Involutionist

Love.

LAST DAY

**cue “In the middle of this nowhere - Hammock”

Today was my last day in Canada, I spent it hanging out with my family at home in London for the first time since Christmas. Having breakfast, going out for coffee, driving around running errands together. I’ll miss them so much it already hurts. This place is my everything. I should be going to bed so I can get at least a couple hours of sleep but I feel the need to put my feelings into words.

There’s a park here in between my mom and dads homes that I used to walk through growing up. Tonight’s walk was significant. It hit me all at once, all of the sudden It was real. I felt overwhelmed with feelings knowing that everything was about to change. Fear was the best part, I don’t know what’s to come, I don’t know who I’m going to meet, I don’t know what I’m going to experience and what I’m going to learn. I couldn’t stop staring at the stars, they seemed brighter than I remember them ever being. The feeling wasn’t foreign to me, I’ve experienced it similarly prior to past adventures but this time the feeling was heavier. I read an article about how tonight holds the most powerful solar eclipse, shifting our electromagnetic field so that the energy resonates with the new frequencies of the universe. Leaving us in a transformational energy phase so that we can enter a new, cosmically charged, higher dimension.

SHARE WISDOM

Something very important that I've learned & have come to re-learn over the years is that when all else fails & even when I've failed myself, Dance will always be there for me. So I hold it close to my heart. This goes for all passions/artistic practices really, It can even be multiple things I'm just using dance as an example for my case specifically. Whatever it is that you absolutely love, that keeps you inspired, takes you places, connects you with the right people & demands growth. Invest in it, invest everything you have towards it & keep doing so. Whether that means going to school, taking classes, traveling to learn from specific people or just dedicating more time to practise.

It's something that no one in the world can take from you. So I urge you to take the leap of faith and pursuit it, to learn more about yourself along the way, to become who it demands you to become, to be bold & go wherever it demands you go. Even if you can't possibly see a career or future within it. All you need is the open hearted desire to grow & that is what will take you a long way. That desire is something that comes from within & can't really be taught. All I know is that it's a human trait burried in all of us, it comes from experience, it comes from love. Once you've found the courage to take that leap of faith, the universe will guide you the rest of the way. Usually through signs or an internal gut feeling that I still can't explain, you'll just know.

THE DEPARTURE.

“You should always be smiling”

Because that’s what sold me on you, I remember it coming out of nowhere & lighting up the entire world around me, that’s what made me so infatuated by you, that’s what made me want to get to know you better & slowly grow to admire every single thing about you. 

Because that’s what made me miss you when I was gone, because I’m sitting here long after this has all passed & long after we’ve last spoken. Still thinking about your smile.

We all have dreams, but I've learned that life is incredibly unfair.

Maybe because there simply isn't enough time, space or energy in this universe for all of our dreams to come true. So in that case we need to fight, and keep fighting against all odds every single day to become who we want to be & accomplish everything that we dream of. When you start chasing your dreams I promise you that life will do everything it can to make that impossible. Life is fucking ruthless and will eat you alive but I think that's the best part. I don't know how, but in my perspective the harder it gets for me, the more I know that this is exactly what I'm meant to do. As if it's my inner calling that continues to throw challenges at me every single day and drive me absolutely crazy if I don't stand up to these challenges. 

I've learned that I'm a natural born fighter, that my greatest strength is miraculously picking myself up off my feet when life has taken everything away from me & left me with nothing. The hardest part for me is the comfort within success, when the universe starts to work in my favour, after I've put in so much work and finally start to experience a taste of greatness. That's when I start to fall out of my own personal rituals and into into the norms of society. Comfort is the greatest enemy to our growth, but is it wrong to live a comfortable life? The answer is no, but you'll sure as hell know if you're meant for something greater.

I've also learned that no matter how inspired or passionately motivated you are, no matter how strong your will may be. You are always at risk of falling. It's not about taking the biggest step, being the worlds hardest worker, or being the absolute strongest it's about always taking steps no matter how big or small. The power is in consistency.

I thought about you today.

While I was in the holding room for Degrassi with my earphones plugged in, zoned out listening to Explosions In The Sky while writing in my journal. The first thing that came to mind was the sunny views from the Brooklyn train while nearing arrival to Coney Beach. That image plays in my head like the time lapse on our phones. It made me so happy reminiscing our 7am adventure walk to start the day, bagels in Astoria, struggles to find a bathroom in Brooklyn & our deep life talks on the train. All of the ups & downs, even getting our bags stolen when we got back to Toronto because it's all part of the growing process. It all makes sense thinking about my recent actions, where I am in life & the timing that you came into it. I believe that meeting you was a big part of the growing process and I am forever grateful. So thank you Jess,

The “forever” concept.

cue “So long so lonesome - Explosions in the sky"

Be careful with passions. 

Wow I don't even know where to start bro, life has been so crazy after you left, I think part of the reason it's been taking me awhile to really say goodbye to you is because out of all the friends I've made throughout my entire life you've made the biggest impact in my life. It finally really hit me, you venturing off reminded me of how much you've truly influenced me as a person.  I was just looking back at old videos of us heartbroken teenagers spending all night dancing. I'd probably still be lost if it wasn't for you pushing me to JRD to take class back in high school, It's a scary thought. People really do come into our lives for a reason, thank you for your guidance, for helping me find what I'm passionate about, motivating me to take risks and learn more about myself, always being there when I'm struggling emotionally/financially. Thank you for sharing your own artistry, your goals & aspirations. You're an inspiration to us all & I'm really excited for you to be going out there and seeing the world. I can only imagine what you're going to experience out there. Looking back at the people we were in high school and all I can say is we did it bro. We've become passionate, open hearted, vulnerable, incredibly talented human beings on our own paths to greatness and I'm looking forward to when our lives cross paths again.

P.S. The videos you've been posting are pretty inspiring I look forward to seeing more.

Your brother, Josh Cezar