My observations from being in a poly relationship.
My husband and I have been in an open relationship for about four years now. It has definitely had its ups and downs, but I think we're finally nailing it (pun intended.)
1. I'm an Extrovert and he is an Introvert. This has led to some complications. I had no problem finding a partner, where as he was always feeling left out.
2. We don't like to call ourselves Polyamorous. We both seek friends with benefits, or fuckbuddies if you will, and that has made our core relationship stronger.
3. I have BPD. Borderlines tend to flee and run when a relationship gets stronger or more intense. My husband noticed that and has embraced that my sexual freedom keeps me with him. It sounds messed up, and it is, but if I wasn't sleeping around, we wouldn't be together. I would have given in to my urges and wound up alone.
4. POLY DOES NOT MEAN WE WIFE-SWAP. We don't do any trading off or try to seek out couples. I am strictly anti-men in a relationship, while my husband prefers women in open relationships. It's totally fine for us to have separate preferences.
5. COMMUNICATION. My husband doesn't always like to know about my exploits, but I love hearing about his. It makes me happy when he is happy. And I totally understand his apprehension with my side action being that I AM Borderline and therefore prone to succumbing to my emotions.
6. Poly life does not mean we are bad people. We have a strong marriage. We have kids. We have pets and jobs and our own place. We aren't hippie degenerates who live off of the land and have wild orgies. We are mostly (tattooed, pierced, and blue-haired) normal people.
7. Finally, you need to have extreme trust. I have never left my husband. I will never leave my husband. He will never leave me. We've established that nothing is too broken to fix. That's why poly life works for us.
If you are considering becoming poly, please make sure you set ground rules and expectations before you even start. Some of my fwb's were ex boyfriends. Some were coworkers. Many partners won't allow that kind of relationship. This is why rules need to be set in stone before you attempt to seek other people.
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