god already forgot me;

x

A look on her face. Oona was poised to feel sheepish or ashamed, briefly worried it had been an embarrassing look, but the feeling slipped away as soon as it crept in on her. He was inspired. That couldn’t be a bad thing. “Spur-of-the-moment curiosity,” she confirmed and picked up the chain of flowers she had started before he approached. “I like those. I’ve been meaning to follow them a little more often myself.” And he was right, none of the boys she grew up with learned a lot of stuff she had. While she had been busy braiding dandelions behind the church, her brother and his friends busied themselves with kicking around a soccer ball. So many things in life had been carefully categorized and purposefully separated. Lately, she wasn’t so sure why. She liked that Sebastian sat down with her despite that pattern.

His next piece of information made her smile. “See, that’s a useful skill. This is why boys should learn traditionally girl stuff more often. I bet you haven’t been button-less a single day since.” She looped her freshly cut daisy in with the others, warm at the memory his question brought up. “My friend’s older sister taught me when I was in grade school. We were all waiting for our parents and, you know, your best friend’s older sister is a goddess to you, so you see her doing something and you basically fall over yourself to do it too.” She shrugged. Oona only had a little brother; she was fiercely jealous of people who had sisters. “Now it’s just something I do. Sitting around, wild flowers nearby, I’m a little bored. I don’t know. Bored habits stick with you.” She glanced over at him. “Do you have any of those?” She cut another daisy, then scooched a bit closer to show Sebastian what to do next. “And are you ready for the next big step? The infamous looping. It’s scared off many a brave flower chain maker, so be warned,” she joked.

-

“Yeah,” he confirmed. He supposed he could have just said that to answer her question but he hated when people misunderstood him. It happened a lot, it seemed, whether it was people misinterpreting his words, mistaking his intentions or making mislead assumptions about his general demeanour, he often felt like what he meant and what he felt was entirely disconnected from what people thought of him. It sucked. 

He nodded his head in agreement, “I had a dinner thing for something at school and my Mom was away- and my Dad- so, my parents are separated, my Dad lives like an hour away- um, anyway- I wanted to wear this specific shirt and when I was getting ready for this dinner, I busted the cuff and yeah, so I had to learn how to fix it pretty quick,” perhaps another boy could have simply picked another shirt to wear but not Sebastian. Had had chosen to wear that specific shirt well before the evening arrived and so that was the shirt he was going to wear. 

“Hm? Um,” he thought about it for a moment, brows furrowed as he considered her question, hoping to give a decent answer or at least one that didn’t bore her to death. “I write stuff sometimes,” was that interesting or just embarrassing? “When I’m bored or thinking a lot,” often those two things came hand in hand. He straightened his spine slightly, trying not to make it obvious that he was checking Oona out when she moved closer to him. “If you think I’m ready for the next big step, I’m ready,” he offered with a smile. She was the expert and with nobody around to judge or make fun of him for it, he was prepared to treat her as such.

x

Oona watched carefully as Sebastian made his first attempt, her gaze shifting from his hands to the look on his face. It was a look of deep concentration, the kind one would apply to math homework or a nerve-wracking text. And here he was applying it to a small flower and a task she’d spend her Sunday mornings after church doing with her friends in the small field out back. Something silly to many people then tossed wayside or out car windows. Oona always hung her creations on an old nail on her bedroom wall. The curse caught her momentarily off guard, though the word itself was common enough among the stablehands she knew, then she winced empathetically in the face of his mangled stem. Oona shook her head.

“Hey, it’s not a problem. Practice makes perfect, right? And I can still use that one to braid, so not all’s lost,” she explained, then moved the daisy back into the pile before her. Leaning over, she pointed higher up on the new stem. “Your hands are bigger, so maybe you could start there instead. Give yourself more room to work with,” she gently suggested. “That could help some.” She pulled back again to watch for a moment, then shifted her eyes back to the next flower still in her own lap. Oona picked it up and sliced the stem. “So have you always been sorta distantly interested in daisy chains or is this more of a spur-of-the-moment curiosity?”

