Writing Prompt - A Blind Date
My phone buzzed on the comforter beside me. I shot it a glare, hoping to frighten it into silence, then curled tighter under my blanket and refocused on my latest true crime drama obsession. A few moments passed and I relaxed, thankful for the reprieve. It was my only day off between two long stretches in the Emergency Department, and I would be damned if I spoke to anyone today. In fact, I may not even leave this bed.
Bzzt bzzt. My phone echoed a few minutes later.
I studiously ignored it again. Another minute passed.
Bzzt bzzt. A few second pause. Bzzt bzzt. Followed nearly instantly by another buzz. I growled and reached for it.
“This had better be good.” I told the tiny, plastic monster.
An alert for four unread text messages from Val Spencer, my best friend from work, sat on my home screen. The phone buzzed once more in my hands, bumping the total up to five. I rolled my eyes as I flicked through the text messages.
Hey, are u up?
I’m kind of in a bind and I need your help.
Are you ignoring me?
Bitch?
It will be fun!
I snorted and considered ignoring her further, but the phone buzzed with a call this time.
“Go away.” I groaned in greeting.
“Oh shut up, you don’t mean that.” Val said, using her perky voice. “Have you been ignoring me?”
“Yes.”
“Bitch!”
“Yes, now you’re mad at me and you’re going to leave me alone right?”
“Yeah absolutely not, I need you.”
“No one needs me today.”
“Look, I know you just worked a bunch in a row but…” Val trailed off, obviously knowing this was going to be a hard sell.
“And you know I work a bunch more starting tomorrow….” I mimicked her tone.
“I know, I know, and I will owe you a massive favor.” Val said hastily.
“Pretty sure you already owe me one or two of those.”
“Pretty sure that goes both ways, sister.” She snarked. “Listen, Tyler and I had a double date planned tonight with his best friend and Nikki backed out on me last minute.”
“Absolutely not.” I nearly hung up the phone right there.
“But it’s for a concert I have been dying to see for months! She got Covid, it’s not like I can tell her to suck it up.”
“Tell someone else to suck it up, Valencia.” I emphasized her full name to let her know I was serious. “ I literally cannot. I don’t think I can even force myself out of bed. I just pulled three twelve-hour shifts and yesterday was absolute hell. I’m staring down four more on the other side of today, and I just can’t.” “Mikayla Reynolds, I need you! If I can’t get anyone else to come on this date then Tyler is making me cancel the whole thing.” Her voice was earnest now. “I have been wanting to see these guys in concert for as long as I can remember and this is the first time they have ever come close to this shit-hole town. The only reason Ty agreed to go was so we could try to fix up his friend, and if I don’t find someone he’s going to refuse to go at all. I’ve called six other people already this morning, and you’re my last hope.” She paused and took a deep breath. “Please?”
The earnest need in her tone finally cracked me.
“Where am I going, when do I need to be there, and what am I wearing?” I sighed, dramatically. Val squealed in delight and started giving me instructions.
We were meeting at 6 at a restaurant a few blocks away from the theater where the band was playing downtown. It was a typical rock concert and the restaurant was casual enough, so at least I wouldn’t have to try and be fancy. I swung my legs off the bed and then sat for a moment with my head in my hands. I hadn’t been exaggerating, I was absolutely bushed both mentally and physically. Yesterday had been critical patient after critical patient, and absolutely nothing had gone my way. We had lost a young patient, which was always hard on the entire department, but I had also had to deliver some really bad news to several really nice people over the past few days. The level of bad juju had been substantially greater than normal, and it had taken a toll. I needed the mental break and the emotional break. But, I supposed I just had to put on my armor for one more day and pack the exhaustion away for another day.
Still, it took a few moments to shift my mindset from “borderline panic attack” to “let’s just get through this” - which was longer than I typically needed to ground myself. I tried not to think about the last few days or the days to come, and instead focused on the possibility of actually having fun, which felt improbable but perhaps not impossible.
“So much for a relaxing day to recharge.” I grumbled, putting my phone on the nightstand - and got to work.
