Sirius: what's up, sluts? Guess who got out prison again?
James: sluts?
Marlene: prison?
Remus: AGAIN?!
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@sassyblackinnon
Sirius: what's up, sluts? Guess who got out prison again?
James: sluts?
Marlene: prison?
Remus: AGAIN?!

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Sirius trying to figure out how to spend his day
Any one of these would have been an improvement
Headcanon that there was a running gag where the Marauders just kind of showed up out of nowhere whenever someone mentions/needs them.
BecauseâŚwhy not!?
Student: I wonder where the Marauders are?
The Marauders step out from behind a tapestry.
Sirius: You rang?
-
Student: Does anyone know where James is? I want to speak to him about our Quidditch practice?
James drops down from the ceiling.
James: Sorry it took me so long! Whatâs up?
-
Student: Say Peter, have you seen Remus? Weâre meeting in the library.
Peter: Look to your left.Â
Student: âŚOkay?
Peter:Â Now look to your right.
Remus is standing next to the student.
Student: How the fâ
-
Lily: Letâs ask the MaraudersâŚ
Alice: Where are they?
Lily: Oh, donât worry. Theyâll come.
Alice: What do y-
-Marauders leap out of a shrub-
Lily: Every time. Every damn time.
-
Professor Flitwick: Are you expecting the Marauders?
Professor McGonagall: Nobody ex-
Marauders:
James: Nobody expects the Marauders!
âGinny, where did you learn to fight like that?â
âI have six older brothers.â
âReally?â
âYeah, Bill has long hair and wears jewelry, Charlie is a recluse with dozens of animals, Percy is a huge nerd, Fred and George have a reputation of being bad kids, Ron has a huge inferiority complex, and I wasnât going to let anyone give them any shit for any of that. So I had to learn to beat up people bigger than me pretty early on.â
Based on this post: (x)

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Taken by Lily aka captain of the blackinnon ship
âI still canât get how the two of you got the best looking girls in our yearâ Dean said to Ron and Harry. â Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Parvati and Padma Patil
i can't explain my thought process behind this, but every man in the noble and most ancient house of black is a bottom. if you thought sirius was dramatic with that "only one will die tonight" bullshit, let's take a look at his younger brother, regulus "I know I will be dead long before you read this, but I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen the real Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I face death in the hope that when you meet your match, you will be mortal once more" black. and walbulgra scares the shit out of me. orion definitely just did 90% of everything she said. (and notice how bellatrix, narcissa, and andromeda give off that bad bitch + top energy? their power)
          â always remember my heart holds you even when my arms canât .  â
                   Marlene McKinnon & Sirius Black
dumbledore: i am the smartest person in the goddamn universe
dumbledore: harry's just been through something horribly traumatic; i should ignore him for a year just in case

