steady on, joan.

“it might help if you just let it out, __.”

“you don’t feel hot to me. is it a headache?”

“let me hold you awhile.”

“you get any last sleep last night? how about food? you had anything to eat since yesterday?”

“let me get you some aspirin.”

“you’ll feel better once you eat.” 

“something is bugging you, something is making you nervous.”

“you’re going to bed? at seven o’clock?”

“all healing is done from the outside in.”

“look, i don’t want to be – i’m not being too rough on you, am i?”

“once i tried to kill myself, how’s that?”

“listen, a bloody nose is nothing.”

“i don’t know what happened! i don’t know! i’m sorry about everything!”

“nowhere. just taking a walk.”

“maybe you gotta feel lousy sometimes, in order to feel better.” 

“how bad? razor - blade bad?”

“i can’t! i can’t!”

“sometimes, people say stupid things, because they’re stupid.”

“i need to sleep. let me sleep.”

“all right. make fun. it’s the thing you do best anyway.”

“everything’s jello and pudding with you, __.” 

“you keep at me, make me talk about things i can’t talk about, i can’t!”

“i didn’t mean it, i’m sorry. please. don’t be mad.” 

“a good, healthy problem needs a good, healthy solution.”

“people don’t change on command from other people.”

“give yourself a break, why don’t you? let yourself off the hook.”

“sounds like a chapter heading to me.”

“you don’t understand. it has to be somebody’s fault. or what was the whole goddamn point of it?”

“crazy world. or maybe it’s just the crazy view we have of it, looking though a crack in the door, never being able to see the whole room, the whole picture.”

“a little advice, kiddo, about feeling. don’t think too much about it. and don’t expect it always to tickle.”

“what things? i want you to tell me.”

“and the world is full of pain. also joy. evil. goodness. horror and love. you name it, it’s there.”

“and what about tomorrow then? and all the tomorrows to come? why can’t we talk about it? why can’t we ever talk about it?”

“you can’t feel pain, you aren’t gonna feel anything else, either.”

“that’s what happens when you bury this junk, kiddo. it keeps resurfacing. won’t leave you alone.”

“life is not a series of pathetic, meaningless actions. some of them are so far from pathetic, so far from meaningless as to be beyond reason, maybe beyond forgiveness.”

“i give a damn about everything you do.”

“so how does it feel to be home?”

“people use people according to their own needs. or don’t use them. when a primary need is one of safety.”