Nucifer

My wife and I have been married for 4 years now, since the start of our marriage everything has always been perfect because she is perfect, no literally she is the perfect perfectionist. We are wealthy and blessed, we got married luxuriously with such intimacy, she demands that only the closest people are allowed to join us and I agreed that we should do so. Her social media is only full of herself, even on the day we got married she didn’t share much, she appreciates privacy she said. She is always so perfect, every moment I woke up since the first day we were together she always looks so beautiful, her extended lashes, flawless lips, and fair skin, she takes care of herself very well. She spends an hour earlier waking up, she spends a whole hour to herself to take care of her looks, she always looks so dazzling every single day. 

She is the wife everyone wishes for, as a busy person she hired a few assistants to help her maintain the house. But whenever she is not too busy she always cooks, it's her hobby she said, despite us having an assistant chef that's always around the house. The meals she cooks are always so God-gracious,  she bakes too, and it's always my favourite time whenever she bakes. She told me she used to go to Le Cordon Bleu short programmes, thus she mastered culinary as well. Our luxurious grand house is always so well taken care of, the marbles are always polished, the grass is always trimmed, the clothes are always clean, and fresh-cut flowers are in every room and she manages them all. When we moved into our lovely house she was the one who took care of all the design and furniture, I could never be bored looking at how aesthetically pleasing our house is, she handpicked everything carefully with the help of other maestro-professionals, such as architects and interior designers. 

Everything she touches always has a scent of perfection, she arranges, organizes, and declutters everything as if she is Marie Kondo, she always said: "To search for any item in our own space is a huge waste of time, therefore everything must be placed accordingly." She made our assistants prepare everything for us every single day so that our days can run smoothly.

In the evening, every time she is off from work, she always strolls around our house in extravagant lingerie, different pair of those each every single day.  Sometimes she is just painting in them on our balcony, sometimes she is chilling nearby the pool with our dogs while she is drinking a glass of wine with her charcuterie board. She is a Goddess in bed, the definition of every-men dream. She loves intimacy, she loves sex, she is so fierce because she shows what makes her feel good, she is very experimental and playful in bed, and she is always so fiery and full of passion. Her moan is melodic, everything about her is so addictive she is a literal drug, cocaine, heroin. I could never say no to her, I always initiate, I always go for her that I always seem so thirsty for her every single day.

She makes me so in love I would never exchange the world for her, being married to her made me realise how lucky of a man am I to have her by my side, I love to spoil her with gifts and affection, and I would give my entire world to her. Her personality is amazing, she is both sun and the moon, and she is a perfect balance of femme and virile. She has a kind heart, she treats me well, and we have mutual respect. Every month I would give her shares of allowances for the house and herself as a husband should, but she always ended up spending it for the house and spending her own money for herself, she never asks for anything really because when she wants something she just gets it. She loves to shop, and she recycles her wardrobe, by selling or giving it away. She loves her jobs more than anything, and her hobbies of course, sometimes it makes me a little bit upset that she prefers to spend time on those than with me. But she never bothers me anyways so I respect her for that. 

She starts her day with Muay Thai, she told me she is a fighter, thus explaining her Sak Yant Tiger tattoos on her back, she always meditates before sunrise and starts her practice with her mentor right at sunrise. It keeps her sane she said, it keeps her strong, powerful, and always on top of the food chain. One thing about her is that even though she is rarely angry, once she does everything could get very dark and frightening. She is feared by a lot of people, she has the power, but at the same time, she is loved because she is very compassionate and empathic. One time when she was angry at me, our chair broke, and so the vases plates and decor shattered. I was also as angered as her, but she has no fear in her eyes, no fear of me and honestly, I'd never seen a woman like that, she didn't tremble or cry, she stands her ground. 

Sometimes I caught her smoking cigarettes while she swings in our swing bed, I always took it from her and put it out, she never complained about that, she usually just left me there with a blank face. When we lay in bed at night while I'm scrolling over my phone, I always noticed her blank stares, and whenever I asked her "What's wrong?" she shrugs and turns her body away. Sometimes when I hug her at night, she looks so empty, as if her body is present but her soul is away. A busy woman she is but sometimes I notice how empty she is, how empty her stares are, and how lifeless her breaths are. 

She shared with me that she is diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, she made me understand that in the past, she tried to take her own life a few times, she was physically sick due to her depression for a while as well and was perfect as she is, she admits that this is her major flaw. She never really shares, she is very quiet for someone as close to me as a wife. She pretends like everything is okay and she finds it so wrong whenever she felt unproductive, regardless of how healthy our lifestyle is she gets sick quite often, I found days when she isn't eating and I have to be the one who forces her to eat, I bought her favourite food even though most of the times she ended up not eating them. The only time she stops working is the time when she got sick, whenever she is sick she just lay in bed all day, there was a time when she slept for two entire days, I panicked when I found out and book a flight straight away. 

Sadly, from the very moment, I met her she has never always been so cheerful, she is happy most of the time at least from what I see, but since the very first moment, I feel how drained her life energies are. Some nights she muttered "I'm sick" countless times in her sleep. She takes her medication daily and visits her therapist and doctors regularly. She hides all these things so well under her 'Perfections', to a point that her family thought that she doesn't have all these things anymore, only because of how successful and perfect her life is. She told me "Please, please, hold on to your happiness so tight, please take care of it very well. I regretted how I took it for granted and now I realize how expensive and hard it is to gain those back"

Sometimes I found her crying by herself in our praying room while she prays to God, and whenever she notices me she would stop, get up, and wash her face. I never understand why she never really open up to me on that level of intimacy. She always pretends like she is okay like everything is so perfect and okay. I always try my best to make her happy, and she reciprocates, but many many times I found her to be very lifeless, "Hampa" she describes. It hurts me to see her like this, even just for once I want to see the sparks in her eyes.

One day I suggested to her that we should start to build our little family, with a mini-me-and-her. She told me that she is okay with that, but we have tried for three years and all she gotta say is "It is what it is, let's not rush it" one day I found out that she hasn't taken out her contraception, I was upset, I wish she is honest about this. "Sorry" and that's all she got to say. She is cold, very cold, while it is true that she offers warmth as a wife but she, herself, is a cold person. 

"Could you please let me go?" on a blissful Sunday she asked, we were just having breakfast by the pool. "What do you mean?" I am very confused, my head is racing with endless thoughts. "I want to sleep, please let me go..." I thought that she was genuinely asking me for permission to go to sleep.