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What are your favorite Blackinnon headcanons?
I only just saw this and have no idea how old it is but thanks for the question gal, your tumblr is one of my absolute favourites đ¤
marlene and her family left england when she was 10 so she only meets sirius when sheâs 15 and visiting james during the summer
heâs just run away from home and sheâs the one to open the door when he gets to the potterâs
her family moves back to england the following year and she transfers to hogwarts
she becomes friends with the marauders in no time
one night, marlene gets a letter saying that her sister has been hospitalised and so she goes up to the astronomy tower because she canât sleep and itâs one of her favourite places to have a smoke
itâs one of siriusâ favourite places as well so he finds her there and she just hands him the letter and they stay up there for hours
their first kiss happens without either one of them planning it, they didnât even know they were into each other
but one night, when sheâs up on the astronomy tower again, she hears someone coming up the stairs and she realises that she wants it to be someone very specific but she canât quite put her finger on who
lily maybe? no, thatâs not it. probably james? or dorcas? it must be, she canât think of anyone else
but then she sees sirius and she thinks
âoh yeahâ
and he sees her and he sees the realisation in her eyes and he canât explain it but suddenly, he just knows
they both wear their hearts on their sleeves with each other and theyâve always done whatever they wanted anyway so without saying a word they walk towards each other and they snog kiss
and they stay up there for hours
in hindsight, sheâll often say that this was the moment she knew she was in love while sirius will claim heâs been in love with her ever since he first saw her at the potterâs back when they were 15 (she calls bullshit)
when they actually start dating months later they are scared that james is gonna lose it if he finds out so they keep it a secret
when he eventually does find out he hardly reacts at all and maybe they only wanted to believe heâd freak out because secret relationships are kinda sexy
he asks her to move in with him a week before graduation and she agrees
they only ever get into one fight
when marlene leaves the flat afterwards she thinks âthis is itâ, sheâs so angry
when she gets to her motherâs house she thinks âthis is itâ and sheâs scared it is
it isnât
they make up in no time and she tells him she loves him a week later when theyâre lying in bed and itâs only then that sirius even realises theyâve never said it before
theyâre both so afraid of rejection, so good at building walls, but when it comes to how they feel about each other itâs just so obvious they never even think to second-guess it
when she dies, he gets her patronus, a little hummingbird, tattooed on his arm and he too dies a little bit whenever he looks at it
I recently started working in hospitality, and Iâll tell you guys right now, the trope of âthere was only one bedâ is not as rare as youâd think in real life. A few times a week, at least, I have guys come in who are working together on projects in town or passing through who have to literally book the last room I have available for the night and lo and behold â there is only one bed, and guess what, they give each other a side-eyed look and begrudgingly take it. So write it up, it happens all the time!!!
Never let your There Was Only One Bed dreams die. I was secretly in love with my best friend for over a year when she graduated and moved to Oklahoma (like 1000 miles away) for grad school. Between that travel restrictions, we were so scared weâd never see eachother again.
At the end of summer, when Covid numbers were at a lower point, I took the risk to visit her in her new apartment and I quickly realized that, unlike when Iâd spent the night at her house before, the couch wasnât made up like a bed. She explained that since her new couch was so fancy and pink, I couldnât possibly sleep on it, and so I needed to sleep in the bed with her. You know, out of necessity. I woke up with her snuggled around me in the middle of the night.
Weâre dating now, and I genuinely think Iâm going to marry her. Just the other day, though, I mentioned that if she hadnât been weird about her fancy couch, I probably never would have like confessed my feelings. AND THEN she stood up, took the cushions off the fancy couch, UNFOLDED IT INTO A HIDE-A-BED, and said âI KNOW.â
THIS GIRL. ORCHESTRATED. BED SCARCITY. JUST SO SHE COULD MAKE THE âONLY ONE BEDâ EXCUSE. Yâall when I said I just about lost my goddamn mind, I just about lost my goddamn mind. I love this sneaky bitch so much and the moral of this story is BE THE ONE BED YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.
Fanfic imitates life, and life imitates fanfic. Itâs full circle really.
(chortle)
#there is only one bed #and life and art are standing there next to each other staring at it #and breaking out in a cold sweat #just hold that thought while I open a new project in ScrivenerâŚ
Remus, the night before leaving for Hogwarts:
James and Sirius:
Sirius: [to Marlene] You have the courage of a lion, and the passion of a panther. And the wisdom of a flamingo.
Lily: Are flamingo's wise?
Marlene: Let the man speak.
good crimes
also on ao3
//
Lily Evans to Sirius Black: do u think i should get a fringe
Sirius Black: depends if u want james to fuck you again
Lily Evans: harsh
Lily Evans: a fringe wont effect my GREAT boobs
Lily Evans: ive rung mar im doing it anyway get fucked
Sirius Black: have fun becoming a born again virgin just to spite me
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Okay, well now you have to do Sirius and touching people.
sirius is starved for people to touch him, heâs like a fucking dying man
at first when he shows up at hogwarts heâs standoffish and kind of a prick because he doesnât really understand that his parents arenât concrete example of the wizarding world
that when people touch you it doesnât have to hurt
so he snaps at people when they get too close to him and he tenses every time somebody puts a hand on his shoulder
and eventually james just hauls him off to his parents and is like FIX THIS POOR LAD
and they dote on him of course they dote on him but sirius is so confused when they both give him hugs (mr prongs gives him very gruff, back-slappy, manly hugs, mrs prongs hugs like sheâs afraid sirius will melt if she lets go)
and eventually they just wear him down and sirius black, scourge of gryffindor, turns into a cuddler
heâll throw himself into jamesâ lap after a quidditch match (YOUâVE QUITE SEDUCED ME WITH YOUR MANLY PROWESS, POTTER, NOW YOU MUST ASK FOR MY HAND), he wrestles good naturedly with peter, heâll run his fingers through remusâ hair when he feels prickly and irate and sometimes itâs the only thing that can calm remus down
when sirius black puts an arm around your shoulders it makes you feel triumphant, when he knocks your elbow and grins, you feel like nothing can hurt you
Dominique: Why are you naked?
Victoire: I don't have any clothes.
Dominique: *opening closet* You have a lot of clothes, pants, shirts, hey Teddy, jackets