’t have cared less in the heat of the moment.

“Oh, I’m not accusing you. I know what you did, so don’t even try to lie to me.” You pulled out your phone, shoving the screenshot of Cat’s story in Abby’s face, “Mind telling me what the fuck you’re doing here?”

Abby just scoffed in disbelief, staring at your phone scathingly, as if you would have never caught on if it wasn’t for the stupid, tattletale device in your hand.

She returned her gaze to you, “Babe, I can explain—“

You interrupted her before she could even start, “Abby, please. Don’t try to lie to me. I mean, for fuck’s sake, people are running around saying they saw the two of you making out! There’s no explaining this.”

To you, it didn’t matter what she said at this point. Even if she apologized, the hurt had already been caused.

Abby sighed, defeated, “I think we should just break up.”

“What—?”

“Yeah, if you really feel that way, then I don’t think—“

“No.”

“No?”

“No! You cheated on me. You don’t get to dump me now. I’m the one dumping you.”

Abby raised her eyebrows and smirked as if she just couldn’t take you seriously, “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty sure I’m the one who said that we should break up first.”

Abby’s snarky facial expression combined with the obnoxious snickering of all of her friends made your blood boil. You had never been more pissed off in your life.

"You know what? I fucking can't with you. Don’t try to talk to me ever again. I’ll see you in hell.”

You hoped your dramatic exit would be something iconic or even badass that would stick in Abby’s mind and make her immediately regret ever breaking your heart.

However, as fate would have it, something less ideal occurred. As you walked backward, you bumped into someone, causing you to yelp while falling onto your ass as their black coffee got spilled all over your shirt.

Abby and all her friends began laughing hysterically. At this point, your face must have been flushed completely crimson. Now, whether it was more from anger or embarrassment, you didn’t really know.

Getting back up on your feet, you were fully prepared to berate the moron that let you get drenched and humiliated at the hands of their carelessness, but as you saw the person responsible for your misery, your blood boiled even hotter (if that was still possible), your eyes narrowing in on her scrawny figure.

Ellie fucking Williams.

Well, technically the one who spilled the coffee on you was her idiot best friend, Jesse, not Ellie, but you knew it somehow had to be Ellie’s fault anyways. Why? Because it just fucking had to be, nothing else would make sense. Ellie hated you, and you hated her. It’s just how it was.

If anyone were to ask you when the feud began, you wouldn’t have been able to answer exactly when. Maybe it started in middle school when you spread a rumor that she was a druggie and her dad was a satanic cult leader—or maybe sophomore year when she muttered something about you being a “spoiled, dim-witted, brat” under her breath when you passed her in the hallway, and when you forcefully turned around to quip something back, you tripped onto your face in front of half your school, effectively destroying the heel on your favorite pair of pink pumps and spraining your ankle in the process, all while the little demon laughed at you from behind.

For a while after that incident, nothing else had happened between the two of you. No drama, no rumors, no petty remarks, nothing. It was peaceful, you thought maybe the tension had finally dulled between you both. Well, that was until last November when she sent photos of you drinking at a Halloween party to the principal, almost causing you to lose your position as captain of your school’s varsity cheer team. What business did that stoner have tattling on anyone over substance use, anyway? Well, you didn’t have any way of knowing for sure Ellie was the one who snitched on you; the report was anonymous, of course. But it seemed obvious to you that she was the only one bitter enough to do something so petty with the sole motivation of hurting you and your reputation.

It didn’t even have to be about the trivial dramatics; just the way Ellie presented and carried herself was a mortal sin against everything that you stood for. You were the spoiled princess of poised perfection and cherry flavored lip gloss dressed in rhinestoned true religion jeans and lacey pink baby doll tops, locked in your upper middle-class tower—while she was the fire-breathing, smoke-exhaling, lighter-slinging dragon with dingy black scales and worn wings, adorning silver piercings and black eyeshadow, lurking from outside palace walls as the epitome of a suburban pariah.

Everything about her made your blood boil. It was as if the resentment between you was fated, written in the stars, no matter how horribly cliché it was.

So, naturally, you had to suspect her of scheming on your downfall through even the most insignificant things.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to!“ Jesse scrambled to apologize, but it was too late, rage had already consumed you.

“Do you not fucking pay attention to what you’re doing?”

Ellie decided now was the best time to butt into the conversation, attempting to rescue her friend from the blunt end of your wrath, “Hey, c’mon, dude. Y’know he didn’t mean to.”