-

Before he spoke, he slowly nodded his head in agreement, watching Oona as if he was waiting for a punchline that never came. The optimism in his life often came with a series of caveats or a limitation of liability clause at the very least when it came from his father. “Okay,” he concurred, taking Oona’s advice in tow as he pierced the stem with his thumbnail, more gently and further up this time, successfully creating an eye he could use. “Uh,” he chuckled softly at the question, more so at Oona’s playful phrasing as he thread the stem of another flower through the hole he had just made, “I was inspired,” he explained, his focus more heavily tethered to his hands than to the words he was saying, “I saw you sitting over here on your own and you had a look on your face,” a soulful bliss that made the already beautiful girl appear somewhat angelic in the shade from the afternoon sun. He admired it, then envied it then eventually decided to investigate it.  “I wanted to know what you were doing,” he continued. 

x

It would be a lie to say that the sensation of eyes on her didn’t have her feeling a tad discomfited, but it didn’t throw her. Not really. Instead, under observation, Oona made the conscious decision to straighten her spine—to not let herself be embarrassed, no matter how long he looked. In fact, she had been so distracted by the flowers in her hand and the instructions she gave herself on a loop in her mind, that when Sebastian actually broke the quiet, scrutinizing moment with a question, she experienced half a second of surprise. Oona paused. “It’s simple, mainly just a lot of looping or braiding,” she explained. “Repetitive, but nice.”

When he took a spot near her, her shoulders relaxed. Can you show me? Well, she couldn’t say no to such a humble request. “Really?” she started, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. The mental image alone was satisfying enough. “I’d love to show you. Here—” She reached for her pile of plucked daisies and handed a few over to Sebastian, then picked one up for herself. “Okay, there are few methods but I think that since we’ve got a beginner on our hands here, we can start with the split stem and loop.” She turner her daisy so the petal side faced her, then used her thumbnail to cut a slit in the bottom half of the stem. Oona angled her hands toward Sebastian so he could see. “Just a simple cut to begin with. You can use your nail. Easy-peasy.”

-

“Right,” whatever the fuck that meant. Did he look like he’d done much looping or braiding? He’d barely let his hair grow longer than the top of his ears since he was six.

He cupped his palms together, his oversized hands providing a comically large platform for the daisy when Oona delivered it to him. He just didn’t want to squish it before he had the opportunity to make something out of it but his caution made him feel like an idiot. “Split stem and loop, got it” he repeated. It sounded like sailing terminology. His father loved to sail, Sebastian thought it was gross. 

He watched Oona carefully, his dark eyes flicking back and forth as he analysed her technique. Perhaps it wasn’t the most intellectually demanding task Sebastian had ever attempted but it didn’t prevent him from dedicating his attention to it with any less fervor. He didn’t want to fuck it up and more importantly, he didn’t want to fuck it up in front of her. “Okay,” he hummed in acknowledgement, it was a fairly simple instruction, one that he was sure he could master at least after a couple of attempts. He dug his thumbnail into the green stem as his tongue met with one of his top molars, a sure sign that he was concentrating but before he could stop it, the stem split in two, providing nowhere for the loop to anchor. “Fuck,” he cursed quietly, without considering that his language might offend his company until it was too late. “Sorry,” she added a moment later, “I um, I split it too much,” he explained, holding his breath to steady himself as he made another attempt, more delicate this time.

Sebastian made no effort to disguise the fact that he was watching Oona with an inquisitive gaze as he approached. A gaze, perhaps, that might have been mistaken for critical due to the way his naturally stony features shifted into a furrowed brow and a purposeful stare. He was silent for a moment or two before he spoke, “How do you do that?” he questioned plainly before sitting down beside the girl, his focus still fixed on the nimble movements performed by her fingertips. 

It always hurt a little to shift his weight onto the lower portions of his legs. He wondered if it would hurt like that forever. Would it heal or would he just get used to the pain? Were those the same thing? Did it matter? 

“Can you show me?” he gestured to the delicate daisy chain she had crafted now, in case there had been any mistaking the fact that he was drawn to the display of artistry, as simple as it might have been to some. He liked the idea of that, in fact. There were so few simplicities in his life, so few opportunities for him to do something just for the sake of doing it, rather than in the pursuit of some goal or other.

