Searching

He walked up to where the entire Mane family was standing and praying. Azure glanced up and looked up when she heard his voice, and just smiled. Hazel broke the circle, and headed his way. Her mind kept replaying the conversation she had with her girls to rough Selena up, and all she could think about was this being her fault. She grabbed Zeus’ arm and led him to a stairway.

“I just got the news, the boys ready.”

The demon deep rooted in Zeus was ready to go on a killing spree. There were countless times when Mama Mane fed, clothed, and even whooped his ass when he needed her to. That was his mama, and when things blew up with AZ she never stopped loving him. The person responsible was going to have to pay for this.

“Zeus just calm down.”

Hazel said hoping he’d realize anybody could be listening.

“Calm down? Fuck you talkin bout calm down. Dukes place just got shot up, and she up in here!”

Hazel realized he didn’t know the full news.

“She didn’t make it out the ambulance.”

A tear rolled down her face.

Zeus ceased to breath as everything around him seemed to stop. It struck his core, his foundation, his heart aggressively. The enemy took something from him once again. It was like deja vu, because this feeling wasn’t new.

Zeus’ real mother, Veronica was robbed and killed when he was fifteen. His world changed and he started to view the world different. It wasn’t until he had his daughter did he start to realize that love could exist for him, and that he had to keep the ones he loved safe, and he failed.

“What you mean?”

He was finally able to mutter some words that were coupled by tears.

“It was my fault.”

Hazel wasn’t making any sense to Zeus.

“I had my girls rough up Selena Santos, because she slept with Roman. This was her get back.”

Tears were flushing down Hazel’s face, because now it finally felt real and it hurt like a bitch. This was her doing.

Zeus on the other hand was still stuck on mama Neal dying, and then for her to throw on him that she was the cause fucked with his temper, but the only thing that saved her was the fact that she was crying.

“I hope that sits witcha dumb ass for the rest of your life. You go and do some dumb shit like that knowing everything that’s going on, are you fucking kidding me.”

He wanted to slapped the hell out of her.

“I guess she fucking missed.”

Zeus slung the door open and walked back out. There was so much going on in his head, but then he seen Azure and knew that she needed to be consoled rather than brought up on game. All she needed from him was a hug, and he wrapped his colossal arms around her.

PRESENT

Brooklyn was finally back home, and Zeus was able to spend time with her. His daughter gave him purpose, and kept him on the right track. He was off probation, and was finally able to start doing more for his family. It was like every other day he was either with his daughter, Azure, or the both of them. He was at the park with his daughter, and a few of her cousins enjoying the nice Harlem day.

After a few minutes passed a Irish Man walked over and sat next to him.

“She looks just like you.”

“I aint know you were making a stop by Vic.”

He said, keeping an eye on his daughter the entire time.

“I have to plan visits to see my family.”

“You have in the past.”

Vic was Zeus’ street pops, the one that taught him everything that he knew about the drug world, and how to survive in it. With his mom’s house getting shot up, and with it being Vic, Zeus knew he knew the real reason behind it.

“Well, times are different and I hear there’s been a war started with us, because of your right hand. Now, I hear Hazel fled before she could beg for forgiveness, so in return to end things with the Santos we handled her. Azure won’t be expecting to hear from her, so I hope she stops calling, because I would really hate to have to handle her to. As for you my son, the only reason why I’m not going to off you now is because I would hate for Brooklyn to have to grow up daddyless. Going forward the war is over, and you’re out. I’m doing this for her good, because they wanted your head too for the restaurant fiasco, but people like me and my bloodline runs deep in this business. Enjoy your day.”

Vic stood up and walked away. The threat clenched tight against his throat, and didn’t release him until Vic got up. The old him would have handled him, but he did have BK to look after. Nobody ever left the life unscathed, and that was a blessing all in itself.

“Let’s go get some food y’all.”

She was in disbelief. The purpose of her mother coming to New York was to takeover, and spread the Santos name like wildfire. Unfortunately, it was Selena thats was creating a name for their family in the north. It tickled her to know that her mother thought she had the power to bench her.

“Papa agreed to it. This last hit was personal, not strategic.” Her mother looked down at her with disappointment in her eyes.

“Eres una decepción.”

Venom dripped off each letter of each word. She was shocked that her mother, Gabriella, got into her father’s head. She had to go talk to him, and get him to see the truth. She began gathering her things.

“There’s no need. This decision is final.”

“No, I won’t allow you to turn another family member against me. First it was Sophia and now Dad. I’ve done nothing, but try to be a good daughter to you.”

Pent up emotions from childhood trauma were starting to erupt, and it wasn’t anything that was planned. Feeling as if her father never considered her side of things stirred up those emotions.

Yes, Sophia is a drug addict, but not being able to see her in the hospital was all her mother’s doing. She despised the sisterhood they had, and never understood why. Selena always thought it was because she was her parents first child, and when she came around her papa started loving on her more. He loved the idea of being a father.

“Your sister’s a crackhead.”

Selena shifted around, and slapped fire out of her. She wouldn’t allow anybody to speak ill of her baby sister. Gabrella gasped and held the left side of her face in shock, not believing that the little girl she carried would ever strike her.

