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knowing i can't yet escape and live my life peacefully, getting through it is HELL. i'm so tired of listening to the same sentences over and over again.

"don't eat so much"

"you're a whore"

"you're just like your dad"

"you only care about yourself"

i've been locked in my room for a week straight and nobody cares. they never will. as long as i'm home, everything's "okay".

i feel imprisoned in my own room. my own blood has made me a prisoner of my own self. i'm so fucking jealous of people with nice relationships with their families.

it's exhausting and tiring how much they can hold everything over my head. i was 14. i couldn't pay for my own fucking school. i never EVER asked to go to a private school, yet they made me. i was bullied my whole life and they never stood up for me yet now i'm the one in the wrong for "not doing anything".

think about what your life could've been if your mom was more giving.

if you didn't have to beg for attention or any sort of validation from her.

if any of your troubles were, for once, recognised as troubles and not just your ~teenage shenanigans~ that mean nothing.

mom, how much more do i have to suffer to earn your love?

i decided to write stuff here because i genuinely do NOT have friends that i can talk to that'll ever understand me.

i study in the best uni of my country and i genuinely can't help myself. studying is unbearable and hard because i've always been the "lazy but smart" kind. every time i start reading my mind just slips and i lose myself.

today i've been crying all day because i genuinely have other unresolved problems in my life.