schen.says.no"P

It's been a while. It seems I was quite certainly overwhelmed with everything.

Well, I'm glad I'm back here, typing away. It feels good to be in tune with my keyboard once again - not keying in strings of numbers, which frankly mean little to most, or sending mundane overused email replies, or recycle bog-standard conversation starters elsewhere.

They now exist in my periphery (until the cycle restarts tomorrow).

The feeling is refreshing, rejuvenating - it is what is most needed right now (before the torrents of emails come, once again, flooding in an endless stream day after day). My fingers move deftly across the keys, almost liberatingly. I feel free - not physically, as clearly my expressions are still bound within the limits of my keyboard - but mentally.

I asked the store owner, hoping I had found a small trick to circumvent the price tag, like uncovering a discount that got stuck somewhere in the system. It seemed to have fallen through after she echoed the exact numbers in a hollow voice.

[art by zhibujiloom]

It can be really disheartening for the long walk to the bookstore. However, the scenery and comfortable weather always makes it worth the trip.

As my posts start gaining traction, the lure of posting and writing more had sunk its claws into me, and had started to draw blood.

Before I get gravely out of touch with myself, I am still practically bound by my rigid schedules. But this has made me think about how I should be more intentional in spending my time.

I think I want to keep at a nice and steady pace of posts, as I become more invested in this, so I don't tire myself out in the process.

Maybe the point is not to conform by engaging in curated productivity, and to act like it is meaningful.

Maybe there is greater joy to be found in uneventful and unpolished moments.

But that does not mean we don't take agency in our lives, we should still keep to our to-do lists, while being wary of how they tend to guide us.

I prefer the slow build-up of tension and psychological terror that is grounded on a similar idea, but is consumed and understood more easily, and as a result, the horror, in its entirety, is readily apparent.

That is what truly gets under my skin and keeps me on edge.

Entropy, S: dS= dQ/T

Entropy suggests decline, a tendency towards a state of disorderliness. Contrasted with dilution, one might see agency in supposed entropic changes.

there is a need for significant reform