* SURVIVE / LIVE

based     in     the     depths     of      adversity      ,     ignites     cynicism      -      a     costly     habit     ,     one     that     renders     any      sense     of      moral     self     inoperable   .    yet   ,   these     ambitions    were    always   your    scapegoat    ,     from      parties     in       the      hills      -      and     drugged    up    socialites    attending      the     met      ball     ,    their      intent      set     on     where     their     next     line     was    coming      from      .      &    now      -     it’s     all     receded      to      a      n͟o͟x͟i͟o͟u͟s͟         m͟i͟x͟t͟u͟r͟e͟       of      vodka     and      juice      out      of     a     solo     cup    ,    rotted       in       a       hot   -   blooded     frat     basement     with      men    that    can’t    even    spell    their     last    name    if    you   asked    .    `    shit    ,      how     did     i       get      here     .      ❛         god     you    kappa     girls    are        needy      ,     has    anyone    ever    told    you    that        ?           ❜

juliet had the same boyfriend since high-school  ,   they recently broke up and it sent her into a spiral of rebellious tendencies  .  the only reason emma tagged along  ,  was to pick up the pieces at the end of the night  ,  and make sure she didn’t get herself killed or wind up in a ditch on the lawn of some fraternity  . there’s a red solo cup pressed to manicured lips  ,  peeking over the rim and catching the tail-end of the boy’s conversation  .  emma is touching her friend’s shoulder  ,  guiding her comfortingly away from the situation .  when she returns  ,  hands perch on the sides of her hips .   ❝  i’m sorry  ----  but what the hell is your problem  ?  ❞ she could size him up in seconds  ,  and the glare of protectiveness hued in an emerald stare  .   ❝   has anyone ever told you that you could use some manners ?   ❞ 

* /    send “you okay?” to find my muse sitting alone on a roof at night.

        𝐃𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆  .  words spat back in her face with venom she’s only seen directed towards others  .  do the right thing  ,  not for anybody else  —   but for yourself  .  do the right thing by you  ,  brooke  .  she didn’t even get a chance to say  ,  to explain  ,  before words were thrashed around in a sea of miscommunication and grief  .  and she’ll take it  ,  because that’s the type of friend she is  .  she’ll let brooke rant  ,  she’ll even let her tear down everything in her path  .  but god  —-   it was so frustrating  .  to be compared to  ,  be put on a higher level of expectation  . to think  ..  just because your emotions aren’t triggered on the same aspect as brooke’s  .  just because emma doesn’t react to things the same  way ,  she doesn’t handle grief in the waves that the other does  .  because fuck  ,  she’s lost too many people  .  they were her friends too .  riley was her friend  ,  jake was her friend  ,  will  – zoe  .. hell  ,  piper was her sister  .  she loved kieran  .  and yet  ,  she was always the one anyone called ,  for anything  . it was her fault  ,  all of it  .  brooke had every right to be angry  ,  she had every right to cry and break down and direct her anger towards anyone who would listen  .        but that last bit  —  it struck a chord  .  sweet emma  ,  you’re so good  .  you’re so perfect  .  there’s nothing wrong with you  ,  you’re the good one  . good good good good  —- you couldn’t possibly bend and break when nobody is looking  .  you couldn’t possibly know what it was like to struggle  ,  to be too late .  so she walked away  .  before she’d say something she’d regret  .  and like clockwork  ,  brooke followed several minutes later when the heat had died and guilt began to set in   .  are you okay  ?  emma turns ,  and she’s been sitting on the words thrown in her direction for awhile now  .  she’s allowed it time to stir  , to sit and boil  , and god  —–     she’s so tired of being the strong one  .    ❝  you think that i don’t feel  — completely hopeless  ,  brooke  ?   ❞  relentless silence  . it wasn’t a question meant to be answered  .    ❝  you think  ,  that it doesn’t completely fucking break me every time i think about the fact that you and jake are never going to be together  ,  and because  —-  at the end of the day  ,  it’s my fault  ?  you think  ,  i don’t know what it’s like to feel too late  ?  like  – how i was too late to save will  ?  too late find riley  ?  too late to figure out jake was gone  ?  too late to  —  realize that kieran was using all of us  ?  ❞ her jaw tightened  ,  and her throat felt sore from the lump she was trying to push down  .  glossy hues hazed over  , and tears rendered her hopeless  .    ❝  for christ sake  —  i feel fucking worthless . ❞

* /    send “you okay?” to find my muse sitting alone on a roof at night.

      𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄𝐒  , staining them a bright crimson  .  eyes are swollen and itchy  ,  the cityscapes the only thing that really keep her attention  .  only one other person knows about this spot  ,  and she can’t be mad at him for finding her   ,  she can’t be mad when he climbs up the fire escape  .  not when he’s the one who’s showed it to her  . quickly  ,  she wipes away any remaining tears from her features  ,  though the sniffle in her chest reveals that she’s been crying  .  she hates it when people are around to see ,  it makes her feel weak  .  it always had  .  it just reminded her of all the times she lost it back in school  ,  all the watching eyes  ,  the pity  – the confusion  ,  the way they judged her  .  nate wasn’t like that  ,  he was the last person on the planet that would ever  be that person .  but she can’t help it  ,  she’s always just  — held it all in  ,  until someday  ,  it overflowed all at once  .      ❝  hey –   ❞ her voice cracked  ,  and she doesn’t have to look at nate to see the muscles tightening in his jaw  .  who hurt her   —  he’d find out  ,  even if she doesn’t tell him  .  brows furrow  ,  and she purses her lips  .  emma shakes her head  ,  and he’s slow stepping by her side  .  she’s on the edge of the building  ,  feet dangling off the side of a brick wall .  she adjusts her body on the concrete  ,  making room for him as he sits  .  her head rests on his shoulder ,  and she tries to keep it together  .  but god  ,  she just feels so alone lately  .  that’s the concept though  ,  she wasn’t  .  alone and lonely  ,  were two entirely different things  – even if their threads got knotted from time to time  . ❝  i um  ,  had a date tonight ..  ❞

*  /   unprompted asks  ! aka my heart . ( foreva accepting ! )

      𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐀 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐀 𝐃𝐔𝐕𝐀𝐋  .  for a creature so captivated by feelings  ,  the universe never seemed to give her a break  .  falling for one bad decsion after another  ,  each time a little less hopeful than the last  .  how long until she gave herself away completely  ?  how long until each person she bumped into  ,  took her pieces little by little  ?  she wondered if they keep them  ,  or pass them off to the next . pea was never supposed to hurt her  ,  it was never supposed to end up like this  .  ignored phone calls  ,  sideways glances until he disappeared at the sight of her  .  watching him unravel with girl’s she barely knew  —-   girls she could have hated  .  it would have been easy  ,  to confine that envy into something venomous and cruel  .  and god  ,  she was so mad at him  . mad at herself for letting it get this far too  .        it’s why she’s walking into the space of her hallway.  one foot in front of another  ,  you could do it  –  just keep trying  .  she doesn’t bother to look at her phone  ,  it’ll be empty with nothing from him  .  every time she tried to sleep  ,  she was taken back to dreams of panting breath  ,  and entangled bed sheets  .  stop thinking about him  ,  stop thinking about him  .  he doesn’t care emma  ,  nobody cares as much as you do  —  it’s practically pathetic  .  she thought a shower might help  ,  but all it does is keep her headache unraveled in long wet locks  . fingertips comb through  ,  tossing the towel on the ground .  –  how messy  ,  just like her heart  .  brows arch  ,  and something is different  . 

TAGGED  BY  :    @mieczlw ;-) 

          𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄,   pointer  finger  pushing  up  the  glasses  slipping  off  of  his  face. ❝  if  you’re  like  cat-woman  then  i  call  dips  on  batman …  you  know,   a  low  tech  one.  ❞   a  single  thought   —  life  would  be  a  whole  hell  of  a  lot  easier  with  a  car  to  move  around  the  city.   ❝      oh  yeah  !?   ❞  amusement  spreads  across  soft  features,  eyebrows  remaining  suspended  on  his  forehead.  ❝  you  willin’  to  make  a  wager,  you  should  know,  i  was  in  wrestling  my  freshman  year  of  high  school.  makes  me  a  certified  badass.   ❞   another  laugh  is  choked  down  at  the  ridiculous  statement  to  keep  the  smug  expression  intact. 

a  glance  down  to  that  offered  hand  and  he’s  moving.   he’s  slow  to  his  feet ,  shuffling  them  as  he  walks   ;   he  doesn’t  have  the  strength  to  lift  his  legs  much. reaching  he  places  his  hand  into  hers ,  the  contrast  between  calloused  and  soft  instantly  felt.  he  lets  the  blonde  lead  as  they  make  their  way  up  the  stairs  and  to  his  bedroom ,  guidance  admittedly  needed.   “   i  don’t  want  to  become  too  —-   dependent.   “   he  avows ,  head  dipped  to  focus  on  where  he  walks.   “   i  should  be  the  one  taking  care  of  you.   “