chufiess headcanons(ft. parrot)
while absfies is cool i enjoy hcing wifies as tall asf but lanky and does not work out in the slightest. like he would not outrun a horde of walking zombies in the apocalypse type shit. derapchu is actually stronger, but people usually think wifies is more athletic because hes conventionally attractive.
derapchu would be the type to person to drink monster once or twice a week and wifies wouldnt give a shit, but parrot would clown on him and tell him that hes getting a heart attack
they absolutely would hate each other at first. i do feel parrot would attempt to make them get along before regretting it once they actually do become friends. he would also be subject to derapchus pining and wifies struggling with feelings at the same time AND be forced to witness their dates.
they ARE applejack x rarity coded. parrot is their twilight sparkle.
wifies would definitely get more jealous, but i feel it would be more in a "im going to quietly ruin your life" way and tip off all their professors that they were cheating during exams. derapchu would start barking if someone catcalled wifies in public(as he should).
when they fight it would go two ways, but either would be bad:
1. wifies would get cold asf and say really mean shit and bottle it up. derapchu would start screaming and storm off to go aurafarm in the rain or something.
2. derapchu gets really pissed so he gets uptight and leaves and wifies begs him to stay because he doesnt want to be alone and cries. parrot, wato, kenadian, and squiddo get called over by derapchu in a rotation because as angry as he is he still cares.
they would make up maturely once they're in a good state of mind, but during the fight would be absolute hell. parrot would have to bear witness to this like a child of divorce or sum
wifies likes a lot of food flavored with shit like matcha and red bean because the flavors are typically less sweet(as its part of the cuture). derapchu likes sweeter desserts. he doesn't like it when it's overly sweet and it hurts his teeth, though.
both of them know how to cook(wifies can do it better than derap), but wifies cant bake simply because he lacks the arm strength to whisk and beat any batter.
the ideal date for wifies would be going to an aquarium and learning about the fishies. the ideal date for derapchu would be going on a walk in a farmers market and going to a cafe after. the ideal date for parrot would be one where he isn't present.
