Idk :p

2) I thought I wasn’t sick, I’m just vomiting foam, feeling cold, shivering and sneezing alot. Okay turns out i’m sick and that me vomiting foam means i’m not eating properly.

3) Again. I’m not eating properly, i’m eating like lunch only which is like half a bowl of rice (bcs i eat slow) and like maybe energy bars or wtvr their called. I’m also drinking 250ml of plain water (half my bottle) and ALOT of energy drinks so I stay awake.

4) I’m getting only 2-3 hours of sleep, it’s not that I want to sleep at 3 or 2 but it’a bcs i have to. Dyk how much revision and hw i get? It’s alot plus i needa get atleast AL15 so that i’m as good as my cousin and brother.

5) I have cried so much and I’m not even exaggerating. I cried alot at school bcs i had to go back there (iykyk) my eyes hurt alot. I have also cried so much my heart hurts physically not like emotionally but like actual physical pain, it’s like someone’s stabbing a blunt knife into it everytime i gasp.

Aren’t i good enough? So what if i’m not an A-straight student? So what if I cant 100/100? What if i’m trying? What if i’m actually trying to improve? Yeah, I have flaws, everyone does. Just because I cant achieve 1st place, just because I can’t achieve ‘Top in cohort’ doesn’t mean I’m slacking and not trying. Isn’t a 48/50 good? I’ve been getting so many awards, so many offers to represent, so many good grades yet it’s not enough for you? Yet i can’t make you proud. If I score low,

“You’re not trying hard enough”

If I score high,

“You’re cheating”

SOOOOOOO…. D and I started to get along, so there was this Silat event, i got U’s number from the gc, I asked him if he was going, No. He wasn’t. Fast forward a week? 2 weeks? I was checking my phone after school, taking out my wallet and jacket i turned on my phone, a message from an unknown number. I clicked on it half expecting a scam or sum job offer, it was D, he said “hey it’s D, U’s friend from silat”, (next message) “how did you get U’s number?”. I was skeptical at first then i got added into a group called ‘idk’, when i clicked on it i saw the members, Me, U and D. I typed “what’s this group for?” Not even a minute later, i got a reply from D “idk i just randomly made it”, i just read it and decided to reply to HIS messages privately, i responded “I got U’s number from the silat gc”, he read it then asked if we could call. I said no as i was on the way back home, maybe later i added. And so on my walk home i called him, expecting it to be a voice call, nope he wanted video call, i accepted. I kept my camera to the ground, and his was off. We chatted for awhile, then before i knew it, i was in the lift. I ended the call, and he texted me if we could call again, i said “sure, but i need to shower first” and he said okay.

It’s just a little crush am i right? HELL NAW, i know NOBODY asked for this but imma do it (do it, do it, do it, do it, oh na na na na na 🎶 skz ref). ANYWAYSSSS… so theres this guy in my silat class, his name is D#####, he’s a year younger than me but IS TALLER THAN ME BY LIKE 15cm ATLEAST. When i first met him, we BARELY talked, i’m saying like just eye contact well…barely… so idrk what tf happened but we started getting along, how? Theres this guy in my class his name is U###, he’s ships people, mostly me, yay and no yay. So when coach told the girls to like show what they’ve learnt/ he wanna test us… i didn’t want to okay? Listen I RARELY have public anxiety…(is that a thing?) i’ve had like ATMOST 3, i said ‘NO’ sm times to my coach but i swear he dont give a fuhh. After i did it i ran to a frickin wall. Like i hid behind it, of course D was there. So yada yada yada blah blah blah, i did a face to him, hunny it wasn’t just a scrunch nose or head tilt, i winked and sticked out my tongue, why? Idfk i think it was bcs i didn’t give him the punching bag or sum shi- 🤷‍♀️. Then U being U was like ‘oooohhh~~~ you like D is itttttt???????’ Keep in mind he’s the same age as D to make matters worse, CLASSMATES. Btw at this point of time i hadnt developed feelings for D.