wayward fandoms

Mentally sobbing after listening to The-Shelf-Aware-Podcast because “we didn’t even kiss” in episode 2 hits so much harder when you remember that the first time they have sex, Ilya never stops touching Shane. He’s constantly aware of him—watching for discomfort when he first enters him, checking in, because after pursuing Shane for years he finally gets to have him. He kisses him deeply, with so much passion with every thrust. Even when they switch positions, Ilya stays impossibly close, kissing Shane’s shoulder and thrusting slow, and fucking loses it later because it’s never felt this good with anybody else, and it honestly drives me insane because it hurts even more is when we get to the Vegas scene watching how distant Ilya is. He barely touches him, just staring with so much anger, want, and hunger. And later, when they finally fuck, it’s rough and relentless, like he’s trying to pound the love he has for Shane out of himself, wishing he didn’t want this (love) forever. And now we all have to die because they didn’t even kiss.