Puzzled Thoughts

Perspective, perspective

1. I graduated university!

2. I helped prepare and have witnessed (an amazing!) family member's wedding

3. Completed a quite demanding internship role (strong) in a quite demanding company/industry

4. I landed a role in a well-reputable company (and as my first job!! Wow!!)

These are just some of the big events that defined the past year. Of course, there were a lot of other happy, sad, meh things that happened in-between, all while feeling that I haven't experienced enough. Crazy, right? It's quite easy to feel ~lost in the sauce~ when you feel all the frustrations the world has to give + being overwhelmed with goings-on.

BUT!

Every achievement, big or small, is always worth celebrating ☺️🫶🏻 And of course, as much as it may be hard for me to say/type this, mistakes/rejections were worth celebrating, too... because they have shown me things I could learn + be redirected to much greater things and experiences.

As another year begins, I can't shake this feeling of dread about things possibly going wrong, but dare I say that I'm also excited about the things that might just go right. After all, we're to live the present with passion and anticipate what the future holds with bright eyes, aren't we?

I’m quite scared thinking that I may have let depression take so much from me. These days, I’ve been shit scared thinking that I lost so much time and opportunities because I have to battle depression, and I really just want to heal.

I was hella glad when I came across a blog draft from my internship, and I’ll take it as a sign from the universe. I guess it’s a good thing I kind of forgot to post it, so I was able to see/read it more and just be reminded. So, here it goes!

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For When: You want to make the biggest sigh 

SIGH.

It’s another Tuesday and I’m already looking forward to the weekend for some rest and peace (just another days where being lazy can be excused lol). I’ve been feeling hella drained for the past few weeks and I’m usually moodier probably due to hormones?. I am currently completing an internship in a multinational company, and no shit when I tell you that it’s quite a game-changer getting the opportunity to write it on my resume. Yet with this kind of opportunity given to me, what I didn’t give much thinking was the burnout that entails in accepting it. 

So here I am, feeling the raging tiredness just barely 2 months in the program. Days pass by where I’ve been contemplating of quitting but it’s not as easy as 123, and nor do I just want to throw this chance away. 

Moments like this make it all easier to just sit and complain of the workload and how unfair life can sometimes be (in this case, it’s a bit unfair because the pay is a bit small + the workload is just overwhelming for my position, while the others’ are more chill. UGH.). 

BUT.

Like what I wrote above, I don’t want to throw this chance away. Sure, people might say I’ll get some better opportunity (and I somehow don’t doubt that), but I also want to create a mindset here. 

We don’t quit just because it’s hard. If it’s worth it, we will brave the storm.

August 2022 – Deep Dive 

It’s been weeks since I decided to let go of something that has been holding me back for more than a year. I just felt it within that it’s finally time to free my hands (and myself consequently) from a habit that’s been dragging me down. It’s not easy, especially at first, but little by little, its absence was something I let myself get used to.  

It feels scary. It’s unfamiliar. Nonetheless, it’s moving forward.

I know that there will be days I won’t be able to fully commit to my resolution, but I will always embrace progress over perfection, and allow myself to do better each day. From here on out, I fully welcome change(s), and open my hands for the things that are meant for me. It’s not a question of whether it will be easy or hard, but what’s meant for me should be light – to my soul, to my feelings, and in knowing that it’s right. What’s for me will find me.

I fully claim that good things are coming my way. 😌

Lately, I’ve been having massive frustrations about the outcomes of my life in general. My habit progression is off, my mental stability is almost nowhere to be found, and I definitely, definitely feel lost. Is this all I’m meant to feel and do? This thought has crossed my mind countless times. It’s probably from the pessimist in me, but at this point, I can’t really blame myself for thinking this way. 

I decided to continue writing this on a Monday early night while of course, feeling all the pent-up frustrations for the nth time. I feel defeated because it seems that I never inched forward with my goals. Good study habits, a sustainable night routine, regular journaling, lessened time dedicated to social media, these were some of what I wanted to achieve and frankly, I am not confident to say I finally can dance to the rhythm of these activities (I’m not even a good dancer in the first place! But you get the idea 🙃). But out of nowhere, I was actually reminded that there were days I actually did pretty good in working through my goals, I just get too clouded about perfecting them and tend to forget my good days.

My realization led to a big sigh. It’s a small reminder that while the idea of perfecting something seems impressive, progress takes the cake compared to perfection. After all, the road to self-development is never linear, but it doesn’t mean it’s not worth the time. You just have to trust the process, take the small steps, and celebrate the small wins! 🥂

To end, I would like to share a quote that’s very relevant in Stoicism, or in wanting to achieve a better version of oneself: 

“It’s important for us to remember in our own journey to self-improvement: one never arrives.” -Ryan Holiday

June 21, 2022

 May, thank you for letting me ~feel things and learn from them (!).

