ethically sourced scatterpatter

I MAY HAVE WAITED TILL THE LAST MINUTE AGAIN BUT MY ARTFIGHT IS UPDATED!!!!

FIGHT ME!!!

To anyone who's been mostly able bodied their whole lives but then discovered that they... Might have a condition after all. And aren't fully sure about the condition because it's notoriously difficult to diagnose.

Is there ever like... A back and forth of both fantasizing of having an "excuse" versus the immediate shame afterwards of wanting to use said condition as an "excuse"?

Like, in this purely hypothetical scenario- Secretly hoping and wishing you do in fact have the comdition you suspect you might have- and hoping to get it diagnosed and hoping you can finally, like, have an excuse to not push yourself so hard??? Like to be able to say to someone "I cannot do this because I'm affected by X" and because you genuinelly have X, people would mostly respond with sympathy and not treat it as "You're just being dramatic, you're fine, it's just because you're not doing XYZ". Like. Having an actual condition to blame for being unable to do certain tasks and not just it being some kind of moral failing.

... But then immediate shame and guilt over fantasizing about the previous paragraph??? Like worrying that you'd just let yourself get "worse" while using your potential condition as a "shield"? That by using excuses, you're not pushing your body to be stronger and therefore just making things worse for yourself while not taking accountability?

Basically like. Is that. Is that normal??? Is that a normal back and forth of emotions to have??? Especially when realizing you might be developing a condition you didn't really suffer from before???

So my nickname online has become Scatter

Does that mean when I have my first kid I can call them "Skitter" here