Acidious Raccon

My father finds gay men uncomfortable.

He's told me before that it's like a knee-jerk for him. Something he doesn't consciously control. He sees two men behaving romantically, and his body reacts with mild discomfort.

In the 1960s, when he was in high school, most of the boys in his form thought he was gay on the simple fact that he wasn't homophobic. He wouldn't participate in insulting queer people, he didn't care if someone was gay, he wouldn't have a problem hanging out with gay people. So people thought he was gay. That's how prevalent homophobia was in his formative years.

When I was 10, my dad told me very seriously that Holmes and Watson were gay. That it was obvious from the literature and the time period that they were meant to be a gay couple. When I was 14 and I came out to my parents as bi, when my mum was upset my dad ripped into her for it. Told her that she was being stupid, that it was my life to live how I wanted to and that she needed to get over herself.

My dad formed my views on censorship: that being that it was completely ridiculous and thoroughly evil. He didn't believe in censorship of any kind. If I asked him a question about sex, he answered it honestly. When I was 12 and I asked him about homosexuality, still young and uncertain, he told me that there was nothing wrong with it. That it was just how some people were. That there was likely an evolutionary reason for it. And that for some people it was uncomfortable on an instinctual level.

He taught me that just because you're uncomfortable with something, doesn't make it wrong. He also taught me that most people don't understand this.

I see a lot of this on the internet as of the last few years. The anti shipping movement, the terf movement, the anti ace movement. It all stems from discomfort that people have crossed wires into believing means wrong. Really every -ism and -phobia out there stems from this same fundamental aspect of humanity.

Trying to parse whether this reblog is making:

An extremely inaccurate assumption about how widespread witch trials were in the early modern period

An extremely specific point about the prevalence of different execution methods (most accused witches in Britain were hanged, not burnt)

This, too, is a trashed bathroom; young queer people living through hell and having precious little control over their circumstances or the world in which they exist can affect something by using the language of social justice as a cudgel on their would-be allies, as well as getting a brief feeling of power over someone else by doing it.

By which I mean, asks used to be WAY more of the tumblr economy. They used to be more common to send, and receive, and see. They were integral to the collaborative, forum-like behavior of old tumblr communities, not even to speak on the HUGE number of ask-blogs that used to exist to only be interacted with in ask-form.

Listen to me: I genuinely, wholeheartedly, with my entire being hope that anyone and everyone who wants the ability to give birth is someday able to make that dream a reality. When that day comes, I will genuinely be ecstatic for everyone who's able to have that procedure they've been waiting so long for. When transandrophobes say this to me, I imagine they must think this is something I'm opposed to, but I'm not! If having the ability to give birth or menstruate would be gender-affirming for you, then I'd really like nothing more than for you to get that ability. Truly. And I don't say this to be like, "then you can finally understand my pain!" Like, no, I want trans people to get whatever gender-affirming care would make them the happiest. I understand that the pain is worth it when it makes you the truest, most actualized version of yourself. When that day comes and if I'm still alive, genuinely come abduct me in my sleep and just take my uterus. Steal my womb. My eggs are all yours. I'll be first in line to donate all this shit I don't need or want.

But the thing is, right? We aren't bringing it up to be mean. When we bring up the fact that a lot of us still have gynecological needs, or that many of us are still capable of getting pregnant, or that not all of us can get gender-affirming care, let alone healthcare that's still typically seen as being "only for women," it's not because we want trans fems and trans women to feel bad. We were accused of not having it as bad as trans fems, of having systemic privilege comparable or equal to pericis men, and we're providing examples of how that's just not true. That's all.

And maybe it's hard to hear, if the ability to menstruate or give birth is desirable to you, that we'd prefer not to have it, or that it causes problems for us. We aren't saying anyone is bad for wanting what we don't. All we're saying is that it's one of the ways in which we absolutely don't have male privilege. Especially those of us who don't pass or are staying closeted for our own safety.

But I think that's not really why there's pushback against this. It just can't be refuted that trans mascs and trans men are not cis men. We're men or possess masculinity, yes, but we're not cis men. And, as far as a patriarchal society is concerned, men who are not cis aren't men at all. We won't be treated like pericis men by most unless we pass well enough. Even then, the second we're outed, that all collapses.

Society at large still sees me as a woman. A lot of people who themselves are transgender still see me as a woman, too. I feel like trans mascs are held to a weird standard where no amount of gender performance in any direction is enough. If we present too masculine, we're "scary," but if we're not masculine enough, we must not want it that badly or we're "misgendering" ourselves for nefarious purposes.