*****************************
At 5:45, I pulled into a parking deck about halfway between the restaurant and the concert venue. I checked my makeup quickly in the rearview mirror, reapplying some light lip gloss before getting out and gathering my purse and texting Val that I had parked.. I walked the two blocks to the restaurant, which turned out to be somewhere between an actual restaurant and a sports bar. At least it was casual.
Val met me at the door with an enormous hug. I was happy to see we had dressed similarly in jeans, a logo tee, and a light jacket against the fall breeze. Her blonde hair was flowing in ringlets down her back, and I tried not to get my fingers tangled in the long stands as I extricated myself from her grasp.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She chanted. “I promise, I’ll make this up to you.”
“Doubtful.” I grumbled. “But, it’s good to see you happy.”
“Well, let’s see how you like Jake, shall we?” Val said with a wicked glint in her eyes that made me wonder if she really had called six other people before me. She slid her arm through mine and began leading me towards the back of the restaurant. “You know I don’t like anybody but you, kid.” I smirked at her and patted her hand on my arm.
“Alright, Mikah, meet Jake, Ty’s best friend from college. He’s a computer-something at the engineering firm where Ty works.” Val had stopped in front of a dimly lit table in the back corner of the restaurant. She gestured at a vaguely masculine looking figure that was mostly hidden in the shadows of the table. “Jake, meet Mikah, my best friend and the best damn physician assistant in our emergency department.”
The figure stood then, extending his hand and stepping into the light so that his features were finally illuminated. My breath caught in my chest as I took in his tawny hair, stylish black plastic glasses, and soulful brown eyes. Eyes that were uncomfortably familiar, and looked equally startled to see me. I stared at him for a beat too long before recovering and taking his hand to shake.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” I said, hating the strain in my voice. Val nudged me with her elbow and smiled reassuringly, taking my moment of pause to mean attraction and not recognition. He gestured to the seat beside him and I joined him in the shadows, which I welcomed in the moment. As we sat, he squeezed my arm. When I glanced at him he shook his head ever so slightly, and I took his meaning immediately. They don’t know.
My heart slammed in my chest as the last few days came rushing back. My brain froze for a few moments, replaying the last time I had seen him with his jaw set determinedly in the ER, masking any emotion that may have tried to surface. I was mentally stuck in that last conversation, paralyzed with what to do now that a person I never should have seen again was suddenly here. What had it been, two days ago? Three? They all ran together after a while.
He squeezed my arm again, snapping me back to the present. My mind raced, catching up to the present and realizing all over again that he hadn’t told anyone he had been to the ER, much less what he had learned. My heart ached and a rush of emotion suddenly lodged in my throat. He was here and also didn’t want to be - didn’t need to be - and he was begging me to play this cool. I looked back at him, barely able to make out his eyes and gave him a quick nod of understanding. I flipped my arm over and gripped his from beneath and returned the squeeze, before dropping it. Your secret is safe with me.
Technically, his secret had to be safe with me. He had been my patient, and it would be breaking a federal law for me to say anything.
But, then it struck me, shouldn’t his friends know so they could be there for him in the coming days and weeks? Didn’t I also have an obligation to Val and Ty?
I glanced back at him and saw his eyes still on me. My vision had adjusted some and I could now make out the tight crease of his brows and set of his jaw. He was terrified and I alone had the power to put him out of his misery.
“Earth to Mikah.” Val kicked me underneath the table, snapping me back to the moment. I looked across the table and was relieved to see that the shadows obscured most of her and Ty’s faces. I hoped that meant ours were as well. “Are you listening to a word I’m saying?”
“Do I ever listen to a word you say?” I snarked, returning her kick playfully.
“Well, that’s true.” “Besides, I’m exhausted and you drug me out into public anyway.” I grumbled. “I’m sorry, Jake, I may not be the best companion tonight.”
“Hey, anybody who gives it back to Val is already top marks in my book.” He said, all traces of worry removed from his brow.
“Yeah, we’ll get along fine then.”
“Anyway, what were you saying, bossypants?” I returned to Val. “I was asking if you knew anything about this band.”
“Of course I know this band, I play them in the doc box all the time. It’s one of Johnson’s favorite playlists.” I said, referring to the dictation area where I sat with an attending physician during our shifts. It was a little removed from the nursing station, which allowed us to play music and have more discreet conversations without being overheard by patients. Johnson was one of our younger attendings who worked way too many hours and ran on caffeine and sarcasm - which basically made him my twin.
