Beg Your Pardon?

such insolence... guards? seize her! ...no. stop. not like that. you are doing it gay. why are you seizing her gay style

Sometimes a guy in a fanfiction has the ability to read someone's gaze with the same level of detail a wine taster can taste the wine

"He glared at him with anger in his eyes, but behind that longing and sorrow over things left unsaid, a subtle but desperate yearning for things to be different, and with just a hint of roasted nuts right at the end."

we've all heard about the male gaze in media, but we've yet to explore the equally important sommelier gaze

the only fun addition to this post

there are at least three houses in new orleans

I love gay people theres a guy in my neighborhood who named his one singular dog “simon and garfunkel”

free my girl she did all that and that’s what makes her such a compellingly complex character. that’s her essence

drawings are secretly the enemy because they start off very nice and unassuming but then when they're about 80% done they start emanating a malevolent aura that makes finishing them the scariest activity you can imagine

Why is it that every time I google something like "Are olives poisonous to cats" the top results are always like "Fun fact: Cats are carnivores! This means that they eat meat. There is no reason to include olives in a cat's diet. You should feed your cat cat food, which is dry or wet food especially designed for cats. You can purchase this at a store." like is there a single person alive on the planet who's googled "Are blueberry muffins safe for cats" because they're planning on switching their cat to a muffin-only diet??? No, I'm asking because the little bastard somehow popped open the packet while I was putting away the groceries and dragged one under the couch before I could react and now I need to know if I should call the after-hours vet. "Cats should not eat spaghetti." NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!! "Try to keep human food away from cats." i live in a studio apartment with a completely silent and permanently hungry apex predator who has the intelligence of a toddler and the desperate Machiavellian cunning of a creature who spent his formative months on the streets. He can already open doors and he is this 👌 close to learning how to open the microwave. He is stronger than me and covered in knives. So im gonna do my best but for the moment i just need you to tell me whether this yoghurt is going to kill my son y/n

For plants specifically, there’s also a wildly detailed set of posts and listings about toxicity on the old, wonderful, Plants Are the Strangest People blog

imagine this heat and you roll over in bed an there’s some cunt there next to you. bruv id be inconsolable

yaoi between two beautiful knights who keep ending up fighting each other but it turns out both of them are pretending to be men in order to be knights so its actually secret beautiful butch yuri. picture this

one is the handsome gentlemanly princely type with long hair riding on a white horse that all the ladies fawn over, the other is the badass grim bulky type with scars and a scowl and a big ass broadsword who always aura farms in the corner of the tavern alone

i think one of the best parts about being a teenager in the early to mid 2010s was that cigarettes were definitely not cool anymore and vapes hadn’t popularized yet so my lungs made it out of my peak impressionable years relatively unscathed