Sophia was a soft spot for Selena for a number of reasons. That was her baby sister, only sister, and growing up she really was the protector of the two. There were numerous nights when they had to rely on each other to make it to the next day. Their childhood was rough but they had each other, so when the last time they spoke and Sophia stabbed their bond it messed Selena up. Sister’s fought, but that was different.

However, it was embedded in her to protect and she always would.

“I’m done with you.”

Selena walked to the front door and opened it for her mother, so she could exit.

Present Day

Sophia was completely clean, and was blessed to finally be out of rehab. It was a long journey, but being able to finally say she was sober felt good. The first couple of weeks she stayed at her mom’s place, and slept in. Her body needed to fully rest, and when she finally woke up she didn’t do it willingly.

She’d been talking to Selena via phone, because she refused to come over to her mother’s house to see her. Their fight crumbled the unspoken treaty of peace between the two of them. They had their own battles between them that she would never speak on, because it wasn’t her place. However, getting physical was one thing that wasn’t going to be tolerated.

Sophia sat on her side of the table and sipped on her water as she waited for Selena. They were meeting at a place in the city called Cantina Rooftop. She was apprehensive to see her big sister not only because of their situation, but because she knew how Selena operated. At times Selena only saw tunnel vision, and it took the extreme for her to see your point of view.

“Mi vida!!”

Selena screamed out in joy when she finally laid eyes on her sister. The two of them embraced each other like it had been five decades since the last they seen each other.

“You look good.” Selena stood back and smiled.

“Me?!” Sophia chuckled. “You’re this new model now, and all over the internet.

The two of them giggled and just smiled at each other. For a tiny moment it was like everything else deceased to matter, and the love they had for each other infiltrated the air.

“How are you?” Selena asked once they took their seats.

“I’m good.” Sophia smiled and relaxed.

“No like really, this is us talking.”

Selena wanted the raw truth. Sophia never had to give her the fluff, her mind needed to devour only the truth.

“Today…well this morning I would have to say was a little tough, and then waiting up here for you was really tempting me to fall right back off the cliff, but I’m going to a meeting after this, plus seeing you soothed things.”

Sophia didn’t want her to worry. She knew that rejoining the world was going to be tough, and that she was going to be hit with triggers all the time. It was up to her if she was going to lose sight of things, and she promised herself that she wasn’t. She was going to always do her steps when the situation got sticky.

“I’m happy to hear that at least.” Selena smiled softly.

“I’m sorry I put you through that, and that I allowed the addiction, my addiction, to attack our bond.”

“I’ve forgiven you.”

“It was a rough time for me. I was at my lowest then, and nobody around me knew anything. The day before I went on that binge I had a miscarriage, didn’t even know I was pregnant. With everything that was going on I knew that bringing a baby into this world was wrong, but that was the last thing I had of Robby. It just was a lot.”

Sophia picked up her napkin, and dabbed her face. Crying, or even saying what she did wasn’t planned. She did it, because she knew that in order for Selena to believe that she had a handle on this sickness Sophia had to be unapologetically honest.

“I had no idea you were going through that. I know how much being a mom and the whole all american family thing meant to you.” Selena reached over and grabbed her hand.

“My family is what helped me all this way, so I want to see everybody just enjoying each other’s space. I love you down, but you hit her.”

Selena knew baby girl was going to bring up the incident, because she was closest to their mother. It was a topic she rather not, but it was needed.

“I know…”

“Then why haven’t you apologized yet?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Then make it simple. That’s your mother, and you’re her daughter. At the end of the day who has been their more than not?”

“Mom.”

“So stop acting as if you can’t go deep down into your soul, and ditch the pride for compassion.”

Selena glared at her sister with a smirk on her face.

“Those therapist really got you thinking you know some shit, huh?”

The two of them laughed.

“You know I’m right.”

Sophia opened up the menu, and looked at the options.

“I’ll cook on Sunday and I’ll invite you guys over.”

“Please just don’t make none of that healthy shit you models eat. I’m tryna get stacked like you.”

                                   FRIDAY, THE DAY BEFORE

“Has she called?” Zeus asked as he brought more supplies for the grill.

“Nope.” Azure continued to put drinks in the cooler.  

The death of her mother hit Azure harder than she could ever imagine. That night was supposed to be filled with laughter and joy. That moment was taken from them when randoms mistook their house for somebody else’s, at least that was what the police was telling them. She didn’t believe it for one second but didn’t have the strength to go searching for another ending.  Dealing with the passing of her mother was a singular situation that needed her full attention, and that almost caused her to end her life. Thankfully Zeus showed up when he did, or she wouldn’t be where she was at to today.

Thought of it only being her only saddened her some more though. After the funeral, Hazel claimed she couldn’t stay in NY anymore and needed to go start somewhere fresh. Azure let her live her best life, and deal with her grief the most effective way that she knew. However, Azure wasn’t has disconnected from the streets as everyone liked to think. She didn’t have concrete evidence, but it just seemed strange that she’d leave her here alone to deal with everything since the three of them were close.

