My Blawg

honestly it’s actually the small, mundane, boring things that someone does for you out of love which mean so much rather than grand gestures and proclamations

Gooseworx is stronger than me because if my introspective transgender theme narrative about identity and accepting your circumstances was infiltrated by media iliterate 12 year olds who treated my work like it was fnaf and said my self insert of me at my worst was literally the worst person who deserved nothing but the worst and could not recover ever i would actually fucking explode. I would kill people. How does she do it.

anyways. jax and gangle's relationship is such a palpably clear example of abuse and im fascinated on how little that is touched on by the audience. the way jax despises gangle and her presentation. the way gangle gets to jax in a way that threatens her so badly. the way jax felt so targeted after his discussion with ribbit that he likely feels anyone could be looking at him and connecting dots he doesnt want connected at any moment. gangle being the most vulnerable woman in the circus at the time that jax can let his pent up frustration and internalized misogyny onto. the way jax named her. the way gangle cant get herself to cry when he abstracts. the heartbreak of seeing someone destroy themself so much that you can SEE the ripple effects. he self destructs so badly that the shrapnel from the blast just tears into gangle one million times over. the way that Jax denying her own truth led to her attacking what she saw of herself in others.

I kinda like the idea of jax becoming a cautionary tale of what happens when you let dysphoria and self hatred eat you alive. I've met so many of him IRL in my own circles. I think people need to hear it. I need more characters who eat themselves alive and actually have to suffer the consequences of not choosing to be better. It's pretty refreshing to see a different and nuanced take on dysphoria and how it doesn't always manifest the way you would expect.

its kind of distressing how you can tell a lot of people see popular indie artists and writers and such as like "a Celebrity but one which i stand a half decent chance of bullying to death"