“Oh God, you don’t think he’s coming do you?” Val said, sounding stricken.
“Pretty sure he’s working.”
“Oh thank God.” She said with a sigh of relief. “What’s so bad about him?” Jake asked.
“He’s an asshole.” Val said.
“He’s just surly.” I defended him. “He’s really not bad one-on-one. I think he might be fun at a concert.”
“Well, I’m glad we don’t have to find out tonight.” “Do we have to talk about y’alls work?” Ty grumbled. “Do we have anything else to talk about?” I quipped. Ty was not my favorite person, but I tolerated him because Val loved him and he was good to her.
“We could talk about our work.” Jake suggested. “No thanks, I don’t want to take a nap and miss the concert.” Val laughed.
“Same.” Ty said. “So, Jake, why don’t you tell Mikah a little more about yourself.”
“You don’t have to drive the conversation, Ty, this isn’t a dating show.” Val scoffed. “We can talk about whatever we want.”
“We could always talk about all the ways Ty is an asshole. That’s always fun.” I said, gleefully.
Unfortunately, Ty was rescued by the arrival of our waitress. “Is this everybody?” She asked.
“Yes.” Said Val and Ty in unison. “Okay great! My name’s Jess and I’ll be serving you tonight. What can I get you guys to drink?” “Water.” I said. “Can you tell me what’s on tap?” Ty asked, and I stopped paying attention to the conversation after that. I glanced at Jake out of the corner of my eye and saw him studying the menu. His finger tapped restlessly against the plastic and I could see his knee bouncing just a little bit, but his face was a mask of indifference. He was definitely as nervous as I felt. I took a breath and forced my own leg to still. While it was difficult to see details in the low lighting, I noted the pallor of his skin and the slightly increased rate of breathing. I wondered if Val had noticed, but I doubted anyone would at this stage, unless they knew to look.
My mind whirled back to the moment I saw the results of his CT scan. My heart dropped and I had retreated to the “panic room” part of my brain, where I only go when it’s bad. I’m not allowed to feel anything in there, so all of my decisions become purely clinical. I cannot care for a patient if my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces like a normal human - none of us can in emergency medicine. If we let ourselves feel everything we should feel for every single patient, we couldn’t function. All of that hurt and pain had to go somewhere. Still, it was hard to do, especially with someone my own age.
I had made a few phone calls, ensuring there was a plan of action - either admitting him to the hospital or rapid follow up after discharge. No one would admit him, but they did agree to follow up the next day in their office. I had taken a few moments in the empty dictation room to organize my thoughts and steel myself before going in to deliver the news. “I know what’s wrong with you.” I had said, taking a seat next to the bed. Jake was sitting on the bed, scrolling through his phone, but utterly alone, as he had been throughout the entire visit. When I spoke, he must have sensed my demeanor, because he immediately put down the phone and gave me all of his attention. “Well, that’s good.” He said, trying for some levity. “I already have a follow up arranged for you, and I’ve made sure it’s written down for you so you know where to go and when.” I said, not wanting to dodge the subject, but knowing that once I said it, he wouldn’t remember anything after the diagnosis. I had to get that in first, or else risk him forgetting. “What is it?” He asked, his hands now fidgeting in his lap. I took one last deep breath. “There’s a large tumor in your colon.” I said, voice shaking just a little bit. “It’s very concerning for cancer.” My voice steadied after a beat. “There are also several spots on your liver that are very concerning.”
His hands fell still, and I saw his eyes glass over just a little bit as he took it in. His mind was retreating, panic was threatening to set in, and I had to get in the rest while he could understand it.
“I have a follow up scheduled with oncology tomorrow morning at 9 am. I’m sorry, I tried for today but they were booked. I also have a follow up scheduled with gastroenterology the next day, and the general surgery the day after that. It’s all written down for you, including phone numbers and addresses. Make sure you give them to whoever is going to be helping you, so they can help you keep up with it all.”