You glared at Ellie as if she was the most malevolent creature in the whole world, “Do you really wanna be talking right now, Ellie? I know this is all your doing.”

She laughed at you like you sounded crazy, “What? How is this my doing?”

“Because,” through your anger, you still tried to make sense of all the shit you were spewing, “only you are bitter and spiteful enough to do something so petty just to embarrass me!”

Ellie furrowed her brows at you in disbelief, "How the hell is it my fault that you bumped into Jesse? You’re the one embarrassing yourself, you don't need my help to do so.”

You scoffed, irritated by her audacity, “Listen, if this was any other day, I just might let this go, but you chose the worst possible time to fuck with me."

"Again, I didn't do anything to fuck with you. Get over yourself, princess."

Princess. You fucking hated when she called you that, condescension laced so firmly in her voice that it never failed to leave you feeling thoroughly disrespected and so impossibly small.

You rolled your eyes at her, "Just leave me alone, Ellie."

As you walked away, you internally hoped she didn’t hear the little crack in your voice from your tight throat, warm tears threatening to pour out your eyes.

You slipped into the first bathroom you spotted outside the cafeteria, finding refuge in a quiet stall as you hurled your legs into fetal position. There, you finally let yourself cry.

You weren’t crying over your altercation with Ellie, of course. You weren’t even crying over your break up, really. It was just everything. You were so overwhelmed. For the past few days, it felt as if you weren’t ever able to catch a break, not even for a second. It all just kept on coming, and a girl could only be so strong.

So, when the bell rung, you decided that, after the week you’ve had, you didn’t have it in you anymore to sit in a miserable classroom with a bunch of sweaty kids for an hour while trying and failing to understand whatever shit your math teacher had on the board that day.

Instead of going to class, you slipped out of a side door of the school, concluding all you needed was some fresh air.

"You still pouting, princess?"

You whipped your head around to meet the condescending voice calling at you, only to see Ellie Williams, again.

You huffed, “What do you want, Ellie?”

She looked so smug, sitting there with one leg tucked against her chest and the other lazily stretched out against the ground. She pulled out the blunt gently pressed between her lips, exhaling soft gray smoke into the air.

“Why don’t you come and join me?”

“And do what? Sit there and smoke weed for an hour then walk back into class and pretend people can’t smell the shit on me?”

“Sure, why not? Maybe it would help you chill out for once.”

You crossed your arms in defiance, shocked at her audacity to ask you to smoke with her after the shit she pulled earlier today. 

You could brush her off and say you had better things to do, but you did have a really shitty day. You could use something to relax after everything you’ve been through. Besides, maybe it would help to have someone to rant to.

You quickly glanced around, checking for any cameras or people around that could rat you out, but you didn’t see anything. After all, Ellie did this all the time, and she never got caught.

You huffed defiantly, crossing your arms as you slipped into the space on the concrete staircase beside Ellie.

She handed you the blunt, but you just stared at it dumbly, not fully understanding what she was expecting of you.

Ellie smirked, “You’ve never smoked before, have you?”

You glared at her, “What do you think, Ellie?”

Ellie grinned before taking the blunt back, “All you have to do is press it against your lips and inhale, just like this.”

You stared at her mouth as she demonstrated, thin paper brushing against the soft pads of her rosy pink lips. As she exhaled, the wind carried the smoke through the air, allowing you to breathe in its herbal scent.

Once complete, Ellie turned towards you. She leaned in, placing the blunt in your hand as her hand clasped over yours, guiding the blunt towards your lips.

Your cheeks burned red from the proximity as you took a hit from the joint, maintaining eye contact with her the entire time.

As she pulled the blunt away from your lips, you were immediately thrown into a fit of coughs, all while Ellie laughed at you, clearly finding amusement in your failure.

Once recollecting yourself, you glared at Ellie once more, smacking the tattoo on her forearm, “Hey! Quit laughing at me!”

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry!” Ellie took a deep breath, trying to restrain herself from cracking up again and pissing you off further, “Y’know, don’t feel bad. A lot of people struggle when they first start.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! I mean, I didn’t really. But I’m sure lots of other people do!”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, whatever.”

For a moment, the two of you just sat there, enjoying each other’s silence and the chill breeze of the September air.

Watching Ellie take a hit from the joint, you grew a bit hungry for another.

“Ellie?”

“Mhm?”

“Can I have another hit?” you asked sweetly, your doe eyes pleading to her.

