The first time I met Edgar was in a train. He was with one of my friend and I didn’t know him at all. I remember how impressed I was about him. His hair were so long and I couldn’t stop this thought in my head «Is it a boy or a girl?». He was handsome. And still are. He inspired me for my zine project. I wanna find androgyne people around where I live, take their picture and ask them some questions about them. I’m so interested about you people. Here’s my first interview project.
PS: I am not English and either a journalist. So I apology for any spelling. This interview have been recorded in french.
ELISA: Are you a boy or a girl?
EDGAR: Wow, can’t even reply to the first question, ahah! Mmh, well, do you mean physically or like in my head?
EDGAR: Oh, than, yes, I am a boy.
ELISA: Introduce yourself!
EDGAR: I’m Edgar Allan, I’m 17, and I’m in a photography college in Vevey (Switzerland).
ELISA: How would you describe your clothes? More female or male?
EDGAR: More female but I don’t wear any skirt or dress or whatever. It’s feminine but androgynous and subtle. I would say both but more feminine.
ELISA: Are you trying not to look too much like a girl or do you not care at all?
EDGAR: I wear what I like. I don’t really ask myself too many questions about it. For example this —showing his fabulous fur coat— . When I look at my clothes, I don’t think that it’s that girly, it’s usually black or beige and I keep it neutral. I like to play with this “in between” situation. In between masculine and feminine. The point is not to delude anyone. I’m not trying to pretend to be a girl. To answer to your first question, it’s that, physically, I’m a boy but in my head, I am unisex, you feel? I don’t have any defined gender in my head so I guess you can actually see that on my outfits. For example my shoes —he’s showing them on his feet— they’re heels but not completely at the same time, they’re more like high platforms, it’s subtle and it’s what I like.
ELISA: Wow, omg Edgar. You’re so interesting!
ELISA: Did you ever wish you were the oposite sex?
EDGAR: Yes, for ages actually.
My dad is from Venezuela and the culture there is really macho, it’s really important to be manly, a “real man”. And you know, when I was a kid, I had super long hair and I always dressed up like a girl and the fact that I was like that was a real problem for myself, it was kind of wrong. To be “normal” I had to become a girl. I used to think like that before, and really later I understood that I didn’t really want to be one, just to be myself, like the way I am and not change anything about it - androgynous. And that, for me, it is a human right, to be a boy but have long hair and dress up like a girl and feel comfortable like that. It’s a right.
ELISA: I completly agree with you. I think it’s sad that you absolutly have to categorise some people that doesn’t really need to be.
EDGAR: Exactly. It’s such a shame! The fact that you’re a boy and that because of that you are not allowed to be interested in other things “not made for boys” is so sad.
ELISA: It’s crazy when I think about girls that dress up a bit like boys they seem less discriminated against than guys when they do the same.
EDGAR: Because it’s everywhere in our culture that a guy absolutly have to be masculine and it’s aweful because it’s in everyone’s head and thoughts. And for me, I felt like I wasn’t like everyone else, like the way “I should be” wasn’t me at all. And that’s why now I fight about this, I mean kind of, because I don’t really fight with anyone, but I mean, in a sense that I fight to defend that you have the right to! You don’t have to become a girl just because you like girl stuff and that you hang out with girls. You have to accept yourself as a boy that likes these kind of things and that it’s ok!
ELISA: That’s so true, oh my god. And about that, have you ever been threated or hurt in the street by strangers?
EDGAR: Well never hurt, at least not physically … mmh … but like, surprisingly, I didn’t recieve a lot of insults really, it’s more like questions. It’s really interesting because sometimes, chavs come up to me in the street and ask me, “Are you a boy or a girl?”, completly surprised after telling them that I was actually a boy. I expected more insults before that, but no, weirdly they are just wondering. Sometimes, they even congratuates me! It’s incredible!
ELISA: No way! That’s insane! I didn’t expect that! So you never had any problem about this? What about your family?
EDGAR: I was scared, but it was more like a judgment fear than a violent one.
EDGAR: But you know it happens so frequently that people ask me if i’m a boy or a girl. I hear people outside asking this aloud.
ELISA: Do you feel like people are shy to ask you this question infront of you or do they do it completly naturally?
EDGAR: Well oddly, people aren’t shy at all about asking this right infront of you.
EDGAR: You never noticed? Even when people ask you if you’re a “fag” or a “queer” they ask you just like that, cash.
ELISA: Mmmh, I guess. I didn’t had this question a lot because people don’t risk it, it’s delicate, at least, for me. But maybe, it depends on the person and their level of rudeness. Who knows?
ELISA: Anyway, to get back to you, even me the first time I saw you I asked myself this question, but I would never ask this like that, I don’t know, it’s such a personal question, you can’t ask this just like that!
EDGAR: Exactly, it’s such an intimate question. And even about sexual orientation. Except, maybe, if you are actually interested in me, but other than that? It’s none of your business. Why do you need to know this?
ELISA: I totally understand. They ask you this question in two seconds. When questions that aren’t affecting them personally at all- that are just pure curiosity, but it’s a question that you asked yourself all your life.
EDGAR: That’s incredible! It’s exactly what I mean! Pure curiosity, just that.
ELISA: Do you talk about it freely now around you?
EDGAR: A lot more, now, yes.
ELISA: Was it hard before?
EDGAR: Yes, of course, but it’s like that with everything. It was hard because I actually wasn’t even sure about it myself, so, it’s such a weird feeling. I grew like a girl. I had a girl room, girl stuff, you see? That’s why for me it wasn’t logical. I used to not understand, you know?
ELISA: Was it your parents who bought these girl stuff for you or were you choosing it yourself?
EDGAR: Oh no, it was me who asked for it.
ELISA: And you’re parents agreed with it?
EDGAR: Well… my mom didn’t actually. One day I told her, “Mom, I’d like to be a girl.” and she told me not to do that. At first I didn’t understand, you know? And after that she told me “Well you see, for me, you always been this special boy. The way you are. And I think it would be a shame that you lost this unique thing about you”. Now, I understand what she ment. And she was right. It was a long long way to get there in my head. I was asking myself so many questions, there were a thousend things to think about and it was pretty complicated.
ELISA: Wow, I can only imagine.
ELISA: Where did you grew by the way, in Geneva?
EDGAR: Yes, in this flat. (where the interview is happening)
ELISA: This room always been your own?
ELISA: I bet it’s changed a lot. (looking at it impressed)
EDGAR: It changed so much. It changes with me and every different phase of my life.
ELISA: It’s crazy, it looks like you just moved in. (little joke about the extreme minimalism of the decor)
EDGAR: Yes, it was a lot more filled in but i wanted to make it as simple as possible.
by Elisa Siro, personal project
janainaart
turnnoffyourmind
titsay
andulkaphoto
vaporwave
2087