He nodded, numbly. I knew I had already lost him, but I had to say the rest. “Try to get a planner and a binder so you can keep all the appointments and follow ups in one place. It’s also handy to have all of your paperwork printed and with you, just in case the doctors aren’t talking. I printed out your labs and imaging reports from today and put them with your paperwork, so you can have them. It’s a whole lot of information very quickly, and having it printed to help you remember is critical so you don’t miss appointments and so you can be sure you get everything you need.” I paused, and he nodded again. “Is there someone I can call for you?” I asked, tentatively.
“Um, no.” He shook himself a little, coming out of his stupor just a little. “No, that’s not necessary.”
I hesitated a few moments, giving him some time to think. “I have to go get the rest of your paperwork together. I know this is alot right now, so I will come back in a few minutes to answer any questions that I can. I’m not an oncologist, so I may not be able to answer all of your questions, but I will do my best. Just know that whatever the oncologist says tomorrow is probably more accurate than anything I tell you today.”
I sat with him in silence for a few moments as he stared at nothing, eyes unfocused. I knew that look, and I hated it when I had caused it. “I’m so sorry.” I said, and heard the wobble come into my voice just a little bit. I slammed shut the cracks in the panic room in my mind, caging the sorrow before it could leak out and make a mess of everything. “I wish I had better news.” I wanted to tell him that he was young and healthy and give him some sort of hope, but I also didn’t want to lie to him. Metastatic colon cancer at 38 was bad news, no matter how healthy they were otherwise.
I stood up and moved to leave the room. “I will be back in a few minutes. Please let us know if we can do anything for you in the meantime.”
I left the room to find his nurse hovering outside his door. She started following me back to the doc box on the other end of the department. “Fuck.” said Katie. “Just…” she paused, then said with more emphasis. “Fuck.”
“Yeah.” I said, twisting my lips into a sad smile. “Yeah, it’s bad.” I sat in my chair and put my hands over my head. “It’s really bad.” “What stage?” She asked, chewing on a fingernail. “Optimistically? Stage 3.” I said with a sigh. “But, realistically, probably stage 4.”
“So he’s gonna die.” She said flatly.
“We’re all gonna die eventually, Katie.” I said, smirking but rapidly sobering. “But yes, he’s probably dying more quickly than he should.”
“Fuck.” She said again. “Yeah, that’s pretty much the only word for it.”
“Only word for what?” asked Dr. Williams, strolling in with a chart in hand and taking his seat next to me. “My 38-year-old with stage 3 or 4 colon cancer.” I said with a sigh, twirling my chair back to my computer. He put down the chart and turned to stare at me somberly.
“Fuck.” He said.
“See?!” Katie said, gleefully, then sobered. “So what’s the plan?”
“I have to finish his discharge paperwork, but I have all of his follow ups scheduled for the next three days.” I said, handing her a pile of paperwork with a note on the top that listed times, dates, phone numbers, and addresses of the clinics he needed to visit. “When I finish, I’m going to go back in and see if he has any questions.” “How did he take it?” She asked.
“Stoically.” I said, honestly. “He just stared off into space. I asked if we could call anyone for him and he said no. He’s been alone this whole time too, unless you saw someone I didn’t.” She shook her head in response. “Well, then I guess he’s taking it alone.”
“He’s going to need someone to help him.” Williams said, alreadying clicking away on his computer.
“Hopefully he has someone and they just couldn’t be here today.” I said with a shrug. I couldn’t let myself worry about that. Except now, it seemed, I did have to worry about that. Because he sat beside me now, anxious and probably overwhelmed. I bet he hadn’t told anyone about anything yet, and so he was taking all of this alone. The emotions that I had kept in the panic box pounded at the door, but I fought them back down. I still had three more shifts to get through before I could let them out. I couldn’t risk an emotional melt-down in the meanwhile. I needed to speak to him alone, soon. I glanced around the restaurant, looking for an excuse. I saw a sign for the restrooms pointing in the opposite direction from our table and thought that was as good of an excuse as any. I tried to make eye contact with Jake, but he was very purposefully ignoring me, looking at the menu that he was now gripping with white knuckles. I tapped his foot under the table and cleared my throat. Val and Ty stopped talking to look at me. Jake turned to look at me. “I’m going to run to the bathroom.” I said, scooting out from my chair and gesturing to the sign.