Ellie passed you the blunt back, but not without smirking while doing so. Why did she have to look so god damn smug all the time?

This time you took it much more smoothly, no coughing involved. Ellie even nodded her approval.

In your mellowed state of mind, you became the first to break the silence, “Why did you invite me to smoke with you anyways?”

Ellie shrugged, “I told you, I thought it would help you be not so stuck-up for once.”

You shook your head, “Yeah, but we’ve never really gotten along.” Residing in the calm solitude the two of you shared now, you couldn’t help but laugh at the stupidity of your guys’ past altercations, “I mean, our interaction in the cafeteria today wasn’t exactly friendly.”

“Eh, I saw you and Abby fighting right before. ‘Figured that had to be the reason you were acting so particularly bitchy today.”

You groaned at the mention of your ex-girlfriend’s name, “Ugh, Abby.”

“What happened between the two of you anyways?”

You sighed, annoyance permeating through the tone of your voice, “She cheated on me.”

“Oh my god, that sucks.”

“Yeah, it does, and I had to find out through a fucking Instagram story too. I felt so humiliated.”

“I’m sorry, that’s horrible,” Ellie comforted you as she reached over to her water bottle, twisting off it’s plastic cap. “If you don’t mind me asking, who did she cheat on you with? It’s hard for me to imagine she could’ve done much better than you.”

You knew that she didn’t mean much by the last comment. She said it so casually, but you couldn’t help but feel a bit flustered anyways.

“It’s some girl named Cat,” you answered.

When you looked back at Ellie, she was choking on the sip of water she had just taken.

You placed some gentle blows on her back, trying to help her out.

“Hey, are you okay? Is something wrong?” you asked, concern laced in your voice.

She managed her words through coughs, “Yeah—yeah, I’m fine.”

She coughed a bit more before recollecting herself, finally responding to what you said, “Yeah, Cat isn’t shit. Abby fucked up, for sure.”

The two of you sat there for a while longer, exchanging stories with each other, talking about people from your school, and laughing at each other's stupid jokes.

You didn’t like to admit it, but part of you had started to develop a real understanding of her. She could be really nice when the two of you weren’t dead set on hating the other. At one point, you mentioned that you were hungry, and she gave you a full bag of sour gummy worms. It might’ve just been candy, but that moment had to have been the nicest she’s ever been to you in all your time of knowing her.

Who would’ve known that the two of you could actually really enjoy each other's company? (Even if you had to be a little bit high to do so.)

When the bell that finally cut school out rang, you were surprised. You didn’t think you had been out there with her for that long, but maybe time just seemed to pass by faster when you were hanging out with her.

You groaned as students piled out of the building.

“What’s wrong?” Ellie asked as she threw all her things back into her bag.

“My car’s broken and I don’t want to ride the bus…”

“I could drive you home if you want,” Ellie offered.

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure. Your house can’t be that far away.”

The ride home was quiet, but never awkward. Somehow it didn’t feel weird to be in Ellie’s space, listening to her playlist softly playing from her car’s speakers. It was almost comforting, but the thought of accepting that made you want to throw up.

So, instead, you just stared out the window, trying to force your mind to not think about the humiliation you had endured this week or, arguably worse, the prospect that the girl you had despised since middle wasn’t actually the devil reincarnate you imagined her to be.

After you got home and had finished taking your shower, you laid down in your bed, sinking into the mattress. For the first time that day, you felt like you could finally decompress. But before the silence could give you enough space to reflect on everything, you received a face time call from your best friends Dina and Leah.

“Hey, babe!” Dina exclaimed as you picked up, “Leah wants to know if you can come to this party.”

“Yeah, Jordan’s parents are out of town on some work trip or whatever, so he’s gonna invite a bunch of people over tomorrow night. You should come!”

“Oh, I don’t know…” you hesitated, playing with the hem of your satin pink pajamas. With your break up being so fresh, you didn’t know if going out would be the best idea. Sure, you weren’t going to be alone since you had Dina and Leah, and Jordan was Leah’s long term boyfriend, so it wouldn’t be like you were somewhere unfamiliar. But, still, you couldn’t help but feel like you wouldn’t be able to fully enjoy it.

“C’monnn, it’ll be so fun!” Dina pleaded.

Leah pouted, “You usually love going to parties, what’s wrong?”

“Well, it’s just that since I broke up with Abby—“

“Hold on,” Dina interrupted, “you actually broke up with Abby?”