“It’s only three. I’m sure you’ll hear from her by the end of the day.” He walked over and gave her a hug before going back into the house.

Zeus found it hard to be around Azure knowing that the cause for her mother’s death was his street antics. It was a revenge kill that had him ready to go on a rampage, but a powerful connect stopped him and pulled strings to get the war to end. Each day he woke up wanting to start the war back up but respected Wes too much. He was just going to have to carry the burden of knowing the truth about the drive by.

It didn’t make him feel any better that hazel left, because she knew he had a hand to play in everything. Zeus hadn’t talked to her in months and knew that the silence was more than likely permanent. It only made it easier for him to cut off Roman. He was currently serving 20 to life in prison because he took the blame for everything. It was a genuine gesture to clean the slate, but Zeus could never forgive him for what he did.

“It’s open!” He yelled out to the front door after a knock was heard.

The door opened, and on the other side was Sol, Azure’s half-brother. The two of them hadn’t talked in a long time, and she was surprised to see him walking into her home. He’d gotten big, and was looking more like their father. The relationship between Azure and her father nonexistent. In her eyes, he ditched their mother for a come up, because Sol’s mom was born into money, but loved herself a bad boy. With all that baggage Azure still showed her siblings nothing but love.

“What are you doing here?” She almost ran over to him to give him a tight hug.

“Here to see you.” He chuckled and squeezed her curvy frame tight.

“How did you even know where to find me?”

“Your sperm donor.” He said with disgust.

“Oh lord, what’s up with yall two?” She knew that her baby brother and father were practically the same people, which meant they bumped heads constantly.

“We got into it, because I told him I wanted to move here with you, and he tried to stop me. I’m twenty, about to turn twenty-one next week, so I’m grown enough to make these decisions.”

Azure and Zeus both laughed at him. He was talking like an immature twenty-year-old that thinks he has it all figured out.

“And where are you going to stay?” She looked at him with a smirk on her face anticipating his answer.

“With you.” He put on his widest smile trying to be cute.

“Mhm, I guess but this isn’t a party house and don’t be having a bunch of niggas in and out my door.”

“I’m not even a hoe like that anymore.” He laughed because they both knew he was still wild. “I'm bringing my bags in.” He was excited that she was ok with this big life decision he was making.

“Ya hands about to be full with him.” Zeus chuckled.

“It will be good for me.” She smiled, loving the idea that she wasn’t going to be in this house alone anymore.

                                       BACK TO THE SESSION

“Sounds like things started off to a good start.”

“It did, and the rest of the event went amazing. I think that’s why today my heart isn’t as heavy as I thought it would be. I don’t feel alone anymore.” She smiled as her eyes got watery.

“Remember, we can’t get being lonely and being alone mixed up. You’ve always had people around, like Zeus, so you were never alone. Alone is a physical state. Do you still feel lonely?”

Azure took a deep breath. “I mean how can I not.” She picked a tissue up. “The two people I’ve been going through life with left me at the same time. My sister, like always, thought of herself and dipped. There wasn’t even an invite. Maybe I could deal with this on my own. Did that ever cross her mind? Then my mother passed…”

“Don’t do that. Call a thing a thing. Your house was gunned down, and a bullet hit your mother.” She looked Azure in her saddened eyes because she needed to accept the facts for the facts.

“And that’s what I can’t get over because that right there seems like a bad dream to me.” She patted her face dry.

“Azure it’s time you wake up, and accept reality for what it is, so you can truly see that the ones that are around want to help you, and will be around when you’re ready to take in their love.” Mrs. Charles held her hand and smiled at her.

                                                    8:45 PM

“I’m coming.” Azure walked down the steps with a silk pink robe tied around her body. She really hoped this wasn’t Sol talking about he forgot his keys again. “Ohh, what’s up?” She looked up and it was Saint.

“I came by to see you. I know I didn’t pop up yesterday.” Saint smiled down at Azure. He missed her more than he thought he ever could. With yesterday being the one month anniversary he wanted to be here for her, but he was in Washington fighting for custody of his daughter. When he revealed to Cassi that he didn’t want to be with her anymore she held the baby from him. So now he was doing what needed to be done, but right now the focus was Azure.

“It’s all good. Come in.” She stepped aside for him to enter. AZ knew all about the baby at this point, so she kept her distance factoring everything that she was dealing with. The two of them hadn’t even discussed what happened that night. “Want something to drink?” She headed towards the kitchen.

“I’m good with water.” He followed.

“Since when?” She chuckled, looking back at him.

“I’m chilling on alcohol right now.” He leaned on the island and watched her. “What’s been up with you?”

As she talked he looked at her move around the kitchen. Just being in her presence he wanted to devour every inch of her body. It had been months since he got a nut, and seeing Azure’s body wrapped in that robe got his blood heating up.

“I miss you.” He cut her off and walked over towards her. “I know we haven’t talked about that night, but I think we both want the same thing.” He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her on top of the counter and begun kissing her neck.

“Saaaaint, wait.” She moaned out his nameThe last time they fucked was the last time she got any, and he spoke facts. Azure wanted him.