idfk @screaming-exe - Tumblr Blog

life update: s/h gotten better, e/d got worse 🤩🤩

#lovelife

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2 months and 2 days clean 🥳 ended my probably longest streak in years tm but yk what— idk lmao

#tw mention of sh #sh relapse #s/h tw #tw s/h #implied s/h #s/h mention #vent #vent account

postnuclearophelia

my parents were like im going to make a daughter that is so beyond help

it would be REALLY GREAT if someone were to check up on me rn.. not saying y’all need to or nothin… but like… just imagine if someone did because like…. they genuinely care… damn ma

stargiirl27

toxic mothers are wild they'll really be like "I never said that" like ma'am yes you did cause it's been ingrained in my head since I was twelve

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person rant time:

i fucking hate feeling guilty for being happy, especially after all the shit i’ve went through in my loke— entire life. Like- I get my friends are joking mostly and shit- but it hurts when i can’t talk about my girlfriend without them being like “ugh i hate happy couples stfu 😩😩,” loke i know they’re joking, they know i know they’re joking, but it gets annoying. it makes me feel annoying, like i cant talk about my girlfriend or i’m the selfish one. and it’s more annoying when one of them has a boyfriend and the other has a guy she’s interested in (and he’s interested in her) and theyre the main two who say shit like that. like- i get it, and i’m sorry you might not have the perfect relationship, but what am i suppose to say to that?? sorry me and my girlfriend are happy together?? like i cant even bring her up at all without feeling guilty and it sucks.

like- i know i know, think about how they feel. but what about me? does what i feel not matter either? that’s what i think. idk. it just sucks and i’m tired. why cant i just be happy without feeling bad about it.

please i forgot i relapsed for a minute and i went to take a shower- so like i took off my hoodie and it was like a fucking jumpscare or somthn 💀💀 LIKE DEADASS FORGOT THOSE WERE THERE UHHHHHH

#s/h tw #tw s/h #sh relapse #tw relapse #depression relapse #mental health relapse #relapse mention #tw depressing stuff #tw self destructive behavior #tw vent #vent blog

plesse is it weird that i feel better after i relapse? like- i’m still in a depressive episode, but now i just feel numb, which is better than being on the verge of death, right? it’s just like- i got a lot of anger and frustration out yk? and it’s in a way thay like- no one else gets hurt either

idk it’s taking a lot in me not to push everyone away and isolate myself again tbh

#vent #bpd vent #tw vent #vent blog #personal vent #s/h tw #tw s/h #tw self destructive behavior #tw depressing stuff #tw mention of death #tw mention of sh #sh relapse

i cant wait til i can get out of this house i’m so sick of this

#parents are fighting #i can’t do this anymore

also i feel like you’re seeing this rn but honestly i don’t even care i literally don’t know where else to vent to and it doesn’t even matter anymore so i’m just going to keep on- doing whatever it is that i’m doing (dying, hopefully /hj)

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update: didn’t bleed through my shirt somehow, but it hurts really fking bad and it’s taking everything in me rn not to make it even worse

literally how do i keep fucking up im so dumb

i’m so mad at myself for fucking things up with you. i miss you. this fucking sucks. i’m sorry. i hope you’re okay man. i mean it.

i really hope you’re doing okay right now because i am not 😀☝️🧍🤾🤸⛹️🧍

(aimed at someone)

help i’m fucking freaking out bcus i just relapsed again and i 1. didn’t even realize there was still blood on my hand when i went to dinner 2. didn’t have enough time to properly clean up befor dinner so i have bandaids randomly placed to stop the bleeding but mainly 3. i have dance in 20 minutes and all i have right now is a long sleeved white shirt and i’m so scared of bleeding through it right now

#vent #panicked vent #panicked #do not interact #s/h tw #tw s/h #sh relapse #general tw

bonycage

staring at the ceiling because i don’t have the mental capacity for anything else.

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brb on my way to fucking abuse my arm rn lmao

#tw vent #personal vent #vent #vent blog #s/h tw #tw s/h #cw s/h #s/h mention #tw depressing stuff #tw self destructive behavior #depressing post #depression #sorry for being depressing #cvtting #tw cvts

screaming-exe

i cant fucking do this anymore.

screaming-exe

i’m trying to take a nap because i have to wake up at 5 am every day, but if i do and my mom catches me i will get yelled at. so guess who got caught. and guess who’s room is a mess because they’ve fallen into a bad depressive episode. now guess who’s going to kts later lol.

im so tired.

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