●

When Sebastian takes a step towards him, Lukas thinks he’s done it. He’s gonna get what he wants. It’s gonna hurt like a fucking bitch but it would give him that relief that he so desperately craved. The itch would be scratched and he could get some fucking peace. But before it happens, Sebastian doesn’t lift the fist clenched at his side. He doesn’t even move fast enough to inflict any damage. The safest end of the axe tapping against his chest felt like Sebastian had just spit in his fucking face. Of course he didn’t know what was below the axe in that moment, but Lukas did. Combine the memory of razors, knives, and broken glass with the choice words Sebastian picked, Lukas was launched again.

“ Fuck you, man, ” He moved, pushing the axe away from him though he was half tempted to try and yank it from Sebastian’s hands. Given their distance from the camp, Lukas didn’t worry about his volume. Though in his current state, he probably wouldn’t have been able to control his volume if they were still at camp. “ I’m fucking sick, ” He gave an unamused scoff after repeating his words. It was true. He’d been sick for as long as he could remember. Fucked from the started by a chemical imbalance. But that didn’t stop it from sounding like a joke coming from Sebastian. “ If I’m sick then the fuck are you, dude? ” Care for what happened, or what Sebastian thought of him was slipping through his fingers quickly, proven by how he reached out and shoved Sebastian’s chest. “ You tried to kill a dude on the second day here, in fact if no one stepped in, you probably fucking would have. Maybe I’m sick, whatever– what the fuck are you then? You can’t even say you don’t want to, fucking hit me. ” He pushed him again.

-

“Don’t touch me, get your grimy little hands away from me,” Sebastian commanded, though he wasn’t under the foolish belief that Lukas had any intention of actually listening to him that night, he wasn’t that stupid. Still, Lukas was a special breed of human that made Sebastian’s skin crawl even at the best of times. It was the greasy hair, the questionable laundered clothing, the unironed shirts and pants and Lukas wasn’t alone. Sebastian had met plenty of kids just like him and each and every one of them made Sebastian feel like there were filthy mites under his own fingernails. He could vomit. 

“Maybe I’m sick,” he retorted plainly, though he had chosen not to believe it for the past month or so, he’d been battling the idea since the early days on the island. Maybe they were all sick. “Don’t touch me,” he repeated again, more harshly this time as his heart rate picked up once again, his voice like gravel as it ejected from his mouth.

●

Predictable confusion coated Sebastian’s features and then came irritation, not quite anger but it was still enough for Lukas. To keep him on this fucking train that was about to go off the rails instead of jump to safety while he still had a chance. Sebastian’s line of questioning was reasonable, but Lukas hadn’t asked him out here in hopes that the mother fucker could be reasonable. He’d brought him out here for that anger. For that hair trigger. For whatever it was that made this fuckwit shoot first, ask questions later. “ No– dude, it’s not– I’m fucking telling you, I’m not gonna tell anyone. ” He stumbled through his words, irritated himself that Sebastian all of a sudden had reservations about hitting him. “ I don’t give a fuck about the axe, alright? Alright just fucking hit me. ” Was he begging? It was hard to tell because he was angry, but he took a step forward, arms in front of him. Don’t leave him out here, Sebastian. Find some good in your heart to deck this sad Jersey boy before he finds a tall enough tree to take a dive from.

 Then came the accusation that he was getting off on this. “ Jesus– fuck, no. ” Though maybe he should have gone with it. Maybe that would have earned him a hit quicker than whatever the fuck his tactic was right now. Didn’t matter, he was too deep in this shit already. “ This might be hard for you to fucking wrap your tiny pee brain around but not everything is about you. This isn’t about you, ” Yeah, Lukas was all over the place. The desire to feel something was making him act out, behave impulsively. And that was just the tip of the iceberg. Don’t get him started on being on this fucking island. Knowing his family wasn’t fucking looking for him anymore. Knowing the world out there was moving without him. The haunting thought he meant fucking nothing. “ Fucking punch me or hit me or something. ” Anything, just do anything. “ You can’t fucking tell me you haven’t thought about it, so just fucking do it. ”

-

Sebastian truly couldn’t comprehend the situation and he could no longer blame his post-sleep fog for it. He had met guys that had instigated fights even if they had no chance of winning. He had met guys who didn’t even realise they were instigating fights until it was too late. This, however, this was new territory and he couldn’t quite understand what Lukas was getting at but despite his inability to be cognizant of the other boy’s intentions, he knew he didn’t like it. Not one bit. 