“Yeah…”

“As you should,” Leah said, “You deserve so much better.”

You chuckled, but there was no amusement in your voice, “I know.”

“We’re always here for you if you need to talk,” Dina reminded you.

“Thank you guys,” you said, smiling softly, truly grateful your friends’ support.

“Don’t even worry about it, girl,” Leah chimed in again, “Abby downgraded anyways. Cat can’t dress for shit and those micro bangs look like she cut them in the dark with craft scissors. Not to mention that she’s Ellie’s ex-girlfriend.”

Your heart dropped, “Cat is Ellie’s ex-girlfriend?” 

“Yeah—you didn’t know? They had, like, a really messy break up last year. Something about Ellie being too obsessive and Cat cheating on her with like some older guy at her job so Ellie stole Cat’s car for revenge on some Grand Theft Auto shit.”

Leah’s eyebrows twisted as she recalled the rest of the story.

“Then she recited this really cringy poem to her English class she apparently wrote about Cat. Somehow the president of Mozambique was involved too, but I don’t remember.” 

“Oh my God—did all that really happen?”

“Yeah!” Leah claimed, “Well that’s just what I heard. I’m sure some of it has to be embellishment of the truth or whatever—But, anyways, yeah. Everybody knows that they used to date.”

You were sure Leah was just regurgitating a bunch of bullshit—you loved her, but Leah was involved in so much shit talking that you began to suspect that her brain had started melting.

Despite that, through Leah’s rambling, you did recall something about Ellie being in love and falling out with another girl in your guys’ grade.

Your heart sunk a little at the thought of Cat’s relationship with Ellie, a feeling settling inside you somewhere between disgust and devastation. You just brushed it off, though, not understanding what it meant and not being able to unpack it even if you did.

“Don’t worry about Abby and Cat,” Dina comforted, “You should still come to the party, it’ll help you get your mind off her.”

“I’m still not sure…”

“C’mon,” Leah pleaded, “We’ll have so much fun, you’ll completely forget all about her!”

You sighed, “Fine.”

“Yes!” Dina grinned.

“Great!” Leah exclaimed, “I’ll probably go to his house first to help set up, then I can go pick you guys up.”

“Alright,” you said, “Dina, is it okay if I go to your house after school tomorrow to get ready?”

“Of course, babe,” Dina agreed.

“Thank you!” Suddenly, you yawned, a wave of exhaustion crashing over you, “I’m getting pretty tired. I’m gonna go to sleep, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

Almost immediately after ending the call, sleep consumed you. Which, in hindsight, you were grateful for, knowing that if you had stayed up any longer, your overthinking would latch onto you and keep you up for the rest of the night.

After getting home from school the next day, you were having second thoughts about the party. You were utterly exhausted, part of you just wanting to lay in your bed and eat ice cream while wallowing in the hollow aftermath of your break up.

Fortunately for you, your best friend Dina was determined to help you escape the claws of your own self-pity. Confident that the perfect antidote for your heartbreak was a night of going out, she was there at your house at 5pm sharp to help you grab your outfit and makeup and take you back to her house to get ready and pregame.

Though you seriously doubted how effective partying would be for curing your sadness, you trusted your best friend. After all, she knew you better than anyone, and you did love getting dolled up and tipsy at some rich stranger’s house after a long week.

After a diligent half hour of makeup and careful outfit deliberation, you stood in front of Dina’s floor length mirror and inspected the figure reflected back at you. You truly felt beautiful, adorning a skintight cheetah print tank top, cleavage on display, with a black mini skirt draping over your hips. The fishnets and black pumps you put on tied your look together. Bright strands of hair tinsel glittered when caught in the lights while the charcoal tightlining of your waterlines allowed the color of your eyes to pop out more than ever before.

“Holy shit, you look hot,” Dina remarked, her voice pulling you out of your own head. You only laughed shyly in response. 

“Abby must be a fucking idiot. She has no idea what she’s missing out on right now.”

Upon glancing over your face, she immediately picked up on the sadness engrained into your features.

“Hey, don’t be sad, okay?” Dina comforted you as she placed her hand on your shoulder, “You deserve way better than Abby anyways. If she’s a cheater, it was never gonna work out anyways. You practically dodged a bullet. You’re hot, funny, hardworking, and actually really good at math.”

Dina softened her voice while kneeling down in front of you, “You’ll find another girl to love, and she’ll never take for granted how lucky she is to have you.”