Saying that the last month was crazy is an understatement, with all the things that happened, and all the thoughts that visited my mind. Personal life was very, very turbulent... but here we are! Gladly still alive and kicking! 🤪 May isn’t my greatest month for 2022, but I was made to realize a lot of things during this time. So here we are!

Do away with spending so much time tending negativity (be it your mindset, thoughts, friends, etc.).

I’ve done so much babying my sour mood and not-so-good thoughts & feelings... to the point I actually felt exhausted just by doing so. I ended up not having the time and energy for things that actually matter. Does this mean that I shouldn’t focus on what I feel? Of course not! Allowing yourself to (properly!) feel and process is still a must, but just don’t babysit the negativity (for too long at least lol).

With that said, be selective.

Unlimited information is made possible now (thanks, Internet!). I think it’s one factor why a lot of us tend to be frustrated with our situations: social media has the ability to flood us with the “good stuff” and we end up feeling left out and resentful (unappreciative?) of where we are and what we have. Just a warning, though! I’m not saying social media is always evil, but it does have the power to influence how we see things. Anyway, be careful on what you consume, because even the smallest things can affect us so much, especially when compounded. In this time, the ability to focus is the new superpower. 😎 Likewise, don’t forget the importance of selecting the thoughts you entertain. Perception plays a big role on how you live life so please, please protect it at all costs.

Lastly, appreciate life – the small and the big blessings, the good and the bad, everything in between.

With all the bad things that are seemingly given more importance in a lot of different media outlets, don’t forget to see the good in life (macroscopically or just the personal ones). As the Stoics put it, perception is key in living a happy life. When situations that don’t seem to favor you occur, it doesn’t automatically mean that that’s the dead end. Perhaps, it’s life’s way of redirecting you to something greater (you just have to sit tight and wait!). 

To end, I was reminded of how valid it is for me to feel emotions. What’s important is how I process and rise through ~setbacks. A quote I would like to share as a post-ender:

Just some of my April favorites! 🤩😋

MOOD

Just feeling a little restless for today. I am at a loss with respect to many things and I can’t seem to pinpoint on what I’m supposed to work on first. It’s like I want to be this wonder woman and actually just do wonders but at the same time I just don’t have the energy and the mindset... so confusing, ja feel? I don’t even know where this post is heading, it just feels like I’m keyboard smashing and end up with actual words but not much of actual thoughts and meaning. 🥴

- Socrates

Just a reminder that it’s worth the time to pause and reflect! We can always learn a thing or two by just processing how a single day went by (moderately, okay? Don’t get lost in your head 😎). Keep and enjoy the good ones, learn from the bad ones. Go get that cup of tea or coffee, whatever you fancy! Ask yourself, “what went good/bad today?” or “How can I make tomorrow better?” Don’t be afraid to ask yourself questions and discover some answers.

Another year has passed, another birthday was celebrated. So many emotions were felt and, of course, so many different thoughts ran and crossed my mind. Yet, it felt as if another blurry year has passed. I barely know how to start this entry, so please excuse my (slight?) ramblings. 

Life at 22 wasn’t an easy ride, and it’s safe to say that it was the year that so many things happened, all while mostly staying at home (and while in a pandemic!). For instance, it was during this year I realized how much I was skimping on doing actions meant for self-growth(ARGH quite hard to admit but here we are!!!). It’s like... they’re all in my head and I have the intentions of doing them, but after a while my headspace is filled with unnecessary things again. 

Being INTENTIONAL was the theme I chose for the year I turned 22. Looking back, it makes me sad knowing that I wasn’t able to fulfill this as much as I wanted to. I was mostly consumed by the things designed to inflict personal pain and prevent growth (e.g. my insecurities) and now that I’m a year older, this truth is such a cold and quick slap to the face. IT’S YOUR WAKE UP CALL TO MAKE CHANGES AND BE PRO ACTIVE, GURL 🙄! I couldn’t help but beat myself about not being able to meet goals based on random assessments I do from time to time. 

This year, I want to make and do things differently. I figured that I still battle the same demons, it’s just that they wear different faces. This year, I want to be more consistent in my commitments and in the mindset I am trying to foster. I know this won’t be an easy task, considering that I have a lot to work on but I want to keep reminding myself that small actions produce significant results when done consistently. After all, choosing to commit is an everyday decision and this time, I’m learning to commit to self-betterment. So much like clockwork, where growth and development only happens when done regularly. Only time and intentions can tell.

To wrap things up, it’s always easier to write things down and think of plans, but doing is the tricky part. Now that I’m gifted with a new year and a new chance, I won’t waste it and prioritize what’s for growth. Positive thinking and actual doing pays off.

Love and light from here. 🤍