He stepped closer to Lukas, a fist clenched at one side, the other hand wrapped so tightly around the handle of the axe that his knuckles practically glowed a ghostly white, even in the dark. He shifted his grip on the weapon, perhaps contemplating striking the other boy for a moment but instead, he nudged Lukas in the chest with the rounded end of the tool, “You’re sick,” he stated sharply, the words laced with venom as they came out of his mouth, each syllable wrapped in barbs.

Sebastian knew that Lukas was sick because although Dr. Brewer hadn’t used the same words, he’d told Sebastian almost the same thing, as soon as the teenager was able to stand upright with the assistance of crutches. That had been the first of their mandated meetings at the Inova Fairfax Hospital just weeks before Sebastian had arrived at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport, ready to board his connecting flight to Hawaii.

●

“ Exactly, best chance we got is surrounding it before it does. ” Lukas continued with his bullshit easily. In his head he was running over how the different ways he’d thought to phrase the favour he wanted to ask of Sebastian. He could say something fucked up, just try and get a punch out of him by being annoying. Or he could be real. Somewhat. Maybe even ask nicely, that’s how desperate he was to fucking feel that pain run through his body. “ That’s if it didn’t hear you and ol’ Mr Canadian Dickhead jerking each other off first. ” He retorted dryly, as he stepped over another tree root. Looking around, he decided they were far enough, and Lukas didn’t want to wait any longer. He slowed to a stop.

“ Doesn’t fucking matter though, ” 

He turned, looking up at Sebastian. God he fucking hated that he had to look up at this mother fucker. It should be illegal for dickheads to be this tall, he thought. Ben Kissel was the only exception. “ None of it fucking matters because I didn’t see the damn pig. ” He admitted, and now he knew he had to work quickly. Because Sebastian no longer had a reason to be here and had every reason to leave. “ I want you to hit me. ” Surprise, Sebastian! “ I know that shit in the jungle was an accident, but I’d bet my life you wanna fucking punch me, ” Especially now, Lukas thought. “ And now you can, and I won’t do shit. ” To prove that point, he dropped the spear to the ground, arms out at his sides, posing as a very easy target. “ I won’t tell any of them. No one’s gotten a good look at my face. I’ll say it looks worse in the sunlight or something. So, just– go for it. ” 

-

If Sebastian didn’t have to be quiet to ensure that the boar wasn’t spooked well before they approached it, he’d have chewed the other boy out for a comment like that. Who the fuck did this kid think he was? He was the one playing tonsil hockey with Dash just days beforehand and now he was making jokes about Sebastian tugging on other dudes dicks? Fuck off, bro.  

“What?” Sebastian asked sharply, stopping in his tracks as if his feet had been glued to the jungle floor. He was certain, for a moment or so that he had misheard the other boy as he shrugged off residual sleepiness but when Lukas continued, he realised there was something else going on. “What the fuck are you talking about?” he growled, already irritated by the combination of Lukas’ voice and the words he was saying, though they barely made any sense to Sebastian. Sure, the syntax was logical, the language was familiar but why was he saying any of this and why was he saying it now? 

“I’m not gonna just fucking hit you bro- what are you- are you trying to fucking trap me? Get all the other guys to put me in a goddamn cage cos I took your stupid axe- it’s not even yours and I took it cos you fucking lost it,” he protested aggressively, anxiety welling inside of him as he tried desperately to understand what he had gotten himself into by following Lukas. “Or are you getting off on this shit?” he asked a moment later, eyes narrowed as he tried to real the other boy but failed, clouded by a lack of empathy.

●

His hand closes into a fist when Sebastian grabbed him, not that he wanted to hit Sebastian, it was just an instant reaction to someone grabbing him like that. He rolled his eyes at the threat. Little did Sebastian know that was pretty fucking close to what he wanted. If he didn’t care so much about privacy, he would have just tea bagged the dude to wake him up and seen what happened. “ Duly noted. ” He retorted sarcastically, pulling his arm back to himself once Sebastian let got, standing and starting to move away from the others.