“Do you really mean that?” you asked, throat tight as tears pooled at the bottom of your eyes, threatening to spill over.

“Of course I do. Besides, we’re gonna have so much fun tonight, you’ll forget Abby even exists,” she brushed your cheek, collecting a rogue tear that had dripped down from your eye on her thumb, “Now cheer up before you mess up your makeup.” She tousled your hair before pulling out her phone, “Leah should be in here like five minutes to pick us up, you ready?”

You nodded, looking back at your reflection one last time, reapplying your favorite cherry-flavored lip-gloss for good luck. You really hoped Dina was right. You didn’t want to think about Abby anymore, and you sure as hell did not want to think about whatever couple shit she could be doing with that Cat girl.

Tonight, you just wanted to have a good time. You wanted to enjoy being young, single, and hot—maybe get a little bit tipsy, and (most importantly) get Abby off of your mind. 

Despite your wishes, it seemed fate had other plans for you.

As soon as you got to the party, Dina and Leah spotted someone they had met at a concert they attended a few weeks ago. Promising them that you would be okay by yourself, you decided to slip away from them to grab a drink while they caught up with their friend. 

Once acquiring your drink, you slipped into the crowd and observed the mass of partiers. To your devastation, in the center of the room stood no other than your ex-girlfriend: Abigail Anderson, shamelessly making out with the same girl she had cheated on you with underneath the party’s violet luminescence with no regard for the presence of other people around. Her tongue was stuck so far down Cat’s throat it was as if she was trying to reach the depths of her soul through her mouth.

You stared at the two of them, disgust rising and settling deep inside your gut.

“They’re so disgusting,” you muttered, not even realizing that you were saying your thoughts out loud.

“Yeah. They make me want to throw up,” a voice next to you sneered. 

You flinched, not expecting another voice to boom so close and unexpectedly near your ear, “What the fuck?!” 

The voice came from no other than Ellie Williams, who paid no mind to your jumpiness as she continued talking shit, “Y’know, never would I ever imagine the two of them together."

You scoffed, piling onto Ellie’s thoughts in agreement, “Yeah, because they don’t look good together. Besides, I don’t understand why they feel the need to practically eat each other alive in front of everybody.” 

“Exactly,” Ellie chuckled, “It’s just gross.”

Silence settled between the two of you for just a second longer than what felt comfortable.

You shifted your feet as you worked up the courage to ask her the question that had been lingering in your mind since last night.

“Ellie?”

She returned her head and her attention back to you, “Yeah?”

“Yesterday, when I told you about what happened between me and Abby,” you paused for a moment, collecting yourself, “Why didn’t you tell me that Cat was your ex-girlfriend?”

You watched the muscles of Ellie’s throat flex and relax slowly as she swallowed, jaw tensing, “We were talking about you, what happened between me and Cat didn’t matter.”

“Oh, okay,” you replied, suddenly shy.

After a moment, Ellie spoke up again, “But, y’know, about that… I can’t help but think…”

“Think what?”

She turned her body fully towards you, engaging eye contact, “Do you really think that they’re just making out in front of everybody because they just find each other so irresistible?”

You furrowed your brows, “What the hell are you trying to imply?” 

Ellie smirked, mischief suddenly creeping across her expression, “I’m saying that they’re obviously trying to make us jealous. Don’t you see it?”

Swishing the drink in your hand absentmindedly, you doubted her theory, “I don’t know, Ellie. What if they just like each other? I doubt they thought about it that deeply.”

Ellie rolled her eyes in response, “You don’t have to believe me, but I’m right.” 

Silence lingered between the two of you as Ellie turned her gaze away from you. As her gentle features got caught in the violet glow reflecting off the silver mirror ball, you couldn’t help but notice that she was actually quite beautiful.

Your eyes locked back onto the couple, who was now grinding on each other to the rhythm of whatever shitty bass-boosted house song was blasting from the speakers.

“They make me fucking sick,” you muttered.

Ellie smirked as your gaze met with hers again, “Well, I’m telling you, they’re just trying to get under our skin, and there’s only one way we can get them back.”

“Now what the actual fuck are you trying to say?”

As she lowered her voice, Ellie leaned in so close that you could feel the warmth in her breath and smell the liquor she had downed ten minutes ago.

“I think you already know what I’m trying to say, princess.”

For a moment, you were stunned, heat rising in your cheeks at the proximity.

