Just Living Life

it just felt so fucking beautiful

no metaphor can describe it.

I felt like I was brought back to life

from a time of total darkness and death,

I felt like I finally had someone that understands

all the ins and outs of the daily problems no one gets,

I felt like an actual teen, like the ones from those movies

and not this sad boy that’s lonely and cuts,

so depressed that not even the best makes him happy.

That time you asked me out right after the movie,

I didn’t question it or find you suspicious like

all the other times people have come to me

to get close like that.

The time we kissed right after was the best

kiss I ever had. Better than any other time

someone pressed their lips on mine.

Maybe it was just because it was the first time I felt like

I finally met someone that deserves to hold my heart

i think of how you treated me like shit

i think of the ways things could have been

i think how things would be if we never got together

i shut myself down

i have no motivation for anything

i tell myself that nobody cares 

even though i know some do

i think about all the negative things 

i could possibly think of

i give myself all the pain

thinking i deserve it

im not sure why i do that