He’s not sure if it’s adrenaline or panic running through him as they move further away from the group. The reality of his dumbass idea hitting him now that Sebastian was walking behind him like an actual lumbering oaf. “ Sneak up on it, it looked like he was sleeping, ” he started to explain, this entirely fake scenario coming to him easily. Sebastian was easier to lie to than his mom, the dude didn’t fucking know him. “ I figure, one of us on one side, other on the opposite in case it tries to make a run for it. ” In this scenario, they had the advantage of surprising the pig instead of the other way around. “ But, ideally, get it in it’s sleep. Nice and easy. ” He said, looking ahead as they moved deeper into the jungle. They needed to be far enough away from the group that Sebastian couldn’t just leave in a second and tell the group what Lukas had asked of him. “ Hence why I didn’t wake everyone, would’a woken it up before we even got to it. ” 

-

Sebastian nodded his head in agreement, it was about as much of a plan as he would have come up with, if he’d had the knowledge that Tozer apparently did about the beast. “Good chance it’s gonna bounce as soon as it wakes up,” if they gave it the chance to wake up, that was. Admittedly, the closer they moved toward their destination, the sharper Sebastian’s breathing became, the more quickly his heart rate picked up, increasing steadily by the moment. He didn’t want to kill the boar. He wasn’t even sure that he could kill the boar. The only thing he was certain of was that he had to kill the boar. The other boys would crucify him if he didn’t and with good reason, he thought, he would deserve it.

“Yeah, yeah,” he hadn’t really been listening to Tozer’s explanation but he’d heard enough to concur with the other boy. “No doubt your buddy the cotton candy king woulda blabbed anyway, scaring the thing away before we got anywhere near,” if they had any hope of catching the boar asleep, they’d have to gag Dash and leave him tied to a rock, Sebastian was pretty sure.

closed starter: @sebastiansergeant when: day 11, close to midnight where: adam’s camp

tw: fair warning, this whole thread is gonna have a lot of depressing narration for lukas dealing with self harm relapse, please block “self harm tw”, or even this post as a whole if you need to ily 

It’s a stupid fucking idea, Lukas knew that. But he was desperate. The itch had been scratched once, the pain of getting hit in the face had allowed him just a moment of peace. A moment to feel normal, calm even. And now he needed another fix. 

Relapse was bad enough at home, he could be private about it at home. Bandage himself up and pretend nothing had changed. But it wasn’t as much of a choice here. If he bled, the others would know. He had to be more creative than that, and unfortunately, Lukas was smarter than he let on. The idea had come to him in the water. While he’d been splashing water on his face and the others were fighting on shore about something or other. The pain from the pressure of his fingers on his face. That there was someone here that might dislike him enough to actually take an opportunity to hit him, that that person appeared to have a hair trigger, and that he could bundle a further injury with the already forming black eye.

But he had to wait. He had to be smart. He came back to shore, and he waited. Even pretending to go to sleep for a couple hours before he acted on his plan. Sneaking away from a sleeping Dash he crept towards Sebastian, stepping quietly as to not wake the others. Along the way, grabbing one of the hand crafted spears. Holding it away from Gigantor as he crouched down beside him, and shook his shoulder. “ Yo, wake up, ” He whisper-yelled, though the second Sebastian’s eyes opened he held his index finger over his own lips. Universal sign or shut the fuck up. “ I just saw the boar, it’s like, chilling not far from camp. ” He said, explaining his reasoning for waking him, or coming near him in general. “ Come on, ” He said, gesturing for Sebastian to follow him as he got up and started to move away. Fingers crossed Gigantor’s sleepy state would prevent him from asking any questions.

-

Sebastian shuddered awake, the suddenness of Lukas’ approach snapping him out of what had been a relatively peaceful slumber, aside from the whole desert island thing. He grabbed the other boys wrist and gave it a firm tug, his brow furrowing in the process, “Wake me up like I’m in a fucking coma again and I’ll put you in one,” he instructed quietly before wiping the underside of his nose with his forearm and following Lukas’ lead, standing up as quietly as he could and following the other boy to wherever he had apparently seen their arch nemesis boar ‘chilling’ as he had so astutely put it.

Once they were far enough away from the others not to disturb anybody, he sniffed back and spat on the ground, clearing his throat as his mind cleared of its sleep induced fog at the same time. Though his grip on the axe remained unnecessarily and uncomfortably tight, he was more relaxed than he had been when he was first awoken by Tozer. It wasn’t a particularly high bar, admittedly but it was an improvement nonetheless. “You got a gameplan or what?”