Was she seriously trying to imply that you two should kiss in an attempt to get back at Cat and Abby?

As appealing as it sounded to rile Abby up and make her jealous, the idea of kissing Ellie sounded fucking insane to you. She might've comforted you after your break up yesterday, and the two of you might be currently bonding over your exes getting together in a fling that nobody could have ever predicted—but none of that made you forget the years of resentment that had festered between you both until this week.

Besides, she was still a stoned out loser. What would people think of you if they saw you kiss her?

Breaking out of the trance you were in, you shook your head, pushing her off of you, “C’mon, Ellie. That’s fucking crazy and you know it.”

She just shrugged in response, “Maybe, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it anyways."

"If you change your mind, I'll still be here," she practically breathed into your ear, “Just saying, it would really piss Abby off.”

It was true, Abby hated Ellie as much as you did. Well, nearly as much as you did. Ellie made you want to fucking rip your hair out of your scalp and strangle her with it. Well, at least she used to. Everything seemed to be confusing lately.

You brushed Ellie off and made your way through the crowd, finding Leah and Jordan by a wall, cuddling up and laughing. The love that radiated off of them mocked you in your post-breakup state, reminding you of Abby and enraging you all over again.

You stomped up to the couple, “Jordan, why the fuck did you invite Abby?”

“Wait, she’s here?” Leah said, beginning to glance over the crowd.

“I’m so confused,” Jordan said, “Isn’t she your girlfriend? I thought you would want her to be here.”

You rolled your eyes, “Look at what she’s doing right now.”

Jordan scanned the crowd and gasped when he saw Abby, “Is she making out with another girl?”

“Yes,” you groaned, “We’re not together anymore because she’s a fucking cheater.”

As you began to turn away, Leah tugged on your forearm, pulling you back.

“I’m so sorry,” she apologized, “I should’ve told him not to invite her, I had no idea she would even come.”

“It’s okay, Leah. Don’t worry about it. There’s nothing we can do about it now. I’m just pissed.”

Pulling away from her, you continued walking towards the bar.

You downed a cup of suspicious fruit punch and mentally prayed to God that it wasn’t laced with anything other than cheap liquor.

With the bitter taste of alcohol settling in your throat, you leaned back against the wall, your eyes scrutinizing the room of partiers once more.

Sure enough, Abby and Cat were still there in the center of the room, grinding and kissing on one other.

You thought you were fine. You thought you could handle it. Not everything is meant to last and people grow apart and all that other bullshit about letting go.

But then you saw Abby’s hands slide over Cat’s body.

Abby’s fingertips caressed the sensitive muscle of Cat’s abdomen, making her gasp and look back at your ex-girlfriend, the two closing the gap with a messy kiss.

How fucking dare she.

It broke you to see Abby touch another girl with the same hands, the same intensity, the same purpose that she had touched your body with only a week prior.

That was your final straw.

With liquid courage burning through your veins, you thought back to Ellie’s proposition.

Without giving yourself a chance to have second thoughts, you pushed through the crowd.

Sure enough, she was still there in the party, just as she said she would be, now talking to a few other losers that you (quite honestly) didn’t care enough to learn the names of.

All you had to do was call out her name once, and she turned back towards you, your gaze meeting hers immediately.

If you were going to back down, this was your final chance to do so.

But you didn’t back down.

Instead, you wrapped your arms around her neck, pulling her into a warm kiss.

Ellie responded to you immediately, pressing your body into hers through her hold on your hips.

After a few seconds, you were the first to pull away from the kiss, gasping for air. Ellie didn’t seem satisfied with that, though, soon pulling you back in for more, this time much more confident and intense as you both grew more familiar with the other’s body.

Ellie licked across your bottom lip as a request for entrance, to which you accepted, allowing her to deepen the kiss.

Once you both had no other choice but to break away for air, you still held Ellie close, resting your head against her shoulder as you attempted to recollect yourself.

As the adrenaline crash hit you, you began to undergo the full consequences of the shots you took at Dina’s house in combination with whatever shit was in those red solo cups.

Everything sounded like it was underwater. You couldn’t even see the crowds of your peers staring and whispering as everything blurred together in your vision.

Each light was blinding. Each noise was deafening.

Your stomach turned like it was working against its natural movement, trying to force out something you desperately did not want to come out right now.

You leaned against Ellie to prevent yourself from falling over as your limbs shook they would soon stop working entirely.

