Sarcasam

I wonder if the prince was suspicious when Snow White's first baby was born a dwarf.

words are just a big scam. they all just mean other words. so you keep on using even more and more words. that's how they get you.

When a cashier asks me if I found everything I was looking for. I take their hand. look deeply into their eyes and say. 'I have now.'

I hate when you try to screenshot on your iPhone but instead your app closes and your screen turns off

Do you ever go on YouTube just to watch a music video, then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to Giraffes.

Fall clothes are the best clothes

marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than u so they wont eat all of urs

I'm quite confident that the reason i'm single Is because i didn't forward that chain letter in 2008

i love those friendships where you always have stuff to talk about

The happier you are, the less sleep you require to function in everyday life. Sadness increases the urge to sleep more.

i don’t stalk i investigate

Guy: "hey goregous send me a pic ;)" Girl: "ok...promise you won't show any one?" Guy: "I promise I won't..." Friends: "DAAAAAMN!!!"

in class : yes ma’am at home: okay mom with friends: yes motherfucker

When people post statuses like “Don't text or call me! Bad mood!” Umm, no one was ever going text/call you in the first place, Bitch!

In a interview, Bill Gates said, “I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”

If couples who are in love are called 'love birds', then couples who always argue should be called 'angry birds.'

I hate when people don't wanna admit they're wrong.. You made a mistake, grow up & own up to the shit . Stop making excuses