The Zenith of the Colossus

my chest has felt heavy since we started talking. like someone is reaching between my rib cage and squeezing my heart with their fist. it thumps so hard when i think about you and then i enter a day dream. i'm in a cloud of visions of you and the moments we could have together. the uncertainty of the future makes my mind ripple out into all these possibilities and what ifs. i've been having a hard time focusing on anything else or coming back to earth. there's an aching longing i feel to be close to you which causes me to drift. we've become so close but you're still so far away. we are tethered by a cord through time and space using all of our strength to bring us closer to the center.

The desire to be close to you, kiss you, and become entangled, weighs so heavy on my chest. A crushing longing and fear of distance pulling us apart. Our spirits are so strongly connected and I never thought I’d feel like this with someone ever again. It is the most valuable and important thing to me, something I’ve always wanted, and I wish I could nourish it more than we can. I feel myself falling, falling hard and fast, and I’m trying to hold on for dear life. I’m really scared, but my feelings for you are so strong and I have sight of a potentially beautiful future. I know you feel the same, I keep telling myself anything is possible and to keep hope. I start to succumb to my anxiety and my doubt fearing the worst, and during our silence I often wonder if you’re thinking of me too. Then we talk and you’re sweetness and reassurance comforts me that we’re on the same page and heading in the right direction, but it’s too soon see consistency. There’s so many things I want to say and tell you that I’m holding back until the right time, until I can see you. All I can do is trust you’re genuine, and you have given me enough reason to see what’s around the next bend despite the challenges. But it doesn’t make my heart ache any less because of the uncertainty. Especially because I already know what this is and how I feel about you. I love you. I’m trying to stay calm because that’s what you need right now. This will be a true test and I hope we pass.