“Ellie, I don’t feel so good.” you muttered into her ear. “Can you take me home?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just hold on to me.” Ellie agreed, her voice still breathy from the kiss.

She guided you out of the party with her hand on the small of your back. You knew people were talking about you, but you were too dazed from the kiss and your inebriation to care.

Once outside, Ellie unlocked her car and helped you into the passenger seat before walking around and climbing into the driver’s seat.

“Ellieeee?” you drawled out her name.

“Yeah?” she turned towards you, genuine concern in her eyes, “Do you need anything?”

“Can I have your jacket? ‘M so cold.”

Ellie threw her jacket into your lap before turning on the car.

You pulled the leather over your shoulders, immediately finding comfort in the scent of smoke and musky cologne that radiated off her jacket.

Fortunately, Ellie remembered your address from taking you home yesterday, so it didn’t take long for the two of you to take off after settling into the car.

After Ellie started driving, you quickly accustomed to the gentle hum of the car beating against the road, finding comfort in it's rhythm.

Hearing your phone blow up with notifications, you clumsily unlocked your phone. Seeing that all the texts came from your group chat with Dina and Leah, you tapped on your screen to read what they were saying.

In your drunken state, the blue and white hazes from your phone all blended into one, forcing you to have to squint your eyes to make out what the texts said.

leah baby - 11:32 PM

"lol tell me why i just saw cat and abby walking out the party"

"they seemed like they were fighting too"

wifey dina <3 - 11:35 PM

“y/n.”

"where the fuck are you?"

leah baby - 11:36 PM

“omg”

"y/n, why are people saying that you and ellie kissed?"

"What are you looking at?" Ellie asks.

"Oh, my friends are just texting me."

You moved to reply to your concerned friends, but your fingers felt like jelly. Despite it feeling almost impossible to type back a coherent response, you carried through.

you - 11:38 PM

"m oksy guys"

"ellie s takinf me homd"

You shut your phone off and relaxed into your seat, resting your head against the window as you watched Ellie drive, her brow furrowed in focus.

After a minute or two, you finally decided to break the silence, “Ellie?”

“Mhm?” She met your gaze momentarily before returning her eyes to the road.

“What actually happened between you and Cat?” You thought back to your conversation with Leah yesterday, giggling at the absurdity of her story, “Leah said that she cheated on you with some old man and you stole her car or some shit.”

“That did not happen,” Ellie sounded a bit defensive at first, but couldn’t help the smile that adorned her face upon hearing the gentle melody of your soft laughter.

“Then what did happen?” You asked, looking up at her with big doe eyes from your slouched sitting position.

Ellie sighed, "Well, I met her in this art class I was taking sophomore year. I thought she was really cool... and pretty," Ellie let out a short, breathy laughter as she recalled what was now just a distant memory to her. "We had a lot in common, too, so we became friends pretty quickly."

"One day we were chilling in her car listening to Pierce the Veil or whatever shit was on our playlist," Ellie paused like it still hurt her to remember, "Then she leaned in and kissed me."

"Then what happened?" You asked, fully engaged.

"Well, we started dating—and at first it was good, like really good. I mean, she was my first girlfriend since middle school, so it wasn't like I had a lot to compare it to, but still."

Ellie bit her lip for a moment, lost in thought, "Then, I guess she got tired of me. 'Said I was getting too clingy or something, started acting distant... then she cut things off."

"I'm so sorry, Ellie," you said softly, fully sympathizing with her and relating to what she went through through your own break up.

She shook her head, "It's fine. I'm over it now; it just hurts to think about."

You leaned in and placed your hand on her forearm, rubbing circles into her skin in an attempt to comfort her, "Still, nobody deserves to be treated like that."

Your heart felt like it was being squeezed a little as you witnessed the soft smile that graced on Ellie's face. It may have been there for just a second, but that was enough for you.

Ellie cleared her throat as the car came to a stop, "We're here."

You looked out the window and, truth be told, there stood your family's house illuminated under the pale moonlight.

Ellie got out the car and walked over to your side, opening the door for you and helping you get out while holding your hand.

Still inebriated, you had to lean onto Ellie as you walked up towards your house.

"Fuck, Ellie," you giggled, "I left my keys on my nightstand. I'm gonna have to crawl through my window."

Ellie laughed at you, "Are you fucking serious? How do you forget your keys?"

"Oh my God, shut up!" you laughed along with Ellie. "Dina was rushing me out the door, okay?"

"Okay, but now seriously how the fuck are we going to get up to your window?"