●

Sure, Lukas felt like shit. But he wasn’t the sort to apologise. Or really even behave that remorsefully. When people got mad at him all he wanted to do was make it worse. Blame his mother. He did. So when Sebastian, as expected and reasonably, got mad at him, Lukas was quickly full of stupid remarks. “ ‘Cause I asked nicely? ” He replied facetiously, easily falling into the gag of acting as though Sebastian were being unreasonable. 

And then came the lecture. Fucking hell. He looked away so he could roll his eyes. He already felt like shit, the whole you were incompetent to begin with wasn’t really necessary. He looked back to Sebastian, wishing he had the axe just to test the whole cutting off someone’s arm thing. Specifically Sebastian’s. Imaging something gore-y right out of a second rate early 80s horror, cheesy blood spurt and all. He’s just about to open his mouth and say the jungle, because that was kind of the amount of specifics he had to offer about the whole thing, when Sebastian told him not to. If he knew when and where he’d dropped it, he’d just go get it. It wasn’t that fucking simple, Sebastian. “ I remember having it on the island. ” He said, sarcasm dripping from his voice before he continued, exasperated tone to his voice. “ I don’t fucking know, dude, ” Sure, humiliation could be kind of hot sometimes but this wasn’t exactly the scenario he’d dreamed of. “ When we were still looking for the wolf, I don’t think I would’a put it down until we stopped, ” He rubbed lightly at his face, trying to remember when he’d last had it. But even before the shrooms, he’d been rolling so fuck knows. Maybe he just dropped it at some point. Maybe if Sebastian had seen this coming he should have picked it up when Lukas so predictably left it behind.

-

“Very astute,” he responded bluntly, resisting the urge to knock Lukas the fuck out, solely on the basis that despite his ridiculous answer, he might still have some valuable information regarding the whereabouts of the axe left to share. “So it was when we sat down by the mushrooms? Is that what you’re saying?” he tried to filter out of all the sarcasm and bullshit that Lukas had predictably managed to weave into his response to what was supposed to be a fairly simple question. “I don’t remember seeing you with it then,” he admitted but then again, he hadn’t really been paying all that much attention to Lukas, certainly not enough to take inventory of his personal belongings. 

“I was sober, I kind of remember where we were- or what the landing looked like, anyway,” sort of, not really but he was still pretty sure he had a better recollecting than any of the other guys did. “I’m going to to go back and find it- what do you remember? Anything?” he pressed for even the tiniest sliver of information out of the smaller boy, whether it was useful to him or not, he wanted to know everything before he returned to the jungle at his own peril to fix Lukas’ stupid error.

-

sawyer chuckled at the blunt confession, brows jumping. he reserved the comment he was tempted to make about new england-ers and their collective affinity for clams – life on the island finally felt like it was turning around for the better, and not even east coast earl could drag his mood down. “ ten-four, my good man. just means more grub for me. ” 

when he finished tying the sewing thread to the stick, he took a pull-tab from the pile to fasten to the other end. “ well, water’s calm today and it don’t look like that’s gonna change any time soon, ” said sawyer, glancing up at sebastian for a brief moment. “ i think the odds are in our favor. much easier to catch a fish from the ocean than it is to hunt a wolf in the jungle. ”

-

“You’ve got a point,” Sebastian noted, thinking that there were probably entries on the list of thing that were easier than hunting a wolf in the jungle than not.  “-but what are those odds like?” evidently, he still wasn’t convinced that it was going to be a prosperous endeavour, despite Sawyer’s self-proclaimed expertise in angling. “I don’t know how likely they are to come this close to shore but we gotta be careful of poisonous fish,” he spoke, thinking out loud. “At least don’t go into the water without shoes on, if you step on a stone fish or a stargazer, it’s game over. You ever seen those things? They’re incredible,” he allowed himself to gush a little as he folded his arms across his chest. He was genuinely impressed by the work of nature, far more often than he was impressed by the work of his fellows. “You know most poisonous animals are brightly colored, like a poison dart frog- bright blue, bright yellow, even orange and purple- that’s a warning sign. Not these fish though, they lay low and camouflage in the sand. The chance of you spotting one before you step on one is pretty damn slim and we’re definitely not equipped to handle that kind of injury,” there was plenty of toxicity on the island but a sting from a poisonous fish was not within their ability to manage, not by a longshot. 

