Self Love & Confidence 💋

—S.R.

Isn’t crazy how the heart may still care about someone even though they hurt you in ways you never thought they would. They break you, leave you heartbroken, and you have to give yourself some time to heal on your own. But no matter how long or short the time is, you still think and care about them in ways no one can understand, because they were once a part of your happiness and that will always stay with you forever.

— S.R.

— S.R.

— S.R.

When you’re in love everything about that person is perfect even the smallest thing is not a big deal for you. Their personality or their life style you learn to accept them for who they are. We don’t see their flaws, we don’t see the red flags, and if we do we tell ourselves is not what it is, we make up excuses for the way they act, for what they said, or what they did. We try to understand them instead and not point out the red flags. When you love someone you put them first before you and that was my mistake. Because it’s true when people say love is blind. When you truly love someone deeply you’ll do anything for them to make them happy, to make things work, they become your best friend and it hurts losing your best friend.

I still remember our first date how you planned everything out to make it be special, I remember it was a Friday night. The beginning of everything, the good, the bad, the heartbreaks, the pain, the laughs, and everything we been through, like a love story or our love story. You told me everything about you like an open book, and even though something inside me told me not to I went for it because at that moment all I wanted to do is to be with you. I fell in love with you deeply and slowly everyday and each day a little more. I had the best moments of my life with you, and it became more beautiful when I met little princess, when you brought her into my life she made it more special. You saw me picturing us as a family in my head, creating all these beautiful memories with her, with you, but never once said anything on how you were feeling and that’s what hurts the most. I saw the good and bad of you and I still decided to stayed because I was in love, and I was blind, and I never couldn’t speak up my mind to avoid arguments with you because I valued our relationship more than anything but that was my mistake for putting you first before me. But now I know, I learned my lesson and now I’m trying to move on and find peace in myself.

Sometimes depression likes to play tricks in my mind. There’s days when I feel like I’m being in a roller coaster, there’s moments where I feel relief and happy and all of a sudden I don’t wanna do anything is like I feel lost in my own thoughts, in my own emotions, and I don’t know what to do or what I’m doing. I don’t cry every night now instead I laid on my bed feeling empty because I don’t know what to feel when I’m alone. I’ve never cried so much in my life, but I’m not gonna lie when I’m sad and I start remembering all the moments I had with you, or even if I see something that reminds me of you, hear a song or anything I cry until no more tears come down my face. It sucks but sometimes I can’t help it and I just let it be. I tried to go out with my friends to make me forget about you a little but you always come back to my mind, I guess I gotta get used to this for now.

It’s been weeks now I should feel a little better by now, but instead I don’t know how to feel now. There’s days where I wake up feeling a little better than the day before and other days I don’t feel nothing. Is like all my feelings got mixed up, one moment I’m happy, and one moment I’m sad and start remembering all the memories we had the good ones and the bad ones. I tell myself to stop but even though I tried not to think about you, you’re still in my heart. I still cry at night to sleep, it became a routine now and also became my escape from everything from pretending to be ok when I’m not so people won’t see my pain. It’s hard and each day seems like it will get even harder. I still hope we’ll be get back together one day but I know is all in my head, I don’t wanna build hate and grudges towards you because I wanna remember you in a good way like the times we had together, because those are the ones that I will remember forever.