"Chill out, I live on the first floor. It's right there."

Once reaching the outside of your bedroom, you leaned against the vinyl panels of your house while staring at the flexing of Ellie's muscles as she pushed open your window.

You climbed through the window first, landing on the floor with a thud due to your drunken lack of coordination.

Ellie followed, climbing into your bedroom next.

"Ellie, what are you doing?" you asked, not expecting her to actually come in.

She fidgeted with her hands, suddenly a bit shy, "I just wanted to make sure that you were going to be okay before I left."

Upon seeing you struggle to get your heels off, Ellie kneeled down and helped you unfasten all the straps, tossing the shoes into a corner of your room once complete.

Stumbling over to your dresser, you pulled out a change of clothes so you could finally get out of your itchy bra and tight clothes.

"Ellie, can you please turn around while I change?" you asked.

"Oh, right—sure! I mean, yeah, of course I can," she spun around, cheeks flushed completely red. You thought it was adorable how easy it was to make her nervous and get her wrapped around your finger.

Sometimes Ellie could seem so tough, her confidence radiating in a way that appeared so effortless to those around her. Underneath her sharp tongue and edgy demeanor, though, she was just an awkward girl that got shy when you went soft on her.

Once slipping out of your party outfit and throwing on the Fleetwood Mac shirt you religiously wore to bed once a week and a striped pair of pajama pants, you told Ellie she could look again.

The alcohol debilitated your senses once more as you stumbled on your way towards your bed, making Ellie rush over and hold your waist as she helped you climb into your sheets.

As you let the comforting familiarity of your mattress embrace you whole, you realized how fucking tired you actually were.

“How about we exchange numbers?” she asked, “That way you can text me if you need anything.”

“Mmmm,” you groaned in exhaustion. “I don’t wanna get up, I’ll just tell you mine.”

You recited your phone number out to her as she diligently tapped it into her phone to save it.

“Ellie?” you called out to her, your voice low and soft as you were actively trying and failing to fight off sleep.

“Yes?”

“I think you’re really sweet.” you confessed.

“Thanks,” her face turned red from your flattery, “I think you’re really drunk right now.”

You hummed, your eyes fluttering shut as you surrendered to sleep, “Thank you for taking care of me.”

“Of course, it’s the right thing to do.”

Before climbing out your window to return to her car, Ellie took a minute to admire you in your unconscious state. She truly believed you looked beautiful like this, curling into yourself as you buried your head deeper into your pillow. You looked more than precious with your soft lashes pressed gently against each other and your pouty lips agape. Ellie wondered if this is what angels looked like in flesh.

She shook her head, breaking herself out of her thoughts. No, she couldn’t think of you in that way.

She forced herself to rip her gaze away from you and instead head back into the night. Regardless, no matter how much she tried to tell herself that any proximity between the two of you was strictly a product of random circumstance and a desire for vengeance, the gross pink thing beating between her ribs argued otherwise.

You woke up the next day with a pounding headache that never ceased, a sour taste in your mouth, and a hot sweat that made your clothes stick to your skin. You covered your eyes with your hands in an attempt to hide from the sun, whose blinding light left black and blue dots permeating your vision.

Groaning, you pulled your phone off your nightstand.

The time on it read 1:52 PM. You didn't think you stayed at the party for that long, so you must have just been so tired after the week you had that you slept for over twelve hours.

The time wasn't what shocked you the most, though. In fact, the part that made your heart sink was the amount of texts that had blown up your inbox over night.

wifey dina <3 - 11:39 PM

“you're in a car with ellie?"

"are you fucking serious, y/n?"

leah baby - 11:42 PM

“holy shit”

"so you actually kissed ellie?"

"wait, but i thought u guys hated each other?"

wifey dina <3 - 11:44 PM

“they do."

"i don't know what she was thinking."

abigail. (cheating asshole) (DO NOT CALL) - 12:05 AM

“what the fuck”

"did you seriously make out with ellie?"

"in front of everybody?"

"are you insane?"

"out of all the fucking people you kiss ellie?"

leah baby sent an attachment - 1:03 AM

leah baby - 1:03 AM

“someone posted a photo of you two kissing on their story”

(###)-###-#### - 8:22 AM

“hey, it’s ellie”

"text me when ur awake"

You threw your phone across the room and rolled onto your side, placing your palms against your forehead as you groaned deep enough that it echoed across your bedroom walls.

What the fuck did you get yourself into?