when: day 11, morning where: the beach @wildshub​

despite yesterday’s unfortunate circumstances, sawyer found himself in high spirits the next morning for one reason and one reason only: fishing.

of course, as a seasoned freshwater fisher, he’d jumped on the suggestion to turn seaward for scavenging the moment jj offered it to ‘em. and it wasn’t just the prospect of food to fill their empty bellies with, either. this – stringing up some bait and and studying the waters for the optimal spots to cast their lines in – was what he was good at. this was one of the few things that made this empty island feel like home. so, there he sat in the sand with the other boys who’d elected to stay behind, tying leftover sewing thread to some sticks and blabbering on about the different kinds of fish he’d caught back home.

“ – and i hate to say it, ” said sawyer, pulling the thread taut, “ but the best salmon i ever caught was near the canadian border. you ever had cedar plank salmon from the rivers’a montanada ? ‘cause that shit’ll damn near knock your socks straight off, i know that much. ”

-

If Sebastian hadn’t had a headache before, there was no chance in fresh hell that he wasn’t going to have one within the next minute or so if Sawyer insisted on continuing at the same accelerated pace, jamming just about as many words as he knew into every sentence that came out of his mouth. “I don’t eat fish,” he provided rather obtusely, as much to say that no, he hadn’t ever eaten cedar pink whatever the fuck Texas was going on about. “What the hell is Montanada, that’s not a real place,” he insisted, though it could well have been for all he knew. Anywhere that didn’t claim a coast was pretty foreign to him, though he’d hesitate to admit that. “Oh, it’s a portmanteau, I get it,” he realised a moment later.

“Since you’re the expert, you actually think anybody’s gotta chance of catching anything out here?” he questioned curiously. He hadn’t deemed the whole venture totally useless just yet but he also wasn’t all that confident in it either.

open starter: @wildshub​ when: day 10, evening where: adams camp

What a fucking day, huh. After the group managed to carry Liam and Dash back to camp and as those far more skilled than him went about starting first aid, Lukas had retreated to the shore. Trying to use the cold salt water to soothe all the fucking shit coursing through him. A nasty come down, a violently queasy stomach, and not to mention washing Dash’s blood from his hands. He couldn’t quite get all of it off, but he got enough that his heart didn’t start racing every time he looked down. Back at camp he’d slyly palmed Dash one of the pills from his pocket and taken one for himself too, no longer caring what effects Xanax on an empty stomach would bring. Not that long after he’d curled up on the edge of camp, away from the rest to wallow in self pity and even fell into a little afternoon depression nap.

By the time he found the motivation to move again the sun had already gone down. The fire and the moon being the only things providing light to their little group. Feeling a need to do something so he didn’t just lie down until the sweet embrace of death finally took him, he looked around for his axe, inspired to cut some firewood or something. But after a few moments of looking, a realisation occurred. He’d definitely taken it out into the jungle that morning. A weapon for the wolf hunt, but it seemed he hadn’t returned with it. He looked for a bit longer, desperately praying he’d just left it somewhere at camp, but he knew it wasn’t true, he knew he didn’t do that, he knew he’d dropped it somewhere out in the jungle. Between the MDMA, the shrooms, and then finally the boar attack on Dash and Liam, he’d definitely just fucking left it somewhere. Fuck.

Eventually he gave up the search, he knew where the axe was. Not exactly. Shit, he couldn’t even tell you where in the jungle they’d been all day, but he knew he hadn’t brought it back with him. Turning to the group, he felt nervous to address them for the first time, knowing that this was probably not gonna end well. “ Okay, uh– confession time. ” He addressed the group, clapping his hands together. “ But y’all gotta promise not to be mad at me. ” He joked weakly, knowing full well that wasn’t gonna fuckin’ happen but not being able to be serious not even for a second. “ I don’t know where the axe is. ” He confessed, feeling all sorts of shit and not just from the come down. His hand lifted, rubbing at the back of his neck in an act of self soothing. “ Well– I’m guessing I, uh, dropped it out there. But point is, I don’t have it. So … yeah. ” A graceful end to a confession that probably put him at the top of the sacrifice list if they were turning to cannibalism any time soon.