I was walking away when I heard Jake say, “Actually, I think I need to go too.”
Subtle, kid. Real subtle. I thought.
I followed the signs around a corner and into a narrow corridor that passed around the kitchen. We would be well hidden back there. I only had to wait a moment until Jake found me. As he rounded the corner, I was struck by how young he looked and how healthy, despite being somewhat pale. The sharp outline of his glasses accentuated his deep brown eyes, which I realized had some small flecks of green in them, as he grew near.
“Jesus Christ, I am so sorry.” I said in a rush, as soon as he was within ear shot. “I can make an excuse and get out of here as soon as possible. I know I am the last person on the planet you want to see again.”
He stopped and cocked an eyebrow at me.
“Why wouldn’t I want to see you again?” He seemed genuinely confused, and for a moment I was afraid I had confused him with another patient.
“Um,” I was taken aback. “Well, I don’t think I’d want to see the person who told me I have…” I looked around quickly and dropped my voice to a whisper, “cancer.”
“It’s not like it’s your fault.” He said, leaning back against the wall across from me. “You just happened to be the one that found it.”
“Oh.” I stammered, then recovered. “You just looked like a deer in the headlights when you saw me.” “I could say the same about you.” He countered. I shrugged. We were both quiet for a moment, before he said in a voice so soft it was difficult to hear, “Nobody knows but you.”
I stared at him for a moment. “Wait, nobody as in ‘not a single person’ or nobody as in not Val and Ty?”
“Nobody as in nobody.” He said, returning my stare. “And I intend to keep it that way.”
“What?!” My question turned into more of a squawk.
“Nobody needs to know. This is my problem. I don’t want to bring anybody else down with it.”
“You don’t want to…”I began, then shut my mouth. Where did I even begin here? “Jake, this is a lot. You can’t hide this from everyone forever.” I paused again, and tried to choose my next words carefully. He must be in denial. “You don’t need to do this alone.”
“But, I do.”
“No, I mean, you can’t do this alone. It’s too much for any one person. You need a team, a support system. Didn’t oncology talk about this?” I asked, flabbergasted. “They did, and I told them I would think about it.” He held up a hand before I could speak again. “But this is my fight and I get to choose who I tell and when.” I paused and really looked at him then. His jaw was set, muscles twitching and his hands were fists at his sides. It struck me then that this was a type of coping mechanism. Everything that happened here was out of his control - except this. And now I was here to threaten taking that control away even further. I deflated.
“I won’t tell anyone,” I said, meeting his eyes. “I promise.”
He pursed his lips and nodded. “Thank you.”
“We should get back before they get more suspicious.” I said. “Val is already going to know something is up, so I’ll just tell her you and I had met at a party for my ex boyfriend a few years ago.”
“Yeah, except I don’t really do parties.”
“Well shit, me neither.” There was another beat of silence. “Any ideas?”
He crossed his arms across his chest and tapped his finger on his watch, thinking.
“How about a half truth?” He finally said. I cocked an eyebrow at him. “As in, I met you in the hospital a few days ago when I was there with my sick aunt.”
“Yeah, but then Val is going to pepper you with questions about your aunt.”
“Well, I actually have a sick aunt, so that should be easy to answer.”
“Oh.” I paused, then nodded. “That…could actually work.”
He smirked at me then, and it struck me that he was actually quite handsome. That turn of his lips caused the corner of his eyes to crinkle, and his eyes sparked with mischief. “I’m good at stories.” He said with a shrug. “You mean you’re a good liar?” I quipped, smirking back. “Guess I had better watch out then.”
“I don’t make a habit of it, if that’s what you mean. But when I do lie, I know how to be convincing.” We turned and started to walk back to the table together. There was no sense in hiding that we knew each other. But before we cleared the corridor, I caught his arm and pulled him to stop.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” I asked, searching his eyes. “Because I really don’t mind leaving. I get it.”
“No.” He said, and actually smiled at me, the crinkle returning to his eyes. “No, I’m honestly kind of relieved to have someone who knows.” The smile faded. “I guess that means I’m not completely alone.”
I smiled then. “No, I guess you’re not.”
And with that we returned to our table to begin our blind date.