-

“For what fucking reason did you think that would not make me mad at you?” Sebastian questioned, though whether it was rhetorical or something he genuinely felt compelled to know was difficult to decipher. “You remember when I said I didn’t trust you with that shit?” actually, that had been a comment about the makeshift shiv Lukas had crafted out of a soda can but regardless, the sentiment remained, “This is pretty much exactly why I said that, almost to a fucking tee. That and the pretty visceral vision I had of you cutting somebody’s goddamn arm off with it. This is why I said that,” he reiterated with a grunt of frustration. He knew that Lukas was incapable of being responsible for anything, he fucking knew it and if he’d acted on it, they wouldn’t be without the axe now. He had himself to blame as much as anybody else, Lukas included. 

He sighed, running his hand through his hair as he regained his composure, straightening his spine and squaring his tensed shoulders a moment later, “You don’t know where it is but do you know when you lost it? When is the last time you remember having it in your hand? Be specific, don’t just say ‘the jungle’ I really don’t have the patience right now,” 

oh. well. now kian felt like an arse for making fun of sebastian’s gay dads and their deaf cat. it didn’t change his opinion of sebastian – he was still, in kian’s eyes, a supreme tosser with a superiority complex – but he did ease up on the whole ‘creepy weirdo who slaughters animals’ bit. “ i’ve got a rabbit. called georgia. ” he scratched his neck. “ she’s got lopsided ears. ”

now that he mentioned it, kian felt a bit like a rabbit right now: in other words, total wolf food. they were gonna need more than faith, trust, and a little pixie dust to pull this thing off without one of them getting mortally wounded by a wild animal. “ right. so what’s your weapon of choice then, steve irwin ? ” kian examined his rock spear; it was…kind of flatter. that was a promising sign, right ? “ your bare hands ? ” 

-

“That’s cute,” he offered and it was cute to think of a little rabbit with lopsided ears, even if it was kind of weird that that was Kian’s pet of choice. He sort of hoped it belonged to his sister or his parents or was the result of them having to live in a small apartment or something cos otherwise, it seemed kind of pointless to him. “Why Georgia?” he hadn’t thought of the fact that the name had meaning outside of the Southern state that made Sebastian’s nose instinctively upturn.

-

“ really ? ” that took kian by surprise. he had no problem being a dickhead to people but animals were where he crossed the line – what kind of queen elizabeth shit was that ? “ i mean no offense by it, but you look like the sort to squeeze cats for fun. ”

he paused his rock-smashing to glance over the rest of the group. blue was putting…fish dung on his eyes and callum busied himself with sharpening a random stick he found. “ you want my opinion ? ” that was rhetorical, mind, because kian was going to give it anyway. “ i think our work is cut out for us. ”

-

He was pretty sure it was impossible not to be just the slightest bit irked that the thought had even crossed Kian’s mind but he decided it wasn’t worth voicing, “Just goes to show that we don’t know each other at all, huh?” he mused thoughtfully. He knew the image he projected to others wasn’t a good one, even before he opened his mouth, people were often wary of him, purely based on his size and demeanor. He’d used it as a defence mechanism for many years and it had also gotten him into trouble he didn’t think he’d earned. “My Dad and his partner have a cat called Monty, she’s deaf,” he offered the anecdote for no real reason at all. He hoped he didn’t need to say that he’d never squeezed Monty for a laugh but it was implied at the very least.

-

“ my mum’s buddhist and my dad’s from newcastle. ” upon remembering he was speaking with an american, kian amended: “ so, no. ” did he look like he hunted ? he didn’t know why sebastian was asking him that question and not, say, the yokel from montana, but it didn’t seem like a very productive way to plan for an ambush to him. “ have you been ? perhaps you can take one for the team, then. you know: the pack. ”

-

He didn’t know exactly where Newcastle was but he’d read enough about Buddhist beliefs and values to know that slaughtering animals was pretty taboo. Sebastian laughed rather humorlessly at Kian’s suggestion, “No way, bro,” he insisted, shaking his head, “I love animals and I’ve never even touched a gun in real life before,” let alone shot a gun or killed an innocent creature with one. “I’m just hoping one of us has some kind of idea what he’s doing before we go in there shouting and waving our big sticks,”